


Finding our way back

by Marieke_things_dreams_and_stuff



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Badass Kelly Olsen, But also fluffy memories, Danvers Sisters, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Graphic descriptions of Krypton's destruction, Hurt/Comfort, Kara Danvers Character Study, Kara Danvers Has a Crush on Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Kara Danvers is Not Okay, Kara adjusting to Earth, Kara through various stages of her life, Kid Kara Danvers, Krypton, L-Corp (Supergirl TV 2015), L-Corp Lab, Lena seeing herself through Kara's eyes, Lex Luthor Being an Asshole, Lilo and Stitch References, Memories, Mind Reading, Pissed off Lena, Post-Crisis on Infinite Earth, Protective Alex Danvers, Protective Lena Luthor, Pseudo Science, Red Sunlight, Researcher! Lena, Saving the World, Streaky the cat, Strong language (mostly from Lena but who can blame her), Young Kara Danvers, earth prime, lots and lots of Lena and Kara memories, protective Kelly Olsen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:28:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 68,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22284850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marieke_things_dreams_and_stuff/pseuds/Marieke_things_dreams_and_stuff
Summary: Post Crisis on Infinite Earths.Lex taking over National City was one thing, but Lex being a hero in everyone’s eyes was definitely another. Kara and Alex decide they can’t let the charade go on for much longer, just waiting for Lex’ terrible plans to come to fruition. The pair teams up with Kelly and Jonn in a master plan to broadcast Kara’s memories of Lex to the world by using Rojas technology. A still angry, but resolute Lena wants to join, making their coalition shaky at best.But is Kara prepared for Jonn and Kelly to meddle in her memories, and is she okay with everyone being able to get instant access to all of them?OrTo save the world, the gang looks into Kara’s memories. Some truths are revealed, and Lena has a hard time staying mad.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 378
Kudos: 1949





	1. Chapter 1

“We have got to prove what happened, Alex. This can’t go on for much longer.”

The both of them were sprawled out on Kara’s bed, exhausted from a long day of work at the now Luthercorp owned D.E.O.

“I know. Believe me, I do.”

“Do you?” Kara sat up and looked at her sister. “Because it seems like you’re taking it all very lightly. He had me fly to Italy to get him coffee, this morning, Alex. Because he knew he could. He had me be his security team at that stupid gala last night, just to show me off as his – his,” Kara struggled, “guard-dog,” she spat out. “And then today,” she continued, “I saved forty people from a burning apartment complex, and when I was done he was already out there in front of all the media outlets, taking credit for all of it. I can't do this much longer!”

Alex sat up too.

“What, and you think he’s brightening up my day at the D.E.O.?” Alex bristled. “He has me come in at LutherCorp twice a day to update him on the ‘alien threats,’” she quoted. “He keeps baiting me about you, trying to get a rise out of me.”

Alex looked revolted.

“That vile, disgusting little excuse of a man.”

Kara made a supportive sound.

“You’re right,” she sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be turning on you. He just makes me so – ” she struggled to finish the sentence, balling her fist in frustration.

“Angry?”

“Furious.”

Alex nodded.

“I feel ya,” she said. “But I just don’t know what to do. He has the whole of National city in his pocket. Everyone believes he’s some sort of business angel or whatever.”

Kara thought back to her day. How everyone had cheered for Lex when he showed off the work ‘his’ Supergirl had done. Everybody she saved. Every citizen surrounding the burning building. They believed her to be some trained puppy, loyal only to Lex. Like he controlled whether or not she’d fight the good fight, or save people from a burning people, or an accident.

She felt disgusted. Owned. Like she half expected to find some ‘Property of Lex Luthor’ tattoo on her body when she looked in the mirror.

The thought alone made her want to throw up.

“No,” Kara said resolutely. “No, we cannot let this go on. There has to be a solution.”

Alex looked surprised at the fire in her sister’s voice.

“We can’t have gotten this far, survived so much, just to be controlled by some egotistical, bald maniac.”

Alex nodded slowly.

“If there’s a solution,” she said after a beat, “we’ll find it. We’ll get through it.”

She covered her sister’s hand, and Kara smiled when she found absolute conviction and trust in those brown eyes.

“We always do.”

Kara smiled and rolled over so she was pressed against Alex’s side.

“At least we’re together again,” Kara said. “My plans really sucked without you.”

Alex’s laugh reverberated through Kara’s entire body, and Alex’s hand found its way to her hair and stroked softly.

“I can only imagine,” Alex commented dryly, “that’s why no one lets you make the plans.”

Kara laughed. When her laughter had subsided, she stayed close to Alex.

The day had been so long, and so awful, and nothing seemed to be able to make it better. But having Alex back by her side, reminded her that she was a step further than she was two weeks ago. Only two weeks ago, she’d been staring at one of the grey walls in the Vanishing point, rapidly running out of hope that she and her friends – and Lex – would ever get out of that soul-sucking place.

That she would ever see her sister again.

She buried her face in Alex’s shoulder, trying to get rid of the creeping thoughts by familiarizing herself with Alex’s perfume and washing powder again.

Alex was right there with her, and she would help solve this mess.

* * *

“We got it!”

It was Brainy who eventually found a solution to their problem. Well, Brainy and Kelly, of all people.

They came in on game night, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling with enthusiasm.

“Okay,” Alex said slowly, opening the door to let the unlikely duo in, looking a bit prickly when Kelly stormed by her without kissing her first, “got what? Which game to play? Cause, I’d hate to disappoint you, but Kara’s already picked, and she’s not letting her choice of the game go to someone else.”

Kara nodded furiously, the pizza in her mouth preventing her from wholeheartedly agreeing with Alex.

“Yeah,” Nia agreed, “it’s like the one thing she had going for her today.”

Kara shot her a dirty glare, but Nia just mouthed an innocent “What? It’s true.” So Kara had to begrudgingly let it go.

Kelly sighed impatiently.

“That’s not what we’ve got.”

She carelessly, and very uncharacteristically, threw her coat over the kitchen island, and quickly strode over to the couch where Nia and Kara were seated – the latter already three pieces of pizza in.

Kelly sat down on one of the couches, while Brainy kissed Nia sweetly before taking a seat next to her.

“So we’ve been thinking,” Kelly cut right to the chase, “we can’t let this Lex thing go on for much longer.”

Alex had asked J'onn to reinstall Kelly’s correct memories after she found out that somehow, LuthorCorp had acquired almost half of Rojas’ Industries’ stocks, effectively almost ‘owning’ CatCo and Rojas’ technology. When Alex saw that Kelly basically worked for Luthor – whom she affectionally called Lex because he was apparently _such_ a good boss – Alex couldn’t just stand idly by and let her girlfriend bump shoulders with a mass murderer.

Kelly had taken the shock surprisingly well, and after everything that had happened, it only took her about four days to figure out Kara was Supergirl. She’d taken it like a champ, only stuttering incoherently for a couple of minutes before realization and acceptance had settled in completely, and she’d hugged Kara and thanked her for saving her life.

By far in Kara's top five of 'so you know I'm Supergirl' reactions. 

Alex and Kelly had decided not to let the fact that Kelly knew about the earth changes shine through though. She didn’t want Lex to find out one of his employees knew about him being a monster. They still didn’t know his long-term plans, and if they involved killing everyone who knew about the changes – the Paragons and all their friends included – Alex wanted Kelly to stay out of the firing lines.

But apparently, that hadn’t stopped her from trying to work out a plan.

“We’ll need J'onn’s help,” Kelly said, clearing the coffee table from some game boxes, and putting a blue notebook on the table instead.

Alex frowned.

“Can we at least know what this is about?”

Kelly didn’t look at her and quickly opened her notebook, flipping hurriedly through the pages until she found what she was looking for.

Kara leaned in, intrigued, and tried to look at what Kelly was doing.

“I think – well, Brainy and I,” she shot him a smile, “think that we’ve got it.”

“Got what?” Alex asked, getting frustrated.

Kelly looked up as if she’d only just noticed her girlfriend being in the same room as her.

“The solution to this madness,” she said as if it was the most obvious thing ever. “The solution to Lex Luthor’s reign of power.”

Alex and Kara’s eyes met.

Stunned, Alex sat down next to Kelly, while Kara went to sit down on the floor as well, trying to get as close to the source of the information as possible, game night long forgotten.

“I was working on my project, you know,” she nudged Alex, “to explore patients’ memories to help them process trauma?”

Alex nodded quickly.

“Well, I just got to thinking, and then I remembered my walk through J'onn’s memories, back when he was trying to figure out what happened with his brother, right?”

“Right,” Alex agreed.

“And then,” Kelly said excitedly, “I came up with an idea so impossible, so weird and so alien, that I thought it just might work. So I contacted Brainy, our resident genius – ”

Brainy preened beside Kara.

“ – and he basically helped me drive the kinks out of our plan, and to work it all out. Theoretically, of course.”

“Wait, wait, wait, back up,” Alex said confused. “I’m still lost.”

“Well,” Kelly jabbered, “J'onn’s powers are more incredible than we thought. He proved that when he reinstated all of our previous memories. So what if, we combined our best tech, with his abilities? We could garner memories from someone who was there when all of the fighting with Lex went down – ”

Kara got a queasy feeling she might have a faint idea of who that someone might be.

“ – then, we could broadcast those memories to the people of National City! They’d know that Lex isn’t the good guy he’s pretending to be! We could fix everything!”

Silence fell over the room.

Kara was stunned.

This was what they had been looking for. A solution. A maybe. A could-be. An option. Something that could change the way they were living right now. It seemed bonkers, yes, but on some level, it also sounded…reasonable? Like it could work?

Could she hope?

Could she try and think that there might be a better day out there? That this nightmare could finally be over?

Kelly’s enthusiastic smile slowly faded from her face, the longer no one spoke up.

“You all think it’s crazy,” she stated, the disappointment dripping from every word.

“Kelly – ” Alex tried.

“What memories would you need exactly?”

All eyes fell on Kara. Alex looked at her with a mixture of surprise and pity. She knew how much Kara wanted things to change and go back to the way they were. But she seemed to think it was impossible.

“Well,” Kelly said cautiously, “I’m thinking, some clear memories of Lex going insane. Preferably fights between the Supers and Lex, maybe some of his hate speeches about aliens? Whatever you’ve got, really.”

There it was.

The implication that she would have to share her memories.

Alex seemed to catch on as well.

“You’re saying it’s Kara who has to have her mind pried open and studied like some kind of lab frog?” she challenged.

Kara flinched, but Kelly didn’t seem to be fazed by the underlying anger in Alex’s tone.

“Possibly. Her or Superman. They both have the most experience with Lex’ hate.”

“Superman’s off earth,” Kara heard herself say. “He’s back on Argo to spend some time with Lois and the boys.”

A beat.

“So I assume it’d have to be me.”

Kelly opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Kara frowned, and stood up, ready to defend her family.

Lex’s presence in her life, and at her apartment had become an unfortunate occurrence. He showed up sometimes, just to show that he could, because he apparently owned the building, and claimed he was trying to be a considerate landlord.

Kara knew that the notion that he could get her out of her apartment and out on the streets in a matter of minutes was implied.

When she X-rayed the door, however, her heart fell, and the gap in her chest that was left after Lena’s confession in the fortress of solitude was ripped open once again.

Lena was at her door.

Apparently, the Lena in this world had retained her memories somehow – Kara suspected that Lex and the book of Destiny might have something to do with that. So Lena still hated her. But, according to public record, Lena was one of her most outspoken supporters, which meant that she had to see Lena time and time again, and it never hurt any less than it had the first time.

Lena was warm in front of the cameras, shaking Kara’s hand, and boasting about how wonderful Supergirl’s latest rescues were, never able to stop praising Supergirl’s name, all the while the journalists and the camera people ate it up.

The second the curtain fell, so did Lena’s smile. She would rip her hand from Kara’s, and leave without another word.

Kara didn’t know how she was doing, what she was doing, and how she was surviving her brother’s tyrannical rise to power.

And now she was in front of Kara’s door, spine straightened, high heels on, and her hair pulled back in a headache-inducing ponytail.

Kara paled, and Alex could almost read who was out there on Kara’s face. Kara never looked scared when Lex was there. She mostly just looked pissed off. No, that scared, guilty pale expression on her face, that was her Lena face.

On trembling legs, Kara made her way to the front door and hesitated only a second before opening it.

For a second, Kara could only stare.

Lena was beautiful. She was wearing a sleek, black coat, and her make-up was impeccably done, like always. Being COO instead of CEO was somehow still agreeing with her. If she was pissed off at the change and had suffered from it, it didn’t show. She looked cold, distant, and yet strangely resolute.

“H-hi,” Kara stuttered.

“Brainy called me,” Lena interrupted, obviously not about to engage in some meaningless small talk just for the sake of it. “He said something about a plan.”

Everybody’s heads, Kara’s included swung to Brainy, who was eating his slice of pizza in blissful unawareness. Only when he got punched in the arm by Nia did he look at her questioningly, before becoming aware of everyone’s eyes on her.

“Oh, yes, I forgot to inform you,” he said matter-of-factly, “but I have been in contact with Lena when I first started developing the plan in my mind. She has a genius mind, it would be foolish not to employ it when handling such a delicate situation.”

He waved at Lena before going back to eating his pizza.

Stunned, Kara turned back to Lena who was still standing rather frigidly by the door.

“You want to help?” Kara asked confused.

Lena scoffed. “Just because I don’t think it hurts to peg you down a little, doesn’t mean I agree with my brother being in charge of National City and using you as his personal Supertoy."

Kara flinched.

"He’s a maniac, he has to be stopped. I haven’t stooped so low that I would let our little spat come between that,” she challenged.

Kara let the hurt of the sting wash over her and tried not to show it.

She just nodded and opened the door.

Lena seemed almost surprised at the quick concession, probably expecting a fight, or at least a little resistance on Kara's - or Alex' - part. She quickly schooled her impression, however, and strode into Kara's apartment like she belonged there, her heels clicking on the wooden floor.

“Alright,” she said, “what are we working with?”

* * *

It took them about a week to work out the plan. It would’ve taken two weeks at the least without Lena’s help, Brainy kept insisting, but no one was really fighting him on that. It took longer to convince J'onn though. He heavily opposed prying through Kara’s memories, and would barely stand to hear them out, even after Alex had vouched for Kara’s safety.

They had everything.

Lena had provided her in-building secret lab as a location, Kelly had smuggled some of her tech from Rojas’ Industries, and Kara had agreed to let them sift through her mind, writing down anything she could remember that could be relevant to the mind probe.

But J'onn had opposed long and hard.

“I can’t even read your mind when you’re superpowered, Kara! We would have to make you human for it to work!”

“Then we’ll do that!” Kara had insisted.

“No! I am not putting your life on the line like that! We will find a different solution!”

“But it’s our only plan, J'onn!”

“There will be a new plan!” he’d grumbled. “One that doesn’t involve leaving you vulnerable to Lex’ attacks.

Then he’d left, leaving Kara feeling more hopeless than ever.

It had taken one meeting with Lex for J'onn to change his mind.

Kara and Alex had been called to LuthorCorp to discuss some private D.E.O. business in Lex’s office. When they got there, Lena was sitting in that same office, on the white couch. Based on his smirk, Kara deduced Lena was obviously there to knock her off her balance.

It almost did, but she stood her ground.

She only allowed herself one glance at Lena, out of the corner of her eye, just to confirm that the other woman was safe and okay. She looked stunning, slightly pale with worry, but stunning all the same. She was wearing a marine suit as if to show that on some level, she could still match her brother, if not out-do him. 

“I was thinking,” Lex mused, pulling Kara out of her own mind, spinning in his chair, the tops of fingers connected like he was some evil genius with an evil plan.

 _Oh wait_.

“You’ve been doing such a good job as Supergirl lately, stopping crimes from happening all over the city.”

Kara felt Alex stiffen next to her, and she couldn’t blame her. Where was this compliment going?

“However,” Lex said, standing up and walking around his desk, “I still counted five vehicular accidents that ended in death. On Tuesday, four people died after an alien knocked some buildings over – ”

“I stopped that alien,” Kara argued.

“Don’t interrupt me!” Lex snapped, and Kara held her tongue.

While she would love to put him back in his place, his power over her was undeniable. She’d heard Lena’s heart speed up just the slightest bit, equally concerned that her brother’s outburst could have catastrophic consequences.

“Now,” he said, calming himself down and straightening his tie. “Where was I? Oh,”

He smirked. “While you’ve done a good job so far, it’s undeniable that there’s still more work to be done. You need to spend your time anticipating accidents and crimes, and stop them before they have the chance to hurt anybody. You need to be vigilant, every day of every night.”

A feeling of dread bubbled in Kara’s body.

“You should give up your cutesy little day job, and devote your time to being a full-time Superhero. Especially now that your little cousin isn’t here to pick up the slack.”

“No,” Kara forced out.

It seemed he had anticipated her refusal because while he might be a superhero, he was _not_ a good actor.

“I’m sorry?” he asked with faux-worry, a hint of a smirk not far from his mouth. “I must’ve misunderstood you because that almost sounded like you wanted to say –”

“No. No, I won’t quit CatCo.”

This time he did smile. A grueling, awful smile, that took pleasure in her confusion and powerlessness.

“My dear,” he said, walking right up to her, “I think _you_ must’ve misunderstood _me_.”

He smirked.

“I own you. You do as I tell you. When I say you’ll quit CatCo, you’ll do so with a smile and a stunning resignation letter. When I say leap of that building, you’re already on the ground.”

He arched an eyebrow, a move so like his sister that it made Kara shudder.

"Don't forget I own your apartment. I basically own your job. I own this city, which means I. Own. You."

Kara hated that he was right. She hated that he had this undeniable power, that no one could take away from him.

“Am I understood?”

He was standing so close she could smell his overly expensive, gag-inducing cologne. The urge to hit him right in his teeth was bubbling up inside of her, and it took every ounce of strength inside her not to ruin everything.

She clenched her jaw, and his smile widened.

Lena’s heart started racing. Maybe she knew something Kara didn’t. Maybe Lex wanted to make her angry, wanted to get her to attack, maybe all of this was leading up to something terrible, something she couldn’t risk.

“Am. I. Understood, Miss Danvers?”

Lena’s racing heart proved to be the deciding factor.

Kara squared her jaw and looked Lex straight in the eye.

“Yes.”

“Yes, who?” Lex decided to bury the knife as deep as he could.

“Yes, Mr. Luthor,” Kara said, before turning on her heel, and leaving the room, not sparing Lena one look as not to raise suspicions.

Lena’s relief was almost palpable because her heart slowed, and she let out the quietest of sighs, and Kara knew, that despite her anger, her frustration, and her powerlessness, she had done the right thing.

Alex let out one last scoff at the sight of Lena – in character, or maybe just because she’d really grown to despise Lena, who knew – and then they both left the premises.

When Kara came knocking on his door, half in tears because she was trying to write a resignation letter which she knew Lex would parade around in the years to come, J'onn finally seemed to be convinced of their case.

The next night, Kelly, Kara, J'onn, Brainy, Nia, and Alex all gathered in Lena’s underground lab, ready to do business.

* * *

“Okay, Kara,” Kelly said, motioning for Kara to lay down on a dentist-like chair, “I’m just going to attach some sensors right here,” she placed some cold naps on Kara’s temples, “and then,” she clicked on some buttons on a tiny panel on her iPad, “we should be able to get an image later, with J'onn’s help.”

Kara nodded.

She didn’t feel very comfortable. She was still dressed in her Supergirl suit because she hadn’t wanted to go back home and change after zapping through the air. Plus, she knew Lex was tracking her, and there was no reason for Kara Danvers to be out on the streets that night. She didn’t have her best friend anymore; no job, no work friends. What did she have to go out for?

Plus, plus, she thought Lena was more comfortable seeing her in her super suit because it gave her the chance to stay in her righteous anger zone. When Kara was dressed as herself, she could feel Lena fighting herself, conflicted over having to deal with the idea that Kara and Supergirl were somehow the same person, and that she was talking to both of them at the same time.

It was easier for Lena, her being Supergirl. Supergirl she already disliked. Supergirl she could hate.

Kara Danvers was more complicated.

Lena was currently making her way through her sterile, white lab, busying herself with taking data from J'onn, checking her leftover Reign-inspired technology, and using whatever she could remember from her research with Malefic.

Since the whole ‘non-nocere’ thing hadn’t actually happened on Earth-Prime, Lena had to work primarily from memory, which wasn’t the easiest course of action. Luckily for them, Lena had a photographic memory, and a tendency to take mental notes about her projects.

Finally, it was time for them to make Kara human.

None of their plans would work if Kara didn’t cooperate. She had to do it. To secure everyone, she had to go against her core instincts, and temporarily give up her powers. She knew she had to. That still didn’t mean she was looking forward to it.

“Okay Kara,” Kelly said, coming over and taking Kara’s hand, “Lena’s going to turn on the lamps we discussed alright?”

Kara nodded tersely, and Kelly went to sit down on the chair next to her.

“I just want to say that, I know it’s scary and I know this must be horrible for you. So, I’m really sorry my plan is putting you through all this.”

Kara looked up at Kelly and smiled sadly.

“Thanks, Kelly, that’s really sweet. But I promise I’ll be okay. Really.”

Kara wasn’t actually sure she believed her own words, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to try.

But Kelly didn’t go anywhere. In fact, she stayed seated right next to Kara. She tilted her head and smiled sweetly at Kara.

“It’s okay to find things scary, Kara. Being super strong doesn’t automatically erase our ability to feel fear and dread, you know.”

Kara smiled gratefully up at Kelly. She wasn’t really ready to scream out, but she did feel more reassured.

“The lamps have charged,” Lena informed them through her microphone. She was on the other end of the glass, controlling the conditions of the room perfectly.

“You ready?” Kelly asked.

Kara nodded. “I’m ready.”

Kelly made a sign, and right on cue, five large light bulbs lit up in a vibrant red color.

The effect was instant.

It kind of felt like diving into a pool. The noises drowned out, replaced by a dull ringing in her ears. Her vision got blurrier, weaker, and she shut her eyes to keep the world from turning. Kara felt a heavy thug on all of her limbs like she was sinking deeper and deeper. A weight on her chest, forcing her down. She felt tired, exhausted – even. Her energy drained away, and her head turned uncomfortably.

She groaned and felt someone take her hand.

“Kara?” she heard. “Kara, are you okay?”

“M-fine,” she said. “I think’t worked ‘ine.”

"You're not hurting?"

Kara shook her head.

“Okay. Okay good. Listen, Lena’s gonna monitor your vitals, okay? She’s also gonna hook you up to an IV, are you okay with that?”

Kara groaned in what she hoped translated into something affirmative.

“I want you to know I’ll be right back, okay, Kara? When Lena’s done, I’ll be back. I won’t leave you alone during the whole process, okay?”

Kara nodded slightly. Gratefully.

She cracked open her eyes and felt a little better. The world wasn’t turning so much anymore, and she got more accustomed to the colors and shapes of everything. The ringing in her ears slowly died down, and she could make out different sounds again. Alex and Kelly talking in hushed tones. She couldn’t hear Brainy and Nia, but she assumed they were on the other end of the glass, where she couldn’t hear them anymore.

Then, she heard footsteps coming from her left, she turned her head and saw Lena approaching, clad in a white lab coat, her hair in a tight ponytail, and her sterile glove-covered hands carrying a tray of medical equipment.

She didn’t look at Kara as she sat down on the chair that had previously been occupied by Kelly. She put the equipment down on one of the metal wheely trays, carefully separating each piece.

Kara looked at Lena’s fingers, deftly going through the tubes, scalpels, cotton wads, and needles, completely absorbed in her work.

When Lena finally spoke up, it startled Kara.

“I’m going to hook you up to a heart rate monitor, and attach these,” she held up to sticker like things, “to your vitals. Do you consent?”

It took Kara a moment to understand that Lena was talking to her.

“Oh, eh, yes,” she muttered awkwardly.

Lena nodded. “Please lift your top then.”

“Oh,” Kara said, “I can’t, it’s a one-piece.”

Lena sighed. “I’ll get you some scrubs. You undress.”

Kara stood up, but the effects of gravity and the world on Kara’s body were almost too much for her to take in at once, and she crumpled to the ground. Right before she could hit the actual floor, however, she was caught by two strong hands holding onto her waist.

The hands were strong, familiar, warm even through the thick fabric of her suit. The scent of Lena’s perfume engulfed her, and tears almost sprung in Kara’s eyes when she recognized the all-too-familiar scent. Lena's scent. Kara could feel Lena’s arms support her, help her, save her.

Kara felt dizzy, the fall messing with her perception.

Lena was right there. She'd caught her. 

“Is she okay? Kara, are you okay? Do I need to go in there?”

Alex’s panicked voice wormed its way through the speakers in the room, breaking Kara’s temporary Lena spell. 

"Are the lamps too strong? Is she - "

“M-fine!” Kara managed to croak out.

She leaned heavily against Lena’s front, as Lena slowly and carefully got her to stand up again.

“Are you okay?” the Lena behind her asked softly, helping her up.

Kara nodded, and she felt Lena exhale against her neck, making the little hairs there stand up straight.

“Just a little gravity.”

Kara turned to face Lena. The other woman nodded, her eyes flitting over Kara quickly, as if she was trying to check if Kara really was okay. When Kara turned out to be telling the truth, Lena quickly let go of her, not really looking at Kara, but focusing on the notes in front of her. Still, she looked shaken. A little less sure than she had before.

“You’ll be okay taking off your own clothes?”

Kara blushed. “Yep,” she said quickly.

“Okay.”

Lena turned around and left.

On wobbly legs, Kara managed to take off the suit, which wasn’t nearly as efficient and easy to do as when she did have her powers. She struggled a bit but managed to get it off completely.

Standing there in her white bra and panties, she felt kind of exposed. She could see through the glass and saw that everyone had at least had the courtesy to look the other way – although she was convinced J'onn was traumatized for life. Lena came back seconds later with a white hospital gown.

“There weren’t enough scrubs left so I –”

She stopped mid-sentence when she saw Kara, and Kara was a little confused. She couldn’t hear Lena’s heartbeat, so she couldn’t tell why she looked so… taken aback.

Lena remained frozen for exactly three seconds – Kara counted – before she managed to shake off whatever it was that bothered her, and all but shoved the gown in Kara’s hands. She then immediately went back to going through her files, even though Kara suspected Lena had gone through them about a million times now.

She quickly got dressed and got back on her chair.

Lena rolled up her sleeves, and gently asked if she could apply the sticker thingies.

Kara just nodded, holding her breath for absolutely no reason.

Lena’s hands skimmed over her collarbones, and right over the swell of her breasts. It made the entirety of Kara’s skin break out in goosebumps. Lena quickly managed to put down the stickers, even placing one on Kara’s side.

She turned around and heard the beeping of the heart rate monitor.

Then, Lena started cleaning a tiny part of Kara’s skin on her hand with a cotton swab. Now Kara had had all kinds of injuries over the years, from head traumas to broken bones. And while she couldn’t say those were all very comfortable, not at all actually, she still really, really, _really_ didn’t like getting poked by a needle. She knew it was childish, but Rao did she hate it.

So when Lena prepared a needle, Kara clenched her eyes shut and balled her fist tightly.

If Lena noticed, she didn’t say anything. However, she did take Kara’s hand gentler than any other doctor would have, slowly making it uncurl and open up.

With Kara’s fingers spread, Lena covered those with her left hand for a brief moment, almost gently coaxing her to relax. The fingers were so soft, so comforting, that for a second, Kara felt absolutely safe. Then, Lena inserted the needle so fast, that Kara could barely jump up at the slight pinch in her hand.

The IV was attached within seconds, and Lena finished up as quickly as she had started, the comfort long forgotten.

J'onn and Kelly made their way into the room, right as Lena slipped out, and Kara barely had the time to mourn Lena's absence. 

“Okay Kara,” Kelly started.

She seemed nervous. Her hands were clenched together, and she actually seemed regretful that she’d ever allowed this to happen to Kara in the first place. Kara tried to reassure her with a quick smile, but she wasn’t sure it really had much convincing power.

“We’ve got all the monitors on,” Kara saw a lot of flickering lights on Kelly’s panel, “and right there,” she motioned at a tiny TV in front of Kara, “is where we’re going to try and redirect the memories. We think we’ve figured out how, but we’re going to have to start slow, so we can all work together as a team to do this.”

She licked her lips anxiously.

“Is that okay?”

Kara grimaced. “Fine.”

“Okay,” Kelly giggled nervously, almost relieved. “Then let’s start.”

* * *

“You can go ahead by picturing an easy memory. Something that happened, not too long ago. Something simple. Can you do that for us, Kara?”

Kara thought.

Her head felt heavy. That was J'onn in her head, she knew it. He weighed heavily on her brain, like the feeling you get when you know you’re going to have a headache, but it’s not quite starting yet. The comfort was gone. The weight remained.

Kara thought back to Kelly sitting next to her on the chair, comforting her.

_“I want you to know I’ll be right back, okay, Kara? When Lena’s done, I’ll be back. I won’t leave you alone during the whole process, okay?”_

Kara jumped up when she heard the voice in her mind suddenly manifest in the room. And there it was. Kelly’s sweet soulful eyes were right there on display on the TV, uttering the same words she’d spoken minutes before.

Kelly let out a disbelieving laugh, and Kara heard some whoops and cheers in the room adjacent to the clinical lab. Kara cracked a smile and looked at Kelly, who nodded proudly.

“Well done, Kara,” she said. “Now we can delve into the hard parts.”

It ultimately wasn’t too complicated.

Kara had some memories from Lex as a child, mostly seeming him on TV, but Kelly thought those were useful too. Then she had the Red Daughter memories, the memories of him fighting her. She was just supposed to think back and find those memories.

But of course, that’s not how it turned out.

* * *

“Relax, Kara, just relax.”

“Clear your mind.”

“Relax.”

Kara was starting to go crazy. How can one relax and focus at the same time? This was impossible. She wanted to move. She wanted to get out. They’d been sitting here for twenty minutes! Maybe the first time had been a fluke. Maybe it really wasn’t going to work.

“Think back to something… peaceful. We can work from there. Just relax, Kara. Just.”

_“Oh my God, can you just relax already? You’re driving me insane.”_

The annoyed voice of a sixteen-year-old Alex Danvers filled the room, and the image of an angry teenager with choppy dark hair appeared on the television screen.

“I’m just trying –”

“I know you’re ‘just trying,’” Alex barked out, “that’s the problem!”

“But I –”

“No! You’re embarrassing me in front of everybody! Why can’t you just be normal!”

A sob unaccompanied by an actual visual resounded through the room.

Alex sighed impatiently, clearly a little affected by the younger girl’s off-screen sob.

“Okay, stop,” Alex cut her off. “We can’t fight right before school. Mom’ll kill us.”

“Eliza is going to murder us?” a tiny voice shrieked.

The younger Alex moaned in frustration and pulled at the skin of her face.

“It’s an expression. God, you’re really just so – so – stupid! No! No, she's not going to kill us! But she's going to be pissed, so we need to move.”

There was a silence for a brief moment before they heard Eliza’s voice ring out.

“We’re leaving! Hurry up, girls! What’s taking so long?”

The Alex on-screen looked at the door and yelled: “We’ll be right down!” before turning back to look at her.

“At least take off those stupid earmuffs! They look ridiculous. It’s almost 90 degrees out! Everybody will laugh at you if you wear those.”

“But they make the sounds not so loud anymore,” the tiny voice protested.

“Yeah, well would you rather have loud sounds or absolutely zero friends?”

It seemed to take Kara a while to decide because Alex became more and more impatient.

“Girls, I’m leaving! Anybody not in the car in the next ten seconds can walk to school.”

Alex groaned loudly, before angrily staring at her. She finally seemed to come to a decision. She picked up her school bag and slung it over one shoulder.

“Take them off or don’t," Alex said. "It's up to you. But if you don’t, don’t even think about talking to me in the cafeteria, you hear? I can't have you embarrassing me in front of my friends.”

With one final glare, Alex left through the bedroom door.

The frame on the TV stayed put on the soft blue of Kara’s old bedroom wall. Then, two hands moved up and came down with a pair of earmuffs.

The frame stayed on the earmuffs for a few more seconds.

“Kara!” Eliza’s voice called out.

Then, the hands threw the earmuffs on the bed and didn’t pick them back up.

“I’m coming!” the tiny-Kara-voice rang out.

The frame moved to a bedroom door, and the memory stopped, the television cutting to a black screen.

Kara gasped for air, and Kelly was quickly there to help her calm down.

“W-what –”

“Shh, shhh,” Kelly hushed. “It’s okay, are you alright?”

“What the hell just happened?” Kara asked after she finally calmed down. “I heard – I saw –”

“It works, Kara,” Kelly said softly. “You just showed us a memory from years ago. An early memory. You did it. Your earliest memory from Lex is only a couple of months away from this memory. You did it!”

“Good job, kiddo,” J'onn’s voice thundered. “You did well.”

Kara nodded, not feeling the relief she did when the machine first started working.

She became increasingly aware of the glass wall separating her from everybody else. No one was cheering now.

Most notably, Alex wasn’t cheering now, and Kara wondered, not for the first time, how the entire situation would work out. If she had so little control over what memories came up – she hadn’t meant to pick that particular memory after all – what would happen to all of them if she shared her memories with them?

Would they still see her as the same person?

What if they saw her RedK memories? Her bad memories? Her memories of hurting people? Embarrassing memories?

Would they even look her in the eye after that?

Before she could voice her worries or her thoughts, Kelly was loading up the tech again, while J'onn morphed into his green Martian form, ready to invade her mind again.

Kara swallowed.

“Let’s continue.”


	2. Chapter 2

“You see how it works?” Kelly asked, showing Kara some of the footage they had so far.

The images were surprisingly clear. They showed everything Kara had seen, only from her point of view.

“We only see what you see, so there’s no image of you anywhere, okay? You just show us the thing you’ve seen, and we can save the images we need. Is that okay?”

Kara nodded tersely.

“So I can keep my eyes closed?”

“Yes. You don’t have to look at the TV to see what’s going on. We see what you see. It’d be confusing for your brain to watch double if that makes sense.”

“It does.”

“Okay,” Kelly said, clicking on the buttons. “Ready?”

Kara nodded.

“Okay, Kara. Think back to Lex. When was the first time you ever heard of him?”

Kara closed her eyes and tried to relax the best she could. She focused all of her attention on Lex. Had he always looked bald? No. She’d seen him on TV before, when she was a lot younger. He’d had hair then. Well, he’d had a receding hairline. He was very clearly in the process of going bald.

He had been giving some sort of speech…

“I think it was a Tuesday,” Kara mumbled.

The TV in Lena’s lab lit up.

* * *

“We will show the alien invader that this is our home! Our planet! Our world!”

The words were harsh. Spat out. Drenched in hatred and disgust. They were spoken on the TV in the Danvers’ living room, back in Midvale. Kara remembered all of it. She remembered sitting on a pillow on the floor, in a comfy stretchy jeans Eliza had given her, one of Alex's old knock-offs. She had a mug of hot chocolate in her hands, and was having a pretty good day.

The autumn sun shone through the large glass door that led to the back garden and made the Danvers’ living room look cozier and more beautiful than ever. She'd watched her cartoons without loud interruptions from Alex, cause she was upstairs in her room, Eliza was ironing in the other room, and Jeremiah was at work in his lab. She had the TV all to herself, and she had no desire to get up at all.

“We do not bow to anyone. We will take what is ours and protect our people from vile creatures like Superman, who think they can just control us!”

Kara hadn’t known who the man on the TV was back then. She was watching her cartoons – Kim Possible, possibly the coolest thing Kara had _ever_ seen, even if Alex called it childish and dorky – and when the program had ended and had switched over to the news, she hadn’t moved to get up because she’d heard her cousin’s name – well, his alter ego – being mentioned.

The man on the TV wore a black suit. He looked sort of handsome, Kara had thought, but the hatred had twisted his face into a scary mask, that Kara didn’t like to look at.

Still, she didn’t really understand what he was saying. She couldn’t comprehend back then, that someone could _not_ like her cousin.

“These aliens bring their alien diseases to our planet, to our country!” the man yelled. “They think they can learn our ways, pretend to save us – oh yes, pretend! Because when we are all docile and demure when we trust blindly into this alien threat, then he’ll attack! When we’re praising his name, and putting our lives in his hands, then he’ll turn on us, and make no mistake! He will turn on us.”

Worried sounds rose up from the crowd standing in front of him. People murmured noisily amongst themselves, but it didn't seem to bother the man.

"We won’t see it coming, because we have nothing to defend ourselves with! We’ll let that alien kill our children, and destroy our planet, just like he did his own! Do you want that?”

People cried out in the crowd, but whether they were agreeing with the man or not, Kara couldn’t figure out.

“But I know!” the man started. “I know, and I’ll fight. I’m prepared! I won’t let this city be defenseless against these monsters! LuthorCorp is in the process of creating new technology, technology that will make us independent, and unafraid of these creatures! We’ll level the playground! We can be ready! LuthorCorp will be there to save the day. To save America, and to save our planet,” the man concluded, a wry grin on his face.

“And if Superman tries to stop me,” he murmured the words as if they were an afterthought. Then, he smirked, and Kara felt chills run down her body as she remembered in detail how horrifying Lex had looked. How dangerous. “I’ll show him just how this planet deals with pests.”

The crowd erupted into a loud brawl, boos and cheers alike filling the once peaceful Metropolis Park in the afternoon.

Kara remembered leaning in closer to the TV, watching the policemen, and LuthorCorp’s private security teams attempt to break up the crowds and restore some semblance of peace. But right when Kara wanted to take a closer look at Lex’s face while he observed the crowd’s distress with a pleased smirk, the TV was cut off.

“That’s quite enough!”

The frame on Lena’s TV swirled to the right, revealing an anxious and upset looking Eliza Danvers, the television remote in her hand.

“But I was just – ”

“Go to your room!”

“But what did I – ”

“Please, Kara.”

Her tone left no room for argument. Demurely, the younger Kara went up to her room, the images on the lab TV showing the wooden staircase, and picture frames filled with Alex’s face covering the wall.

“It’s not fair,” Kara’s younger voice mumbled. She paused on the stairs and didn’t go up. “It’s not fair. I didn’t do nothing wrong. Nothing.”

She could hear Alex’s music playing from where she was sitting on her spot on the stairs.

Lately, Alex had been into hard rock and metal bands, and she rarely used her Discman, opting instead to blast the music from her cd player, killing Kara’s ears in the process.

No, if it was already so loud before she’d even gotten upstairs, Kara didn’t want to go back to her bedroom.

She sat down and carefully leaned her head against the white wall. She didn’t want to have another accident where a Kara-shaped dent in the wall had to be covered up by a new picture frame. At the rate they were going, they’d run out of pictures before long.

She had to pull up her pants before she could actually sit down, however. Alex’s knock-offs were just slightly too big for her, and they tended to slide down her thin thighs.

She’d only been sitting there for a short time before she became aware of Eliza’s frantic voice. She was on the phone with someone, because Kara could detect the metally sound of a different voice, a sound she’d come to recognize as a distant voice coming through the ingenious invention.

“Jeremiah, you don’t understand,” Eliza hissed. “He was on TV! Things are escalating fast! You need to come home right now!”

The metally voice tried to calm Eliza down, but Eliza was having none of it.

“He was talking about hurting him, Jer! This is not a joke! Clark warned us things were getting tense in Metropolis!”

“ _Sweetheart, Metropolis is on the other end of the country. It won’t_ – ”

“I don’t care if it’s on the other end of the globe!” Eliza shrieked. “You don’t know what he’s capable of! You didn’t hear him talk, Jeremiah,” she added in a lowered voice. “I’m scared. I’m actually scared.”

“ _Honey_ – ”

“She doesn’t even know,” Eliza whispered. “She didn’t even understand. God, I must’ve scared her.”

_“Scared her?”_

Eliza sighed. “I yelled at her,” she admitted guiltily. “She didn’t even know why. I just got so scared, and she was watching the TV like it was just another cartoon, I – I,” she sighed. “I’m terrible.”

 _“You’re not terrible,”_ Jeremiah reasoned. _“You’re a mother. You’re protective. She’ll get over it. We’ll explain, okay? We’ll tell her, and we’ll explain and this’ll all blow over.”_

Eliza didn’t answer.

“ _Look_ ,” Jeremiah said, “ _I’m coming home but – ”_

“Jer,” Eliza said, her voice shaky. “If he’s after Clark he’s after Kara too. You know he is.”

Jeremiah was silent for a few seconds.

“ _We don’t know that,_ ” he said after a beat. “ _He doesn’t even know she exists. We’ll keep it that way.”_

“Jeremiah,” Eliza pleaded. “He’s after aliens. You know he is. You really think he’s going to stop after Clark? You really think he’ll just retire once one alien has been dealt with? Even I’m not that naïve.”

 _“I’m coming over_ ,” the voice on the phone decided resolutely. “ _I’m coming home right now. He won’t get Kara, I promise, okay? I’ll keep us safe. All of us.”_

Kara only vaguely remembered Eliza hanging up the phone and walking towards the front door, where the wooden cabinet with the phone stand was. She passed the staircase and spotted Kara.

“Oh sweetie,” her blue eyes filled with worry. “How long have you – how much of that did you hear?”

She stretched out her arm to get Kara to take her hand, but Kara couldn’t deal with that then.

She dashed away and sprinted upstairs. She passed the bathroom, Eliza and Jeremiah’s room, the study, and then ran through her shared bedroom, where Alex was sitting on her bed, flipping through the pages of a magazine, her awful music turned on to the max.

Kara barely registered the insulted “hey!” as she sped through the room, jumped through the window, and landed in the garden. The gush of wind must’ve blown the magazine out of Alex’s hands or whatever. She didn’t know, and she didn’t care. She just kept running.

She ran until she reached the forest, and then she jumped up, into the trees. She jumped from tree to tree, higher and higher, until she felt like her hands could almost become one with the leaves and the bark, and she could become part of the tree herself. Where no one would find her.

Kara remembered.

It was the first time on the planet she found out someone wanted to really hurt her. And she didn’t know why.

Kara felt the pressure increase in her head, and suddenly the memory seemed to skip over some parts.

Lena’s TV settled on a different memory, only a couple of hours after the last one.

Kara had come home from the forest when her stomach had urged her to leave the trees and find something to eat – thereby successfully squashing her dreams of hiding out in the trees forever – and Eliza and Jeremiah had been waiting for her on the front porch.

Kara had wanted to remain strong, cool. She was not just a teenager, she was Kara Zor-El from Krypton, and she would make her family proud.

But when Eliza tilted her head, looking at her with that soft, sad smile, and opened her arms to let Kara in, Kara lost it. She crossed the last yards between them in seconds, hitting Eliza when she got to the house, almost knocking the woman over. She was bawling her eyes out before Eliza could even hug her back.

Eliza closed her arms around Kara’s shoulder, and squeezed her tight, while Kara’s tears soaked her soft hand-knit sweater.

Eliza didn’t mind. She just held Kara, and made soft shushing sounds, rocking the both of them slightly. Jeremiah’s hand stroked Kara’s long curls, as he held the two of them.

“Oh baby,” Eliza murmured. “I love you so much. I love you so, _so_ much.”

And Kara cried, feeling the fear and the anger that came with not knowing and understanding what was going on drain away the longer Eliza held her, and the more Jeremiah stroked her hair.

"It's going to be okay. I promise."

"It's alright, sweetheart," Jeremiah added softly.

Moments later, the memory morphed again.

It was the same day, just moments after the last memory.

This time, Kara was sitting at the dinner table with Jeremiah and Eliza in front of her. An empty plate sat before her, and a cup of warm tea with honey warmed her hands. Eliza had winked at her and said it was a secret healing potion, so Kara cherished it, and took careful sips.

“Sweetheart,” Jeremiah started uncomfortably, “we have to talk to you about something.”

“Is it about the TV?” Kara asked.

Eliza paled, and her lips tightened. She was clearly uncomfortable. But Jeremiah covered her balled hands in his and gave Kara a small smile.

“Yes, kiddo. It’s about the TV.”

Kara nodded and looked at her folded hands on the table. She didn’t dare to look in Jeremiah’s eyes for some reason.

“We’d like to know what you got from that program. Did you understand everything?”

Kara nodded, before shaking her head.

“Alright. Do you have any questions?”

Kara stayed quiet for a bit, thinking. Then she spoke up.

“Who was that man?”

She furtively looked up through her eyelashes, and saw Eliza and Jeremiah exchange glances, like they were trying to decide on something.

“That man is called Lex Luthor,” Jeremiah eventually said. “He’s a businessman from Metropolis.”

“Why was he so angry in front of those people?” Kara asked softly, playing with her fingers.

Jeremiah sighed deeply.

“It’s complicated, kiddo,” he said. “It’s really complicated.”

Kara looked up. “Is he angry at Kal-El?”

“Yes and no,” Eliza spoke up, “he’s not mad at Kal-El as a person, but he’s mad at Superman.”

Kara frowned. “Why?”

“Well, honey,” Jeremiah said, leaning closer over the table, “sometimes, people get scared. They don’t mean to, but they do,” he explained. “And when those people get scared, they like to blame people. They like to pinpoint all of their fear and hatred on one person, or one group of people, because that makes them feel powerful. It makes them feel secure to know who the enemy is. Then they know how to defend themselves.”

Kara tilted her head, no longer distraught, but just plain confused.

“So you’re saying that this Lexluth’r is scared of Superman?”

“Well,” Jeremiah acquiesced, “we think he’s not just scared of Superman, but of all Kryptonians. Of all aliens, maybe. He thinks they want to hurt him. And maybe, some aliens already have hurt him, so he’s scared and angry.”

“Oh,” Kara’s voice brightened up instantly. “But that’s okay! If he’s scared, we can just go talk to him!” she said as if it was the most logical thing in the world. “We can go over to Metropolis, and I can go explain to mister Lexluth’r that I mean no harm!”

Her voice got more excited the longer she spoke, and the more her plan formed in her mind.

“I can show him I’m not dangerous, and that Kal’s not dangerous, and I can just say sorry if an alien was mean to him, and then he won’t be scared anymore, and he won’t be angry on TV anymore, and then I can just watch Kim Possible without being sent upstairs.”

Kara looked from Eliza to Jeremiah, both of them looking both stunned, and incredibly sad at the same time.

A silence fell over the dinner table. Nobody said anything for a while, but then Eliza’s bottom lip started trembling, and Kara’s enthusiasm slowly disappeared from her face.

She looked at Eliza questioningly. Why weren’t they agreeing with her?

Eliza reached out and stroked Kara’s hair, a sad smile on the brink of tears appearing on her face.

Confused, Kara turned to Jeremiah, who looked equally emotional.

“… what?” Kara asked self-consciously. “Can’t we go to Metropolis? We could go say hi to Kal. I promise I’ll behave…” Her voice trailed off when her new parents’ silence held on.

Kara looked at Eliza, but the woman just pressed a kiss to her head.

“While I think that’s a fantastic idea, Kara,” Jeremiah said in a hoarse voice, “and while I can’t understand how that winning attitude,” he laughed slightly, “couldn’t convince the entire world to just embrace world peace,” he covered her hand with his, “I’m afraid that wouldn’t help in this situation.”

“Why not?” Kara asked confused.

“Because some people,” Jeremiah explained, “don’t want to be proven wrong. They need an enemy, and they don’t want to be told that that enemy isn’t real. They wouldn’t listen to your explanation, because they don’t want to listen.”

“Even if I explain it to him really nice?” Kara asked.

“Even then,” Jeremiah said.

Kara leaned back in her chair. “But why won’t Lexluth’r listen to me? I promise I’ll be on my best behavior. I can show him I’m not scary.”

Kara paused.

“Am I scary?” she asked self-consciously.

“No, no, sweetheart,” both of them spoke up at the same time.

“Never. You’re our little girl,” Eliza swore, “and you’re the least scary person I’ve ever met in my life.”

“I mean, you’ve met Alex,” Jeremiah joked, trying to alleviate some tension, which earned him a pointed glare from Eliza.

But it all just confused Kara more.

“But if I’m not scary – ”

“Kara,” Eliza interrupted, “you should know that it’s not _just_ Lex Luthor.”

Kara looked up at her.

“There’s a lot of people out there, like him, who don’t like your cousin. Who don’t like aliens.”

“But Kal helps people?” Kara protested. “Why wouldn’t they like him?”

Eliza tucked a blonde curl behind Kara’s ear.

“Some people just aren’t that kind, Kara. They want to be mean, and vindictive. They won’t stop until they’re powerful, and someone else is not.”

Kara was starting to catch on.

“My cousin.”

“Exactly,” Eliza smiled sadly. “You’re so smart. Such a smart girl. You got it.”

“So,” Kara said, looking at Jeremiah, “are they dangerous? Will they hurt Kal?”

Again, her new parents exchanged looks.

“That’s actually what we wanted to talk about, sweetheart,” Jeremiah said. “Kal can hold his own, he’s strong. He’s got a whole team behind him. But those people don’t just dislike your cousin.”

Eliza’s words earlier on finally made sense.

“They want to hurt me too,” Kara confirmed for him.

Jeremiah nodded.

“All aliens, more specifically. Listen, I know we already talked about you learning how to control your powers. I know we said you couldn’t use them.”

Kara made a tiny disgruntled sound.

“But now we have to tell you to be even more vigilant.”

“Vigilant?”

“You have to watch out more,” Eliza explained.

“Exactly. Kara,” Jeremiah implored, staring deep into her eyes, “no one can know that you’re an alien. Right now, the only ones who know you’re an alien are Kal, Alex, and us. We want that to stay that way. We don’t know who shares Lex Luthor’s ideas, you see? We don’t know who’d want to hurt you. We don’t know –”

“Who’s scared,” Kara finished the sentence.

Jeremiah nodded.

“Kara,” he said, making her look up, “I need you to promise you won’t ever tell anyone you’re not from here. Do you understand? You can’t tell anyone. Not your friends – ”

“I don’t have friends,” Kara said absentmindedly. “They’re all dead.”

A beat.

“Yes,” Jeremiah said, “yes, I suppose that’s true.”

Beside her, Eliza had to stifle a sob, looking away from Kara.

Kara didn’t know why Eliza always had such a hard time talking about Krypton. Every time it was brought up, Eliza had to hold Kara close, or run a hand through her hair, or kiss her temple. Kara thought it was weird cause she’d never lived on Krypton. She never watched it die. But anytime Kara mentioned someone she’d lost, Eliza just broke a little bit.

It was all very confusing.

“But you will meet new people,” Jeremiah assured. “You’ve only been here for four months. You haven’t had the chance to meet people yet. Once you start school in a couple of months, you’ll meet lots of new people, and you’ll want to tell them all about who you are and where you’re from.”

Kara nodded, but Jeremiah’s eyes turned grave.

“But you can’t tell them, Kara, you hear me?” he implored. “It’s dangerous. We don’t want anything bad to happen to you. We don’t want anyone to hurt you. We don’t know what they’re capable of, but if Lex’s speech showed anything today, it’s that they’re getting more scared, and more dangerous. You get it?”

“I get it,” Kara mumbled.

“Okay,” Eliza said, “that’s enough for now. There’s no need to scare her.”

“No,” Jeremiah cut her off. “No, it’s not enough. She needs to know, Eliza.”

He turned to Kara again.

“You don’t want to be left in the dark right?”

Kara thought back to the phantom zone and shivered. No, she wouldn’t like to stay in that darkness again. So she shook her head. Jeremiah looked pleased.

“So, promise me then, Kara,” he said, his eyes burning intensely. “Promise me you won’t tell.”

Kara looked at Eliza. She was pale, her eyes were red from almost crying a couple of times, but she didn’t protest. She didn’t stop Jeremiah.

And that’s when Kara realized they were very, very serious.

“Okay,” she nodded. “Okay, I promise. I promise I won’t tell.”

“Anybody,” Jeremiah said.

“Anybody,” Kara confirmed.

The memory morphed again, violently this time, and Kara felt like she was on some kind of a rollercoaster, being swung from one side to another, up and down, through a looping, and up and down again.

She almost felt sick.

_“Another tragic day for Metropolis as Lex Luthor beats down Superman, in a chilling fight in the sky. We are now live on the scene, as the philanthropic businessman declares war to America’s own superhero.”_

Kara was at school, in the cafeteria, which for once, was completely quiet. All eyes were on the television screen, as Kara watched with tear-filled eyes how Kal was beaten to a pulp, blood and sweat seeping from his forehead as he took punch after punch from the green-glowing suit.

Lex’ maniacal laughter cut through Kara’s flesh and bone, as she watched the only family she had left get knocked down time and time again.

The camera focused on Lex’s gigantic fist, as he held Superman down with one hand, and raised his fist high above his head, ready to deliver the final punch.

“No,” Kara whispered.

Then, Alex’s scent washed over her.

A warm small hand squeezed her shoulder, and her sister whispered: “Close your eyes.”

Kara saw her cousin close his eyes, a sickening green glow somehow turning the veins on his face green too. His hands were on the hand Lex used to hold him down, trying to pry it off in one last desperate attempt to get free.

“Close your eyes.”

“Kal,” Kara whispered, her voice breaking. “No. No!”

“Kara,” the younger Alex whispered in her ear, “close your eyes.”

“But Kal – ”

“You don’t have to see this, Kara,” Alex whispered. “I’m right here. Just close your eyes.”

And Kara did.

The memory warped again. A violent stretch through time, and space, and Kara’s stomach turned.

She was on Krypton, the skies were burning, and the scorching earth caused her feet to blister because she’d run out of bed barefoot, only clad in her white robe. She didn’t pay it any mind, though, because her world was quite literally burning, and there were other things to worry about.

Like, Rao, it was _so_ loud.

People were screaming, crying, begging, praying to Rao, praying for ships to come. To help. But no help was coming. Their screams seemed pointless. Kara wished they’d shut up cause they were hurting her ears.

It was so loud. So freaking –

“Kara, close your eyes!” her father told her firmly. “Don’t look, Kara.”

“Zor-El!” her mother’s voice called out.

She was ahead of them, trying to make a path to some unknown destination, wading her way through piles of rubble, and burning things.

It was only in retrospect that Kara found out those burning things must’ve been bodies.

“I’ve got her, Alura!” her father called back. “You just move!”

Then, he picked Kara up and slung her over his shoulder.

She dropped the notebook – her notebook, a special one, in which all of her writings were stored instead of in the usual crystals. This one was old school. Special. One she’d gotten from her dad from one of his trans-planetary travels. He’d given it to her with a smile, and had said it should serve as an instigator to start saving her scientific experiments so that one day she could help him in his lab.

“My book,” Kara murmured, slightly dazed, hand outstretched towards the paper that already started curling up and darkening, slowly disappearing in the smoke and ash as her father ran away.

“Daddy, my book.”

But her father wasn’t listening.

“Daddy,” Kara tried again, her voice hoarse and painful, “my book. I need my – ”

She was interrupted by her own violent cough, one that wrecked through her body and hurt her lungs more than the Argo Flue from two years ago. Kara put her hand up to cover her mouth like she’d been taught, and when she pulled it back, she saw black particles on her outstretched palm.

Soot.

Kara wiped her hand on her father’s shirt, gripping her knees tight around his waist because she kept gliding down because he was running so fast. She wanted to ask where they were going. If it was a dream. Surely the skies couldn’t really be bleeding? And surely an earthquake wasn’t really breaking apart Krypton’s surface?

Kara looked to her left and almost fell out of her father’s hold.

Her science teacher, the one who’d praised her a day ago for her amazing advancements in the field of Nano-biology, Veria An-Nith, was lying on the ground, eyes staring into space, unseeing. A halo of red blood surrounded her head, but Kara almost missed it, because it mixed with the red dust from her dying planet.

Kara tried to call out her name, but her voice only came out scratchy, and the sound was drowned out by the noise outside.

Kara waved at her.

She didn’t move.

Kara tried to get her attention, but her father was already running away.

But when her teacher didn’t move and didn’t blink, Kara knew something was wrong. Very wrong.

She screamed.

Her father turned, alarmed at the noise, and saw her teacher. When he did, however, he didn’t stop to help, like Kara thought he would.

He was a helper. A scientist. He helped people who were sick by finding cures and new ways of life to sustain them. But now he didn’t run up to her. He didn’t help her get up and get away.

Instead, he covered Kara’s eyes with his big hand.

“It’s alright, Kara. Close your eyes.”

“What’s happening?” Kara asked through her tears. “What’s going on?”

Looking back, she found it strange she hadn’t asked it before. Not when she was pulled out of bed by her mother; nor when the ground started grumbling like her stomach did when it was hungry. She didn’t even ask what was going on when her house quite literally started crumbling to the ground.

She blamed it on her childish beliefs that she was stuck in a nightmare, and that her parents would protect her, so she had nothing to worry about. Maybe she thought she’d just wake up the following morning in her bed, and all of it would just have been a bad dream.

“Daddy, what’s going on?” she cried.

Her father didn’t answer.

Kara struggled to look through his fingers, only seeing flashes of red with yellow streaks breaking the sky behind her. She fought hard, trying to catch a glimpse of what was happening out there. Once she’d finally ripped her father’s hand from her eyes, she saw a sight she’d never, ever forget. A trauma that would stay with her forever.

Gigantic, ragged, fiery lines, ran through Krypton’s surface.

The ground was ripping itself apart. The once proud, tall buildings of Krypton's prime cities were crumbling to the ground, squashing everything and everyone in its path. The ground was glowing hot. Fumes and gasses from deep within Krypton's core made their way to the surface, choking the once vibrant life on the planet. Human fireballs ran through the rubble, before disappearing in the ashes and dust. People screamed blood-curdling screams. People she knew, people she’d talked to, people she’d passed in the streets, fell to the ground and didn’t get back up.

No one got back up.

And Kara screamed.

“Close your eyes, Kara,” her father ordered her. “Close them now.”

Kara whimpered, and looked at her dying planet one final time.

“Close your eyes, Kara.”

And Kara did.

“Kara! Kara, open your eyes!”

“Open your eyes, darling, we’re right here.”

“Kara, please!”

Kara became aware of the sounds first.

She wasn’t on Krypton anymore. Those screams had stopped. The screams of dying people weren’t far from her mind, but they weren’t _here_ , here. But there were other sounds, loud and painful.

A machine beeped incessantly, loud and uncomfortable in her ears. The voices of people she recognized, overcrowding her personal space rung in her ears.

Kara tried to open her eyes, which she immediately felt was a bad idea. Her head hurt like hell, her cheeks were flaming red and hot, and her sight was troubled and weak. There were multiple shapes of people rushing around her, fiddling at all the equipment attached to her.

“Stop,” she said weakly, opening her eyes, but not being able to distinguish anything yet. “Stop.”

But it seemed like they hadn’t heard her. They continued to fret at her, pulling at the wires on her chest, and fiddling with her IV. And they yelled, Rao it was too much to take. Her eyes fell shut again, which sort of surprisingly worked better to navigate her surroundings than when her eyes were actually open.

Kara sat up all at once, using what little force she had to push blindly at the incoming noise with flailing arms. Her hands hit a soft mass, which she assumed was a person, and she tried to push them away, but mostly just made it clear she wanted some space, as she didn’t actually have the force to move a dung beetle right now.

“G’t-way. G’way. Go’way.”

Someone must’ve caught on to what she was saying, because the air flowed a little freer around her, like the people that’d been around her had taken a step back.

“Kara?” someone asked carefully.

That was Kelly.

“Kara, do you think you can open your eyes?”

“Kara, can you hear me? Kara?”

Whoever that was sounded panicked.

“Luther, what’s happening?”

The panicked voice, that sort of bordered on maniacal abuse, that was Alex. Kara knew Alex.

“I don’t know! Maybe she was under too long, maybe it was too much, I don’t know!”

That was Lena. Kara knew it was. She sounded completely different than she usually did. Out of breath, scared, frustrated… _panicked_.

“Alex, you have to calm down.”

“I’m not going to calm down, Kelly, that’s my sister! You said she’d be okay!”

“She will be, I promise –”

“You promised me she was going to be fine, and she’s clearly not fine!” Alex’s voice bordered on hysterical, fear seeping through her every word. “I should’ve never let you go through with this! This is barbaric! You’re torturing her! I won’t let you –”

“Alex?” Kara groaned.

The voices all instantly shut up, and Kara felt almost relieved.

“Alex, are you there?”

A warm hand took hers and covered it with her own.

“I’m right here, Kara, are you okay?”

“Can you open your eyes?” Kelly chimed in.

Kara groaned but forced herself to try. Slowly, she started blinking, fighting against the red light of the sunlamps. The shapes of three people around her started to become clearer and more pronounced.

She recognized Kelly, who looked concerned but relieved that Kara could finally open her eyes.

“Kelly?” she asked, her voice gravelly and painful.

“I’m right here,” she squeezed Kara’s uninjured hand, “like I said I would.”

Kara turned her head and saw Alex. She looked awful. Her face was pale and blotchy, and her beautiful brown eyes were red-rimmed. Still, Kara loved seeing her.

“Alex,” she murmured affectionately. Then again, a crack in her voice. “Alex.”

“Kara,” Alex said, tears forming in her eyes.

Kara could only half-extend her arms, but Alex got the message.

She wrapped her arms around Kara so tight that Kara almost lost the ability to breathe.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Alex whispered tearily. “The monitor went crazy. Your vitals were all over the place. I was so scared.”

“Alex,” Kara whimpered, her hands bunching the material of Alex’s black sweater, just to make sure she was really there.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Alex kept whispering. “I’m here. I’m right here, Kara. I’m not going anywhere, I’m right here. God, I’m so sorry.”

Kara closed her again, just for a second, taking in Alex’s comforting scent. Just Alex. She was there, and she wouldn’t leave.

“Alex, my dad,” she whispered. “My dad, and Kal, I – ”

“I know, baby, I know. I saw. It’s okay, I’m here. It’s over.”

So Alex had seen. She probably hadn’t understood anything that had been said in Kara’s memory, but she must’ve gotten the big picture.

She saw what Kara had, all those years ago.

A burning planet. A dying people.

“My dad,” she whispered, the crack in her voice making it almost impossible to hear.

Kara started feeling queasy. Really queasy, actually. Like, the pressure around her body was too much. She felt a weird, brewing feeling in her stomach, and suddenly felt very alarmed.

“Alex,” Kara warned. “Alex, let go.”

Alex hummed but didn’t let go. She hadn’t heard her.

Kara pushed her sister off as fast as she could, and she could barely even apologize when she saw the hurt flash in her sister’s eyes, before hanging her head over the armrest of her chair and throwing up in one of the most strategically placed medical waste bins ever.

Someone pushed Kelly and Alex aside and gently wrapped all of Kara’s hair into a makeshift ponytail, while her other hand gently brushed any stray hairs behind her ears to keep her from getting herself dirty.

Through her hurling, Kara could hear a woman’s voice.

“She’s getting sick, you two need to step back. You can talk to her in a minute. Get out.”

The voice didn’t allow for any protest, and both Kelly and Alex left without another word, allowing Kara to feel absolutely miserable for a second. Kara vaguely recognized the firm voice as Lena’s, but she was temporarily incapable of deciding how she felt about Lena holding her hair back while she was throwing up.

Her stomach expelling everything she’d consumed that day sort of kept her busy.

Kara threw up until her stomach was empty, and the only thing that came out was gross bitter bile.

The hand that wasn’t holding Kara’s hair started rubbing soothing circles on Kara’s back. Kara closed her eyes to shut out the headache that came with throwing up. This had definitely been one of the worst days ever.

Once she’d fully recovered, and sat back up on the chair, Kara looked up. Lena was standing right beside her, her hand still resting comfortably on Kara’s lower back.

“Lena?” Kara croaked.

“Right here,” Lena answered, her voice kinder than it had been in months. “I’m right here.”

Kara nodded.

“I don’t feel so good.”

Kara didn’t know if she was talking about her stomach, her headache, or the feeling of absolute misery left after reliving her memories, but Lena seemed to understand.

Lena sighed and rubbed another circle on Kara’s back.

“I know,” she said, “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what went wrong. Your memories were just running over from one into the other, and then you just…” she paused. “I don’t know. I think J'onn and Kelly might’ve jumped through your memories too fast, but I can’t say for certain. It’s not an exact science. I’m so sorry, Kara.”

Kara didn’t say anything. She was pretty sure the sickness had more to do with what she saw than with the actual memory-jumping, but she wasn’t ready to say that yet.

Lena’s hand left Kara’s back for only a few seconds, but Kara couldn’t suppress a tiny whine.

Lena shushed her and came back with a cup of water. Kara gratefully accepted it and gulped it down quickly under Lena’s watchful eye.

Lena took the empty cup from her and produced a wet washcloth from out of nowhere. Lena looked at Kara questioningly, and after a tiny nod, started wiping the dirt and bile from Kara’s mouth.

Kara felt exhausted, but she still felt all too aware of how gross and disgusting she was.

“M’sorry,” she whispered.

Lena stopped wiping.

“What?” she asked.

“M’sorry. You don’t have to clean me up.” Her cheeks were burning up. “I can do it.”

“Don’t be silly,” Lena said. “I don’t mind helping you. Believe me.”

And Kara did, somehow.

She let Lena take care of her. She let her brush her hair out of her face until it lay neatly on her back; let her put some more fluids in her IV, and feed her the tiniest piece of toast to get her strengths up.

When Kara shivered, and Lena noticed. Kara wrapped her arms around herself, but the air in Lena’s lab was really cold.

Lena took off her lab coat, under which she was wearing a beautiful navy sweater that just exuded grace and elegance. She swiftly pulled it off, the black top she was wearing underneath rising up as well, revealing a sliver of beautiful pale skin. Kara blushed and looked away.

But then Lena shoved the garment in Kara’s hands.

“Here,” she said softly, “put that on. It’ll warm you up.”

“Lena, I can’t – ”

“Yes you can,” Lena said, an arched eyebrow and the hint of a smile on her mouth strengthening her case.

So what could Kara do but smile back and carefully slip on the beautiful sweater that was so out of her league?

Lena helped her get it over her back and took Kara’s hair in her tender hands to pull it out of the confines of the sweater and let it rest on Karas back once more.

Kara was convinced she didn’t look half as good as Lena in the sweater. She was wearing that stupid hospital gown underneath, making it look a bit bulky, and the woman was basically a supermodel for Rao’s sake, but the way Lena looked at her made all of those thoughts disappear.

Lena looked… soft. She smiled a tiny smile at the sight of Kara in her sweater.

“You look nice,” she whispered.

Kara blushed and tentatively smiled back.

“Thanks,” she whispered back.

Lena’s eyes flitted over Kara’s face, her brow furrowed like she was trying to figure something out.

“Kara…” she asked hesitantly.

“Yes?” Kara asked, almost holding her breath in anticipation.

Lena opened her mouth, but then seemed to think better of it. She shook her head and smiled a half-smile.

“No, never mind. It’s okay.”

She picked up the washcloth, the bin, and some tissues she’d used to wipe away Rao-knows-what.

“I’ll be right on the other side of the glass. When you feel up to it, you can join us. Okay?”

“Okay,” Kara said, trying to hide her disappointment.

Lena had wanted to ask her something but hadn’t. Well, throwing up probably couldn’t completely change Lena’s mind about the fight, she mused. Lena had just done her job as the semi-doctor/ actual scientist. She was only helping Kara because she had to.

Still, Kara thought. It had been the most constructive conversation they’d had in months, and _that_ was a win.

* * *

After Kara felt ready, she jumped off the chair, washed her hands in the sterile sink – carefully avoiding the hand that still had a tube in it that lead to the IV she didn’t have to wear for now – and opened the metal door that gave way to the other side of Lena’s lab.

The first thing to hit her was the arguing. The whole gang was standing in some kind of semi-circle, their backs towards Kara. They were talking so loud, and talking over each other, that they didn’t even notice Kara walk in.

“I’m telling you, we’re not doing it again!”

“Alex – ”

“She literally got sick from jumping in those memories, Kelly! We all want to catch Lex, but I’m not going to let you just torture her –”

“Torture? Alex this is my job,” Kelly said icily. “Maybe you should take a step back and let me handle this.”

“All due respect, though,” Lena chimed in, “science is my field of research here too. I think it’s safe to say we’re all a little out of depth here! I mean, we all saw what her memory jumped to. This was not a routine psychologist session, Kelly. I mean, let’s start with what we know,” she explained. “We start with one clear memory we need, and her mind makes connections, associations. Her mind is a living, brewing entity that doesn’t conform to the rules we want to lay down with Rojas’ tech. We can’t keep her from jumping to the worst memories she has. Now,” she concluded, “I’m not sure how ethical it is for us to keep going, and to keep forcing Kara to relive the worst traumas of her life.”

“For once, I’m going to have to agree with Lena,” Alex said.

“But what if I helped?” Nia spoke up. “Dreams and hidden thoughts are literally my specialties. What if I could help regulate what memories come up?”

“The memories weren’t the problem,” J'onn’s booming voice. “I told you from the start meddling in someone’s memory was a bad idea. She didn’t get sick from those memories; she got sick because there were two people in her head at the same time. I’m sorry Nia, I know you want to help, but the last thing Kara needs is another person meddling in her brain.”

“Didn’t you hear me?” Alex said, her voice dangerously close to an outburst. “We are not putting her back in there! For God’s sake, did we all not see what I saw? Did you not just see those people burn to death? Kara’s friends? Her family?”

A silence fell over the group.

Kara coughed, embarrassed.

As if on cue, all of her friends turned around and looked at her, their eyes ranging from pity to outright horror.

“Kara,” Nia said nervously, “we didn’t see you there.”

“Yeah,” Kara muttered, “I figured.”

An awkward silence hung in the air, no one knowing quite what to say.

“I want to go back in, by the way,” Kara chirped up.

“Kara,” Alex protested.

“I’m fine,” Kara said resolutely. “I want to catch Lex. If anything, going through memories I’d half forgotten about just reminded me why we’re doing this. Lex has destroyed so many lives, the least we can do is get justice, and expose him for the monster he is.”

She looked around the room and saw the others avert their gazes uncomfortably. No one agreed with her. No one jumped in on her usually very well-received pep talks.

Kara’s heart sank.

She knew having her friends look into her memories would change things, she knew it! Obviously they pitied her, or worse, they were finally starting to see that she wasn’t the strong hero everyone thought she was! Her memories proved that she was nothing more than a weepy crybaby, only faking her bravery and self-assuredness. She was no hero; she was just playing pretend. So how could she inspire any sort of bravery from anyone else? How could she convince them her plans would work?

“Look,” Kara tried again, a little more desperate this time, “I fought Lex. I fought him on multiple occasions. Those memories will be key to any case we build. I can do this! I can bring him down!”

She looked around, trying to see if she could garner any support among her friends. Just the tiniest sliver of trust would do.

Nothing.

She turned to Alex, her sister. Her only sister. Her rock. The person who always stood by her, no matter what. But Alex wasn’t looking at her. She just crossed her arms and shook her head.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I can’t do this,” and walked out of the door.

“I better go see what’s wrong,” Kelly said apologetically, before picking up her bag and going after Alex.

“Hey,” Nia said, “we’re just going to take a break and have a bite at the diner. You wanna come too?”

“No thanks,” Kara said dejectedly, “I’ll just wait for Alex.”

Nia nodded.

She hugged Kara, before her, Brainy and J'onn slipped out the door, leaving only Lena and Kara standing in the same room.

Lena was tapping on her iPad and only seemed to realize she’d missed her chance not to be alone with Kara in one room after the others had already left. She looked up, slightly alarmed, but Kara was too tired to feel hurt.

“I’ll just wait in the lab,” she muttered and left Lena to her peace and solitude. She didn’t have the heart to deal with Lena’s anger then.

Kara sat back on her dentist-like chair, and lay down, willing herself not to cry.

This was so stupid. So incredibly stupid.

She felt embarrassed. Exposed. Pitied. She couldn’t look her friends in the eye now. She didn’t want to know how they secretly felt about her. Were they talking about her right now? Gossiping? Would they lie about it if she asked them?

A tear escaped her eye, and Kara wiped it away with the palm of her hand.

She felt hopeless.

So far, all they had was one sort-of, indirect memory of Lex, a hurt Alex, a frustrated Kelly, and absolutely nothing they could actually use to save National City.

Their plan was failing, and it was the only one they had.

What if they couldn’t fix it? What if nothing would work out, and Kara would have to live under Lex’ thumb for the rest of her life? Treated like nothing more than a well-trained puppy?

Just when she was on the verge of breaking out into a full-on anxiety freak-out, she heard the door open. Kara quickly held her breath, and wiped at her wet eyes, trying to look as casual and as bored as possible.

Lena’s clicking heels betrayed her identity, as she walked towards one of the computers near Kara.

Kara didn’t look at her, but she could hear Lena tap away on the laptop, probably looking at stats or numbers or whatever Lena usually did when she was around technology.

The room was quiet, bar Kara’s slow breathing, the constant ticking of the keys, and the clicking of the mouse.

Kara played with her fingers, trying to decide what she would put in her CatCo resignation letter. Her stomach turned uncomfortably when she realized Cat would call her. She’d be furious, outraged, and above all, hurt. She’d demand to know why her star reporter, her own home-grown reporter would just up and leave the company she worked her entire life on.

Kara felt her eyes prick again, so she forced herself to think about anything else. Anything but the hurt in Alex’s eyes, the pity in J'onn’s, and the absolute devastation and anger she’d find in Cat’s.

She swallowed, and it was too loud in the quiet room. Too invasive.

“I didn’t know you were so young when Lex nearly killed Superman.”

Lena’s voice, her nonchalant tone, cut through the silence like a knife, and a startled Kara swung her head in Lena’s direction.

“Yes,” she said hesitantly after a while, “I was still in high school then.”

Lena hummed.

“How old were you?”

“Fifteen. I think. Almost sixteen.”

Lena made a noise.

“Yes, I think that could be right. I was in my early twenties then, I think.”

Kara nodded.

Lena smiled. “I sometimes forget we’re not the same age. You always seem so eloquent and put together.”

A laugh bubbled up in Kara’s throat.

“Me?” she asked dryly. “I’ve been told I’m the most immature person people have ever met. Apparently, I have the spirit of a golden retriever.”

Lena laughed, and Kara looked at her in surprise.

She hadn’t heard Lena laugh genuinely in months.

“Being a happy, enthusiastic person doesn’t make you immature Kara. Why would one equate bitterness with maturity?”

Kara shrugged, which ended the short conversation.

A few seconds passed, and then Lena suddenly pulled a chair from under a desk, and rolled it over to Kara, sitting down by her side.

Kara blinked, trying to understand what was happening.

Lena hated her. Really hated her. Had been really vocal about it too. Like, screaming and yelling vocal. But in the span of one evening, Lena had held her hand, pulled her hair back to keep her from throwing up on it, and laughed with her. Not at her; with her.

Kara was at a loss.

She used to pretty bad at reading other people’s emotions, not in a small part due to her having to learn English, its sarcasm, and its irony in a very short time, but she prided herself on being over that. Apart from some small mishaps, Kara had now become pretty apt at knowing what was happening with the people around her, having learned just what to do when someone was angry, hurt, or happy.

But now she didn’t get Lena.

To be fair, Lena had always been an enigmatic person. She didn’t really show her feelings or share her thoughts when they’d first met. She kept a wall around herself, not letting anyone in, and playing the part of the cold, ruthless CEO. Though Kara had quickly found out that image was nothing more than a well-intended ruse. But Lena had opened up to Kara, and Kara had slowly learned Lena’s little ways, her facial expressions, and all her tells which revealed her deeper emotions. Lena’s feelings had become an open book to Kara, one she could read perfectly. But now…

Why she’d put her laptop aside and had taken a seat next to Kara, looking at her the way she did, was beyond Kara. She made herself small, and waited carefully on what Lena was about to say.

“Fifteen’s pretty young to see such a big fight,” Lena eventually said, her eyes tracking Kara’s in her familiar way. “That must’ve been pretty terrible to see.”

Kara swallowed hard, repressing the memories of the sickening crunch that had followed Lex’s punch. Even if she didn’t see it, she’d sure as hell heard it.

“I guess,” Kara said. She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to relive those terrible days when the world thought Superman was truly gone.

“You know,” Lena said, looking down at her folded hands in her lap, “it’s funny.”

Kara looked at her curiously. “What is?”

“Well,” Lena spoke, “the fight was such a big event in history. I remember that story getting raked through the news every day for weeks. Months. Even after he came back, that story was engraved in people’s minds.”

Kara nodded. She remembered.

“But somehow,” Lena said, raising her head to look Kara in the eye again, “somehow it never seemed to cross my mind that you must’ve seen it too. Lived it. Back when I knew you as Supergirl, when I knew you two were related, I never thought about that fight again. It got played over and over on the TV when I was here, and every time I saw it on the news, I just never thought of Supergirl, and how she must’ve felt.”

Kara didn’t say a word.

“Even after I found out you were Supergirl – that my best _friend_ , was Supergirl – it never occurred to me that you had probably seen that very same fight. That you temporarily lost your family that day.”

Kara averted her gaze.

She remembered that awful feeling when her cousin hadn’t gotten back up.

It had felt like falling into a black hole. The world around her had moved in slow motion, classmates passing her by one by one in that over-crowded cafeteria, but it hadn’t been a dream. She had heard them yell, and talk all over each other. No one could believe what had happened in Metropolis. The words had echoed through the room, but they had sounded far away like she was underwater, and they were up there, shouting. She could only vaguely remember Eliza rushing through the cafeteria, still clad in her white lab coat, car keys still in her hand, her hair windswept, and her eyes wild, tracking Kara and Alex down. People had thought it weird that she’d come to pick them up at lunch, with no warning, and only a flimsy excuse of why they had to leave, but Kara hadn’t really registered it.

She’d barely felt Eliza’s hand on her back, suppressing the urge to hug her daughter so tight she would never let go again. But she hadn’t been able to, because she wouldn’t have been able to explain why she was hugging her daughter in the public cafeteria like someone had just died.

Kara hadn’t cried.

The whole way home, sitting next to Eliza in the car – Eliza, who was shooting her worried looks every two seconds – she hadn’t cried.

The radio had announced the fight again, already describing Superman’s known ventures and life, like he was already pronounced dead and they had had to put him in an “in memoriam” section.

Eliza had turned the radio off.

Kara hadn’t cried.

Kara had gone straight to bed, forgoing dinner, falling asleep at three in the afternoon. She hadn’t dreamt. She’d just slept like it had been weeks since she last closed her eyes. She only woke up at nine, when Alex shuffled into their darkened room.

She’d said nothing. She just gently put an apple on Kara’s nightstand, knowing it would in no way satiate Kara’s appetite, but not wanting her to have had nothing to eat either.

Kara had looked at the red apple on her nightstand.

She’d blinked at it about four times, and had then burst out in tears.

Alex had moved on her bed so fast, Kara couldn’t imagine she’d cried alone for even a second. Alex was next to her in a flash, her arms wrapped around her tightly, and she’d held her all night long.

Kara didn’t even realize she was crying until Lena gently put a tissue in her hand.

“Thanks,” Kara murmured and wiped her eyes.

“Don’t worry about it,” Lena said softly. Then, “It must’ve been terrible.”

“It was,” Kara whispered. “He was only dead for one week before he appeared in the sky again. No one had thought to tell us he wasn’t actually dead. He hadn’t told anyone about me, so it never occurred to them to contact us.”

“That’s awful,” Lena whispered. “I’m so sorry, Kara.”

Kara frowned and looked at Lena.

“Why are you sorry?” she asked confused.

Lena let out a sound that resembled half a laugh and half a sob. Her eyes were sad and hopeless, yet she still looked so darn beautiful.

“I’m just so sorry about everything,” she said. “I’m sorry you ever had to deal with Lex. I’m sorry you have to relive all these terrible memories. I’m just _so_ sorry. About everything.”

Lena’s ‘sorry’ seemed to encapsulate a lot more than just those couple of arguments she’d given. It seemed to Kara that she was sorry about a lot more. But she didn’t know what. And she didn’t really care either.

Kara stared at Lena for a bit, blinking uselessly at the beautiful woman looking so broken.

Before she could think better of it, Kara leaned in, noticing the alarm and confusion in Lena’s eyes, before she gently wrapped her arms around Lena’s neck.

Lena’s hands instinctively reached up and wrapped around her waist; holding her gently, so carefully, like she was going to break.

“Thanks, Lena,” Kara whispered in the crook of Lena’s neck.

Lena’s hand moved up, settling on her back.

“You’re welcome,” she murmured back.

And Kara smiled.

They stayed like that for a bit. Lena’s warmth and her amazing scent felt so comforting and familiar, that Kara couldn’t help but sink into it.

Kara had hugged a lot of people over the years, just loving the closeness and the happiness a hug could bring. But hugging Lena was different. Because hugging Lena felt so… right. They fit together so well, like a puzzle. Kara was almost surprised every time they hugged there wasn’t a tiny ‘click’ sound.

After a while, her eyes started to feel heavy, and she rested her head on Lena’s shoulder.

Once Lena found out, she laughed a little, but didn’t move Kara. Her hand just did that thing again, where it rubbed circles on her back, and Kara was convinced it was the single greatest feeling in the world.

Lena’s other hand stayed on her waist, her fingers holding on to her, sometimes contracting, almost squeezing her like she needed to keep Kara in her embrace.

Kara didn’t mind. That was an understatement. Kara loved it.

Eventually though, they had to separate. Not for the first time in her life, Kara bemoaned the fact that hugs had to end. If it were up to her, she would stay wrapped in a hug for hours.

Kara looked at Lena, a little regretfully, already missing Lena’s warm embrace.

Lena seemed to understand, because she laughed a little, and pressed a soft, lingering kiss on Kara’s temple. Her lips were warm, soft, and so, so gentle.

Kara blushed.

When Lena pulled back, Kara couldn’t hide her beaming smile, but Lena laughed a little at the sight, so Kara couldn’t begrudge her inability to hide her emotions.

“You’ve got a little lipstick there,” Lena said, her thumb stroking the area she’d just kissed.

“I don’t mind,” Kara whispered hoarsely.

Lena smiled. She tucked a stray of blonde hair behind Kara’s ear.

“I just wanted to say that I’m in awe of how strong you are, Kara.”

She said it with a smile, but her words were so serious, that Kara thought she just might mean them.

“I didn’t tell you before, but I think you should know. You inspire me, Kara.”

Kara held her breath.

“You have lived through things I can’t even imagine. The glimpses I got at – well. It doesn’t matter, really. Even without them, it has become abundantly clear how strong you are. You’re willing to go through all of those things again to help make the world a better place. You survived the worst, and came out on the other side a wonderful person.”

Her smile faded, and her eyes shone with determination and strength.

“ _You_ , Kara Danvers, are the bravest, strongest person I know. And I admire you for it. You inspire me, every day.”

If the warmth that spread through Kara’s chest was any indication, Lena’s words had effectively dulled the heartache and the pain the memory search had caused. For the first time in weeks, Kara could honestly say she felt like maybe the title of Paragon of Hope wasn’t completely undeserved.

Kara had to keep from crying again, so she just smiled warmly at Lena, who responded in kind, and hugged her shortly, with one arm.

A knock on the opened door interrupted Kara and Lena’s moment. They both broke apart and turned their heads to see a sheepish looking Alex and a tired, but happy Kelly stand in the door opening.

“Hey Kar,”

“Hey Alex.”

“You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Kara confirmed.

Alex sighed and walked into the room. “I’m sorry I overreacted before. I really am.”

Kara nodded. “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not. It’s not okay,” Alex said. “I just… sometimes I forget – ya know. Things. And then I have a hard time – ”

She sighed and turned to Kelly.

“This isn’t working. I’m terrible at this.”

“No you’re not,” Kelly encouraged. “Keep going.”

Alex sighed deeply before walking over to Kara and plopping down on one of the chairs next to Kara.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” Kara said.

“Right,” Alex said. “You love me. A lot.”

Kara nodded.

“And you feel terrible any time I’m unhappy, right?”

Again Kara nodded.

“And if it’s preventable, you definitely go all Supergirl on anyone or anything that tries to hurt me, right?”

Kara had a sneaking suspicion of where this was going.

“And if you’d see me hurting so much that I get sick, you’d be beside yourself with worry.”

Kara sighed and hung her shoulders.

“Of course, Alex. But this isn’t the same thing.”

“I know it’s not,” Alex sighed. “I know we’re – you’re doing this to help us all. But I’m just worried that this is all too much. Kara –”

Kara looked away.

“You might not be ready to talk about it, but I just… Your memories jumped to some dark places. I’m scared – well, all of us – ”

She motioned at Kelly, and the others, who were standing on the other side of the glass.

“ – are worried that it might become too much.”

Kara felt the frustration bubble up inside her again, but just when she wanted to start yelling again, Lena placed her hand on Kara’s back again.

Kara didn’t even have to look around to feel Lena’s support.

Like she was saying, whatever you want to do, I’ll be with you.

“Look, Kara,” Kelly finally spoke up, “Alex and I talked about it, and it is of course completely up to you, but if you want, I can maybe come talk to you sometime?”

“Talk to me?” Kara asked confused.

Kelly looked at her with her sweet, beautiful brown eyes.

“Everybody needs a little help sometimes, Kara. Even the strongest of us. And you’ve gone through so much, helped so many people… it would be weird if you didn’t sometimes need some time to talk about it.”

“You want to be my – my psychologist?” Kara asked, not sure how to feel about it.

“We don’t have to make it sound so official,” Kelly reassured her. “And it doesn’t necessarily have to be me if you didn’t feel comfortable with that. But I really think it could be helpful, especially after doing what you’re doing tonight.”

Kara nodded. She turned her head slightly to look at Lena. Lena smiled a sad smile, and Kara knew what to do.

“Okay,” she said, “I might be open to that.”

“Good,” Kelly said softly, sounding genuinely pleased, “that’s really good.”

Kara took a deep breath. “I want to try again though. I want to beat Lex.”

She nervously looked up to see Alex frowning, displeased, but not surprised. She didn’t protest.

“I kinda figured,” Alex said, by means of an explanation. “I don’t like this. Not one bit. But I trust you, with all my heart. So if you really want to go through with this…” She sighed. “Then I’ll get on board.”

Kara grinned broadly, her excitement almost palpable. She heard Lena giggle behind her.

“But!” Alex spoke up, and Kara feared she’d cheered too soon. “We’ll only do this if we handle things differently this time.”

“Like how?” Kara asked unenthusiastically.

“Like,” Alex said, moving from the chair to a small, unoccupied spot on Kara’s chair, “I’m going to stay in this room.”

She took Kara’s hand in hers.

“I’m going to hold your hand, and I’m going to stay right by your side through it all. Like I always do. I might not have any control over what memories are forced to the surface of your little head,” Kara smiled at Alex’s words, “but I can make sure that you’re not alone, and that you have something to come back to. Someone to help you. What do you think?”

Kara smiled.

“I think that’d be great.”

“Okay then.”

Alex looked around and smiled proudly at her girlfriend. Lena squeezed Kara’s shoulder, and Kara smiled up at her.

Alex smirked. ‘Then let’s get that asshole.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! 
> 
> As you can see, I added more chapters than just the two. I'm thinking the final story will be around three to five chapters. 
> 
> I just wanted to tell you, that just because I haven't been able to comment on all of your comments (too busy writing this next chapter because you guys were so amazing and enthusiastic, like wow!) I have read them all! I loved every single one of them.
> 
> From the bottom of my heart, thank you! I hope you liked the second chapter, and it lived up to your expectations. 
> 
> Please let me know what you thought, either here or on [my Tumblr!](https://thingsanddreamsandstuff.tumblr.com)
> 
> If you have any sort of prompts you think I might like to write, please send me a message on Tumblr! I love writing fan fiction, and I can't wait to write some more :) 
> 
> I hope you all have a wonderful day, and I'm so relieved I got to update this just in time for the new Supergirl episode! Happy Supercorp Sunday! 
> 
> See you next time!


	3. Chapter 3

Seeing as how Kara could barely stand on her feet anymore, they decided – Kara begrudgingly – to continue the process the next day. It was impervious that they all get some sleep before handling such a delicate thing as the mind.

Lena turned the red lights off, and Kara instantly felt a large weight lift from her body. She almost started floating just from freedom the absence of those lights gave her.

Alex had promised her a ride home on her bike, while the others had taken an Uber. Kara knew she didn’t actually need to help being transported anywhere now that she had her powers back, but she had a feeling that Alex might just need to feel strong and helpful for a bit.

So when Alex suggested they take her bike, Kara had just smiled and nodded.

When Kara left to bring the bike around to where they were, Kara noticed that there was one other person left in the room.

Lena was still in her labcoat, typing away at her iPad with a frown on her face.

“You’re not leaving?” Kara asked.

Lena looked up startled, almost dropping her tablet in the process.

“No,” she said softly, after seeing who it was, “I’m going to work through the material we got today, a bit more. I want to see how much we can use.”

Kara nodded. She could hear Alex’ bike approaching. It was only a minute out, tops.

“Don’t work yourself too hard,” Kara said, the familiarity of the phrase making her smile.

Lena smiled back. “I wouldn’t dare. It seems to me I’m going to have a superhero on my ass if I even think about disregarding my health.”

“Darn right you will,” Kara said seriously, and Lena laughed softly.

“I promise I’ll go home in time,” Lena said, her eyes twinkling. “I’ll need my sleep if I can deal with all of you in my lab again.”

Kara laughed. “I’m sorry. I know this is kind of your sanctimony.”

Lena sighed dramatically. “Yes, but I guess if we have to save the world I’ll have to budge some inches and maybe allow you all back here.”

Kara laughed, and turned her head when she heard Alex’ bike come to a halt right in front of the building.

“Alex is waiting outside,” Kara mumbled almost regretfully. “She’s taking me home.”

Lena smiled. “Good. I’m glad. Tell her she has to make you a hot chocolate when you get home from me.”

Kara smiled. “That sounds like an excellent idea.”

Lena smiled softly and said: “Good night Kara. See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, Lena.”

And Kara left.

* * *

Alex’ bike came to a stop in front of Kara’s apartment building. Kara carefully stepped off, while Alex slipped off her helmet.

Alex stayed seated while Kara gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, and walked to the door.

“You sure you’re gonna be alright tonight?” Alex called out after her.

Kara turned around and saw the worry lines around Alex’ eyes and on her forehead.

“I’ll be alright,” Kara said, adjusting the strap of her bag. “Just going to read a bit and then go to bed. Maybe make myself some hot chocolate. Didn’t you say you and Kelly had plans?” she changed the subject.

Alex’ frown didn’t go away.

“I can stay.”

Kara waved her words away.

“I’ll be fine, Alex. We’re not children anymore. You don’t have to comfort me every time something goes bad in my life.”

“Yeah, but this isn’t just something bad in your life,” Alex argued. “This is you reliving trauma. This is you – you know what?”

She moved to step away from her bike.

“This is ridiculous; I’ll just cancel with Kelly, she’ll understand. You clearly need me to – ”

“Alex,” Kara admonished. “No. Don’t cancel your plans with Kelly! That girl loves you. She doesn’t deserve to feel neglected.”

Alex rolled her eyes, but her cheeks blushed at the scolding.

“Just,” Kara continued softer, “just go to her. She’s waiting for you. I’ll text you if I need anything, okay?” she promised. “You deserve to have a night off from all the Kara-sitting.”

Alex looked conflicted.

Kara kind of understood why.

Alex had always been raised with the set ideals of loving and protecting those we love. And when Kara had joined the family, Alex had been instilled with the task to always, _always_ look after her sister. That included when her boyfriend would dump her, or when her boyfriend’s homicidal mother tried to take over her home, or when Miss Grant had been particularly awful, but also when she’d fly into buildings on live TV and feel absolutely awful.

Or when she’d had nightmares about Krypton. When she missed Astra, or her father. Or her mother.

Alex was always there.

But Alex had her own life. Her own desires. She deserved to be with someone who loved her, and who would take care of her for a change.

So Kara made the decision for Alex.

She opened the door of her apartment building, waved, and entered, effectively locking Alex out of her apartment. She waited a few seconds to make sure Alex actually left, and wouldn’t just decide to creep back in with her spare key. But eventually, she heard the motor of Alex’ bike turn back on, and then her sister sped away towards the woman she loved.

Kara smiled briefly, before tiredly making her way upstairs.

Even though she’d gotten her powers back almost instantly after the red lights had turned off, the powerlessness had taken a toll on her. Her limbs felt heavy, and she was just exhausted.

When she entered her apartment, she didn’t even bother turning on any lights. She dropped the coat she’d gotten from Alex on the floor, and mindlessly made her way into the kitchen. Kara heated up an old lasagna she found in her fridge and ate it all in one go, shoveling the food in almost absentmindedly.

Kara didn’t have a single thought, as she robotically moved through her apartment. She brushed her teeth, combed her hair, and just generally went about her business.

Only when it was time to put on some PJ’s, she stilled.

She looked down to see she was still wearing the hospital gown Lena had given her, as well as some D.E.O. sweatpants, courtesy of Alex. But what really boggled her, was the sweater.

The dark blue, incredibly soft sweater. Lena’s sweater.

Kara slowly pulled it over her head, but the scent temporarily dizzied her, and she paused.

The perfume was so rich, so comforting, so Lena, that Kara almost didn’t want to take it off altogether, and just go to sleep in that very same sweater, basking in its scent.

Kara sighed, and just took it off.

It was probably too expensive and too fancy to wear to bed anyway.

Kara didn’t bother to pick up any of her clothing, instead letting them fall to the ground for future Kara to pick up. She didn’t pick up any of the items, except for the sweater, which she folded neatly, and put on top of a mountain of clothes she still had to wash.

Trying to bring down a megalomaniac, homicidal fascist was really messing with her laundry schedule.

Kara sighed and put on some tiny pink shorts and an L-Corp T-shirt Lena had once given her as a joke. While the laughter had long faded, and Lena’s joke of Kara being part of L-Corp had aged badly, Kara still loved the T-shirt. More specifically, she loved how happy and cute Lena had looked after Kara had put on the T-shirt.

Kara crawled in her bed, and took her laptop out of her nightstand almost instinctively. Only when she’d opened it and logged in did she realize there was no work waiting for her. No article waiting to be written or edited. No emails to be sent.

Lex had already talked to Andrea about Kara stepping down.

She was unofficially fired. She just had to send the letter to actually get officially fired.

Kara sighed, and put the laptop down.

She stared at the book beside her bed – Girl, woman other, which Kelly had gifted her – but felt absolutely no desire to actually pick it up. She didn’t want to read. Or watch a movie. Or do anything.

Kara sighed, and flopped on her bed.

The clock read 12:07 am. She still had to wait at least twenty hours before she would restart the ‘Expose Lex Plan’ they had. Twenty long hours, filled with nothing but fighting crime, and hovering over the city.

Kara sighed and shut her eyes. At least she got to sleep in.

One hour later, Kara was still wide awake.

She’d tried, she really had, to just shut her eyes and go to sleep, but every time she did, her brain just wouldn’t leave her alone. The events of the day finally caught up with her, and regardless of what she did – counting known planets and constellations, imagining a peaceful place to sleep and whatnot – she couldn’t shake the things she’d relived that evening.

Memories of a burning planet, her cousin’s defeated expression, Eliza’s palpable sadness, but most of all, her father’s face.

It had been so long since she’d seen him, really seen him. There were no pictures of him left. They’d all burnt up in Krypton’s destruction. His face existed only in memories, but today – today, thanks to J’onn and Kelly, she’d seen his face again, as if he were right there, next to her. She could hear his voice. She could see plainly, the color of his eyes, so remarkably similar to her own.

She could remember how he held her like she was the most precious cargo in the world. She remembered how hard he’d tried to save her.

Kara had been so excruciatingly mad at him after she’d found out about Myriad; because how deceitful her father had been, and how wrong had she been to trust so blindly in a man who couldn’t overcome his own fears and wanted to create a weapon that could deliver a fate worse than death on anyone who would oppose him?

But seeing his face again. His eyes. The desperation to get his daughter somewhere safe…

Kara couldn’t bear it.

She couldn’t reconcile the man she’d known as her loving father, the image she had of a cruel scientist, prepared to do the worst things imaginable to his enemies, and then the image of a man, just a man, who stopped at nothing to save his daughter.

Kara tossed and turned, but she couldn’t squirm away from the memories and the pain seeing her father had brought up.

Her dad.

Kara turned in her bed, and brought the covers up to her eyes. She squeezed her eyes shut and breathed in deeply, trying to hold her breath so tight and so long, that the tears she felt building up inside her couldn’t come out.

It was of no use to panic. Absolutely no use.

Once again, Kara tried to divert her attention elsewhere.

Alex’ heartbeat had always served as a great help to calm her down. The rhythmical thumping of the usually close-by sound had comforted her time and time again. It helped keep her grounded. It made her feel safe. Like there were some things in the world she could just count on.

Kara focused her ears, and listened for the heartbeat she could distinguish out of thousands – millions, even. She heard thousands and thousands of thumping heartbeats. Slow ones, fast ones, arrhythmic ones, human ones, alien ones.

And then suddenly, there it was.

Like a light that lit up in a sea of darkness, Alex’ heartbeat stood out in the city, that all at once fell silent. As if suddenly all the heartbeats in the city had gone quiet, letting Alex’ take front and center.

Alex’ heartbeat was slow, content, sleepy. Kara knew it well enough to be able to distinguish all of Alex’ moods, just based off the sound of her heart. She heard a second heartbeat though, strong and steady, in close proximity to Alex’.

Kelly, resting beside Alex.

Once Kara figured out that Alex wasn’t alone, she immediately tuned out. She felt like she was invading, listening in on such an intimate moment. She didn’t know if they were cuddling, or talking, or just on the edge of falling asleep, and she didn’t want to know. It wasn’t up to her to know.

Once Kara had averted her attention, she felt the loneliness return at full force. She blinked away her tears and swallowed hard.

Why was this so difficult? Why was she having such a hard time shaking off the things she’d seen? It was ridiculous. It was childish, and very un-hero like, and totally unbecoming, let alone –

A ping interrupted her spiraling.

A shaking hand left the confines of her warm covers and picked up her phone. The brightly lit screen had her blink a few times before she could actually read the name of the person who had texted her, and when she did, she could barely believe it.

_Lena Luthor._

Hesitantly, Kara unlocked the screen and clicked on the message.

Hey, just wanted to check in. Hope you’re alright.  
Lena

Kara typed various variations of, “yeah I’m fine,” in the minutes following Lena’s text, but erased them every time.

Somehow, the idea of lying to Lena seemed terrible. Lena was her friend, and she had already been so mad at Kara for everything, Kara didn’t want to feel untrustworthy again.

Kara took a deep breath and typed:

Hi Lena. Having some trouble sleeping. You?  
x- K

She hesitated for just a second before hitting send and dropping down on her pillows.

She hadn’t lain down for more than two seconds before her phone lit up with a picture of Lena and Kara, broad grins on their faces, and chocolate icecream around their mouths.

_Lena was calling her._

Kara shot up in her bed and stared at the phone in horror. With a thundering heartbeat and a trembling hand, she unlocked the phone and answered.

“Hello?” she asked hesitantly.

Maybe Lena had pocket-dialled her. That must have been it. Maybe she accidentally pressed the call button. Maybe –

_“Kara?”_

Lena’s soft voice pierced the dark quiet of Kara’s bedroom.

“Lena,” Kara replied a little breathlessly. “Hi.”

 _“Hi,”_ Lena whispered, and Kara could almost see the soft smile playing around her lips. She could feel the smile in that one tiny word.

“You’re still up,” Kara whispered dumbly.

“ _Yes,”_ Lena said _, “so are you.”_

Kara brought a hand to her shoulder and tried to rub the cold air away.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she murmured.

Lena sighed. “ _I figured that could happen_.”

Kara didn’t reply.

 _“How are you feeling?”_ Lena asked softly.

The habitual answer of ‘good,’ and ‘fine,’ and ‘don’t worry about me,’ were on the tip of Kara’s tongue. But something about the softness, and the concern in Lena’s voice made Kara’s insides crumble.

Tears shot in her eyes, and she exhaled a shaky breath, trying to keep them there.

“Not so good,” Kara whispered, and a crack in her voice made all her resolves crack as well.

“M’not so good,” she said tearfully, wiping her tears away with the palm of her hand.

“ _Oh honey_ ,” Lena whispered, and Kara couldn’t contain her crying then. “ _Oh sweetie_.”

Kara started crying earnestly, tears falling from her eyes much faster than she wanted them to. She barely managed to wipe them away, when fresh ones rolled down her cheeks.

“I’m – I’m sorry,” Kara hiccupped. “I don’t know why – why I’m crying. I’m s-sorry. This didn’t happen – ”

“ _No darling, don’t apologize. Don’t you ever apologize for that. Oh darling_.”

Kara could hear some despair in Lena’s voice. Helplessness.

“ _I wish I could help you right now. I’m sorry this is happening_.”

“I-it’s f-fine,” Kara stuttered through her crying, equal parts embarrassed, and depressed.

It was the crying she’d almost been expecting all night, yet it still hit her harder than she’d thought possible. And at the worst possible time.

It was not the kind of graceful crying, where singular tears rolled elegantly over one cheek, barely marking the face in the process, no. This was the kind of painful ugly crying, that left you with a sore throat and blotchy cheeks. Kara hated that it had to happen over the phone with Lena of all people.

Kara didn’t want Lena to hear her like this.

 _“Is Kelly there with you?”_ Lena urged _. “Or Alex?”_

“No-no,” Kara remembered, “t-there at home.”

“ _Wha_ t?” Lena’s voice turned icy. _“They thought it was a good idea to leave you by yourself after the evening you’ve had? After what you’ve_ seen?”

A painful tug at Kara’s heart reminded her, and for a split second, the burning skies and scorching hot earth of Krypton filled Kara’s room. She quickly shook the memories away, trying to focus on Lena’s voice.

“It’s not their fault,” she reasoned. “I- I asked them to go home. They haven’t be-been able to spend a lot of time together l-lately.”

“ _Kara_ ,” Lena whispered softly, and Kara could hear from the disappointing tone that Lena wanted to admonish Kara for her bad decisions. But Kara also knew Lena couldn’t get angry with her when she was in a state like this.

“ _They should’ve known better_ ,” Lena finally said, focusing her anger and frustration elsewhere, without hurting Kara. _“They should never have left you alone.”_

Kara didn’t know what to say, so she bit her tongue. Her body shook with her cries, and while she could more or less contain the loud sounds of her crying, she knew Lena could still hear the strangled sound of the sobs bubbling up inside of her, trying to make their way passed her lips.

Kara knew it must’ve been killing her friend not to be able do anything about it.

All Lena could do was make some comforting sounds, and whisper that things were going to be okay. That Kara was going to be alright. That it would all be over soon. Things would be okay. That Lena would make sure she was alright. That Kara was going to be okay. Things would look up soon, Kara would see.

Lena couldn’t do anything more than call. She couldn’t come over. Lex would find out. Kara was under no delusions, and would be surprised if her apartment wasn’t being spied on right this second. In all honestly, she wasn’t sure Lex wasn’t tapping her phone either. But she could convince herself he wasn’t, so she could hang on to Lena’s voice for just a bit longer.

And it helped. All of it did. Lena’s nurturing, kind voice, made Kara feel calmer and more peaceful than she had in weeks.

 _“Do you want to talk about it?”_ Lena asked softly, after Kara’s sobs had subsided a bit. _“You don’t have to,”_ she added, _“but I can listen, if you want me to. I want to listen.”_

Kara shook her head before she realized she did. And Lena was offering to listen. Lena wasn’t backing away, not even after she’d seen the horrors Kara had seen.

A burning mess of a world, a –

“I miss my dad,” she whispered brokenly. “I just miss him so much. And I feel so guilty that I’ve got my mom, and I was so happy to find her again that I forgot to mourn him.”

With each new word, Kara realized the truth of her words.

“I love him so much. And I miss him, God – ”

Kara let out a strangled cry.

“I miss him. I miss my dad.”

 _“Oh honey,”_ Lena said, _“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”_

“He’s my dad,” Kara cried softly, “and I forgot about him.”

 _“No,”_ Lena interrupted, _“no, no sweetie you did not.”_

“Yes I did,” Kara shook her head. “I was always supposed to be like him. A scientist. Someone smart and strong, and I failed him. I forgot about everything he taught me, and now – ”

Kara swallowed her tears.

“Now I can’t even tell him how sorry I am I forgot about him.”

 _“Darling listen to me,”_ Lena urged. _“You did nothing of the sort. Your father raised you to be a smart, strong, empathetic young woman, and there you are.”_

Lena tinkling, disbelieving laugh momentarily halted Kara’s tears from falling. It was such a beautiful sound.

 _“You’re not a scientist… so what?”_ Lena said. _“He didn’t_ just _raise a scientist. He raised someone who wanted to help others. Someone who does all she can to improve lives across the city. And you do that, every day. Not just as Supergirl. As Kara Danvers. Star reporter. Stellar friend. All-around amazing person.”_

Kara covered her mouth with her hand, blinking away her tears.

_“You do so much for other people every day, and you never stop to ponder who actually deserves your help. You give your help, your attention – your love – so freely, and so openly, to anyone who asks for it. You make this world a better place by saving a hell of a lot of people. Whether they're people you save as Supergirl, or the people you touch with your stories, you’ve always had people’s best interests at heart. You’ve always looked to make the world a better place. It seems to me you couldn’t have honored your father’s legacy better than you have just by being you.”_

Kara felt tears escape her eyes, but this time, it wasn’t due to her memories of a fiery planet. It wasn’t because she couldn’t deal with the image of her father the dad, and her father the cold and calculated scientist. It wasn’t because the hurt and the missing almost felt like they’d made a physical hole in her body preventing her from breathing properly.

It was because Lena had somehow managed to turn something terrible, something hurtful, painful and cutting into something beautiful.

_“You’re a hero, Kara. In every sense of the word.”_

“Thank you, Lena,” Kara managed to choke out. “I – thank you.”

_“It’s okay.”_

Lena sensed Kara’s inability to speak.

 _“It’s okay. You’re okay,” she whispered. “You’re okay_.”

And Kara slowly managed to believe it.

_“Say it with me,” Lena demanded softly._

_“_ I’m going to be okay,” Kara whispered.

 _“Good,”_ Lena praised. “ _Again.”_

“I’m going to be okay,” Kara repeated.

_“Again.”_

“I’m going to be okay,” Kara said softly, and a sudden calm fell over her.

A relaxed, tired weight, that came with the realization that Lena was right. Of course she was. How could she not be? It was Lena. And Lena was almost always right. So she was going to be okay.

“I’m going to be okay.”

 _“You are,”_ Lena said. _“You’re going to be just fine.”_

“I am,” Kara muttered tiredly. “I’m going to be okay.”

Lena waited for a while, while Kara’s body suddenly seemed to realize just how exhausting her day had been. The red sunlight had taken a toll on her. Not to mention the emotional toll reliving all those memories had. Kara could just feel the tiredness creep into her bones, and sneak into her muscles, all the way to her eyes.

She slowly wiped away the dried up tears and tearstains, staring at the dark wall ahead of her.

“Lena?” Kara asked sleepily.

 _“Yes Kara?”_ Lena responded, her voice soft, yet still very alert. Like the only thing she was doing was concentrate on Kara. Like Kara was the only thing on her mind, and she wouldn’t dare do anything else – not eat, not tap on her laptop, not watch TV – while she was on the phone with her. Like she wouldn’t allow herself to be distracted from her conversation with Kara.

“Thank you.”

 _“You’re very welcome,”_ Lena husked.

“M’tired,” Kara admitted.

Lena laughed softly, and it by magic, it lifted the corners of Kara’s mouth up into a tired smile.

_“Yes, I can hear that, darling. Do you want me to put down the phone so you can sleep?”_

“No!” Kara called out, a lot louder and a lot more panicked that she’d wanted it to come out.

When silence fell over the line, an embarrassed Kara quickly tried to cover up her slip-up with red cheeks.

“I – I just… would you, ehm – ”

There was no way to put it that wouldn’t be humiliating. There was no way to save face. But honestly, Kara was tired. So very tired. She would already regret how this conversation had gone in the morning – she’d barely be able to face Lena in the lab tomorrow, that was for sure – so why couldn’t she add on to that. Lena had already heard her sob and cry. She already knew how needy Kara was. So what was the harm in admitting that.

“I’m scared to go to sleep,” Kara admitted, a little flustered. “I’m scared that when I close my eyes –”

She faltered. But Lena seemed to understand.

 _“Then you’ll see your memories again,”_ Lena finished softly for her.

Kara nodded. And while Lena couldn’t see it over the phone, Kara was sure she got it.

“M’sorry,” Kara whispered.

 _“Now what did I say about that?”_ Lena admonished her. “ _No apologizing for feeling things. I’d rather you talk to me openly and honestly about this than that I have to go to bed knowing you lied about how you felt, and that you didn’t give me the option to help you.”_

“Oh,” Kara whispered.

“ _Alright,”_ Lena said, _“I think I’ve got it. Lie down,”_ she instructed.

Not one to go against Lena Luthor, Kara obediently lay down on her cold pillows.

_“Are you comfortable?”_

“Yes,” Kara whispered, and she could feel her eyes drift close.

It was getting harder to keep them open. Sleep tugged her eyelids down, and it was a battle Kara knew she’d lose.

She pulled her covers over her body, so that only her head and the hand holding her phone were uncovered.

_“Can you still hear me?”_

“Uhu,” Kara mumbled.

_“Good. Very good. Now just relax. Can you do that for me?”_

“Yes,” Kara whispered, giving in to the tiredness and letting her eyes fall shut without attempting to keep them open.

_“Good. Just breathe with me, okay? Just breathe.”_

Kara did. She took deep heavy breaths, in sync with Lena’s.

“M’doing it,” she muttered, and it took a big effort to get her vocal chords to jump into action.

_“That’s really good, Kara. But you don’t have to talk now if you don’t want. In fact, all you really have to do is listen. Okay? Is that okay for you?”_

“Uhu,” Kara mumbled again.

In that moment, she was intensely grateful to the world for giving her Lena Luthor. If this planet could pat itself on the back for anything, it would be for having created a specimen so amazing, so wonderful, and so calming; earth barely deserved her.

_“Good, Kara. I’m so proud of you. You’re a good listener. I’ll stay on the line with you, okay? You don’t have to worry. I won’t leave.”_

Kara was almost unconscious at that point, but somehow a tiny remnant of fear remained in her body. Almost as if her half-asleep mind was trying to reassure itself, Kara’s mouth mumbled something she wasn’t even prepared to utter.

“Promise?” she whispered.

 _“I promise,”_ Lena promised. _“I won’t leave you alone, Kara. I’m right here,”_ she whispered. “ _I’m right here.”_

And somewhere between the promises and the ‘right here’s,’ Kara drifted off to sleep.

When she woke up the following morning, her phone was almost out of battery, and she saw that their conversation had lasted almost an hour and a half.

Lena had kept her promise.

She had stayed on the phone with her until she’d made sure that Kara was deep asleep and wouldn’t wake up.

Kara didn’t know how to deal with the storm of emotions those numbers on her phone brought out in her, so she simply smiled, but her phone in the charger, and got ready for her day.

* * *

Just when Kara thought she’d started her day out well, and nothing could bring her down, floating in the air on a beautiful crisp autumn day, a beep on her D.E.O. manufactured phone alerted her that she was needed in Lex Luthor’s office.

Her stomach sank.

_Did he know?_

_Did he know about the plan?_

No, Kara rationalized. No, he couldn’t. They’d all been careful last night, so it would have been insane for him to have noticed her slipping in and out of Lena’s lab.

Besides, he called her in about three times a day. There was always something he needed her for. It was exhausting.

Kara tucked the phone away in a hidden compartment in her boot and took off.

Not three seconds later, she landed on the all too familiar Luthor Corp balcony.

“You called?” Kara said, walking into the office.

“Supergirl!” Lex called out. “Yes, I did! Come in.”

Kara had to suppress a full body shiver at Lex’ jovial tone.

She still hadn’t gotten used to his fake persona. How he could walk around the city, and how people would wave at him, and take selfies with him. Sometimes it took everything in Kara not to scream out that they were all insane, and that they should run far, far away.

They’d think she was crazy instead.

“What can I help you with, Mister Luthor?” Kara asked.

She spotted Lena sitting on the white couch. Tense, with rigged shoulders, and white knuckles that held her iPad so tight, Kara feared it could break. Her face betrayed none of those feelings, however. She looked passive, almost… bored.

Kara did her best not to look at her. If she did, Lex might notice, and then all bets were off.

“Yes, I’ve got a couple of questions for you,” Lex said, sitting down at his desk.

“Concerning?” Kara asked tersely.

“Well, as a respected businessman, I keep clean books. You understand the importance of transparent businesses, don’t you Kara?” he asked, tilting his head.

Kara clenched her jaw. She knew he only used her name to show her he knew. To show her he had all the power needed to destroy her.

“Of course. I do, yes."

"Good," Lex smiled, "good. Because since I took over the D.E.O. – "

He leaned back in his chair and folded his hands on his lap.

“ – I’ve been going over all the numbers, and I've got to tell you, they are really in need of a good account over there. Man," he laughed.

"I shouldn't be surprised. Monster hunters and numbers? No, those don't go well together. And I'm sure as a secret government agency they were given some leeway, but here at LuthorCorp, we do things differently."

He almost looked like he believed what he was saying.

"We want the people to trust us. To have faith in us, and to value us. That's only possible if we can show them we're not hiding anything.”

Rao, the irony.

"I see," Kara said slowly, carefully. "But I'm not sure how I can help. I have no experience with accounting, nor did I take that class in college, so-"

"Oh, I'm not here to hire you as an' accountant," Lex said with widened eyes. "Oh no, not at all. Besides," he added, "I've taken the liberty to go over all of your report cards, high school and otherwise, so I know for a fact that I shouldn't put you in charge of anything business related."

He laughed, and the sound was warm, but a chill ran down Kara’s spine. He'd gotten access to all her information. That was what he was really saying. and that's what she heard.

"No, you're here, because as a good businessman, I wanted to personally take a look at all the inventory I own, and assure that it has been assessed and valued, so I can properly put it all in numbers, you see?"

A beat of silence fell over the room, in which the cogs in Kara's mind turned at full speed.

"Your – your inventory?" She finally managed to ask.

He couldn't be saying... He wouldn't actually -

"Yes." Lex said, looking the part of an open and fair businessman. "You're a big part of the D.E.O. You're very important to us! I want to assure that your value is appreciated, both in the D.E.O. and my buildings, as well as on paper."

When he saw the recognition turn into heated anger, a smirk finally appeared on his face. His facade melted away and revealed just how happy he was baiting her.

“You’re saying… you’re putting me down on your tax records?”

“I’m putting you down as one of my assets. An asset that needs to be insured.”

He looked at her with faux pity.

“If anything were to happen to you, your value should be returned to me and the D.E.O. by means of a compensation. Insurance is everything.”

“So you’re determining my value now? Is that it? Is that what you want?” Kara gritted.

“Why yes,” Lex said innocently. “I just want to ensure that things are all A-okay in our books if something were to happen to you. So – ”

He opened a large book full of tiny numbers and pages.

He saw her confusion and grinned.

“I’m old school. I just hate how artificial it is to just type some numbers into a computer. You get it right?”

Kara closed her eyes shortly, forcing herself to calm down and not to punch the man in front of her.

“So,” he started again, pen in hand, “to assess your value, we should now how long you’re going to remain in optimal shape.”

“Optimal shape?”

“How long do you think you’ll live for?”

A mix between a scoff and a disbelieving strangled sound left Kara’s mouth.

“Excuse me?”

“Well not to be insensitive,” Lex said, “but you’re a superhero. Superheroes don’t really tend to walk around that long. Just look at Oliver Queen.”

Kara had to clench her eyes shut at the mention of her dead friend.

“Insurance only means so much, Miss Danvers. Let’s say you’ve got another good five years ahead of you. If you die before that, the D.E.O. and myself have a claim to some insurance money. If you don’t, well that’ll be too bad for us.”

“Too bad I didn’t die?” Kara asked sarcastically.

“Well I guess it depends on the context,” Lex added, sounding bored.

“So, if we say you’ve already incurred some damage,” he scribbled something down on his pad of paper, “let’s see, we’ve got the Reign thing, that couldn’t have been good. Then the copious amounts of fights.”

He made a disappointing click with his tongue.

“I’m not optimistic we’re going to get a good deal. So again, can you tell me an estimate?”

“I don’t know,” Kara gritted through her teeth. “You’d have to ask my physician.”

“That would be the other Miss Danvers, correct?”

Kara scoffed, unable to continue the charade.

“You know very well it is.”

Lex looked up.

“Careful Supergirl,” he warned, “that almost sounded like sass, and that is not something I appreciate in my employees.”

Kara bit her tongue and looked away.

“I’ll need you to get me a list of all your injuries over the years, so I can correctly assess the duration of your value,” he said matter-of-factly. “Please include your pre-earth injuries as well.”

Kara frowned.

Lex raised his head to look at her.

“Am I well understood, Supergirl?”

Kara blew the air out of her nose.

“Yes, Mister Luthor.”

“Great,” he scribbled something down. “Please leave through the door. I want to crick up morale around here a little bit. A superhero cheerleader just might do the trick. Off you go now,” he dismissed her.

Kara turned on her heel and moved to walk out the door.

“Oh Supergirl.”

Kara stopped in her tracks but didn’t turn around.

“I’ll be expecting your CatCo resignation letter any day now, right?”

Kara ground her teeth.

“Right.”

“Excellent. That’ll be all for today.”

Kara walked away, but when she shook her head over her shoulder and her head turned, her eyes connected with Lena’s for just a small second.

Lena didn’t look bored anymore. She looked… scared. Kara wished she could stay and reassure her that everything was fine, but just them looking at each other in Lex’ presence was dangerous. So Kara had to settle for shooting her a tiny smile, before walking out the door.

Lex’ employees gaped at her like she was a dancing monkey in the zoo during the entire full four minutes it took her to get down to the entrance of the building.

Rao, she hated that guy.

But every look she got, all the whispering she heard on top of Lex’ words resounding in her head just fueled her anger, and her determination to go down fighting.

She was almost looking forward to the mental torture tonight if it meant nailing Lex Luthor and exposing his crimes to all of National City.

Kara shot into the sky with a grim smile.

Only a couple more hours to go.

* * *

When Kara came into the lab again that night, she came prepared. Dressed in a comfy T-shirt and some grey yoga pants, Kara greeted her sister and the others.

“Hey,” Alex asked, after breaking off their hug, “you okay? Still ready to do this?”

Kara appreciated how supportive Alex was trying to be, but she could still detect the hopeful tone, that almost begged Kara to reconsider.

She didn’t mention it.

“Yep,” she smiled, “all good! Ready to bring down Lex.”

Alex nodded and Kara saw the doubt in her sister’s eyes.

Not giving Alex an opportunity to back out, Kara said: “I’m gonna let Lena poke me with a needle now.”

Alex wrapped her arms around herself and nodded.

“Yeah, sure. Great,” she muttered, cracking a slightly unbelievable smile. “I’ll wait here.”

Kara nodded, and went through the door that led to the actual experiment lab. Lena was already there, white labcoat on, hair up in a ponytail, her fingers dancing over her iPad. She looked deep in thought, a frown adorning her features, and she didn’t even notice Kara walk in.

Kara swallowed once, before mustering up the courage to greet Lena.

“Hey Lena,” Kara said.

Lena all but jumped in the air, turning around to face her.

“God, Kara,” Lena said, clutching her chest, “you scared the crap out of me.”

Kara smiled.

Lena usually spoke with her Irish lilt in her voice, having never fully mastered the American accent. But sometimes, every so often, when you’d least expect it, one American expression or other came out of her mouth, never failing to make Kara laugh or smile.

“Sorry,” she smiled bashfully, “not my intention.”

Lena waved her apology away.

“Not a problem. I can get a bit caught up in my research here,” she admitted.

“A little?” Kara teased.

Lena threw her a look.

Kara laughed quietly and went to sit on the chair.

“I’m probably going to be a little while longer,” Lena said apologetically. “I’d like to adjust some parameters tonight, to make it a bit more comfortable for you. I’ve still got to work out some tiny details. Can you wait?”

“Sure. That’s fine.”

Lena smiled gratefully before going back to work.

Kara fiddled with her fingers for a bit. She couldn’t really do anything. Nothing but think, and she really didn’t like that with the day she’d had.

Which reminded her.

She sighed.

She hated Lex. She hated him with all her heart. But if they were to continue their work without Lex suspecting anything, he would have to stay unaware of any possible stirrings amongst his ‘employees.’

He needed to believe that Kara was still hopelessly caught under his thumb. No way to escape, and no possible reason to refuse his simple wishes.

So Kara begrudgingly started mentally listing her injuries over the years.

When she was ten, she’d caught the Argo fever, which at its time was one of the deadliest diseases Krypton had ever known. Her father was working day and night, putting people protective hubs, modifying serums and DNA sequences to find a cure that would eventually save everyone.

Kara herself had pulled through though, obviously, even if it had been a close call. But Kara doubted Lex would be interested in an already eradicated childhood disease.

The actual injuries she thought Lex would want to hear about happened right here on earth.

Listing all the kicks and punches she’d taken over the years would be an impossible task. And, anyway, there were only so many that actually stuck with her.

Red tornado, maybe? That was an important one. That one left her powerless for an insufferingly long time. Even if it was only a couple of days. There were the kryptonite injuries; the Overgirl punches…

Oh.

And Reign.

And Red daughter.

Her fingers stilled in her lap. Apparently, they’d made sounds before, because Lena noticed them stop, and turned to look over her shoulder.

“Everything okay there?” she checked.

Kara swallowed and shook her head.

“All fine,” she assured, grateful that her voice hadn’t taken on her usual squeakiness that always managed to give her lies away. Her voice didn’t even tremble.

“Okay,” Lena said, already bowed over her work again. “Just checking. I’m almost done here.”

“Great,” Kara all but whispered.

She shakily went to lie down on the chair and forced herself to relax.

She could feel her heart beating a mile a minute, but she also knew that the second Lena would hook the monitors up to her chest, she would find out. So Kara tried her best to think about something else. Something calm, something peaceful.

Like Lena’s phone call last night. That had calmed her down. Though, when she snuck a glance over at Lena, working meticulously on the Rojas Corp technology they needed to pry in her brain, Kara felt anything but calm.

Kara felt slightly torn between desperately wanting to talk to Lena, and praying she wouldn’t notice her, so Kara could look at her from afar for just a bit longer.

Kara just didn’t understand.

She wanted to talk to Lena again. Ask her about her day, and wonder if she preferred Chinese food or Thai food for dinner that night. She wanted to know if Lena wanted to binge Friends that night, or if she preferred to read a book on Kara’s couch while Kara folded her laundry.

But it didn’t seem like a possibility.

Somehow, they’d gone from friends who shared everything except for the most important, top-secret information, to enemies, to colleagues(?) who only shared that sort of particular information.

Lena had called her and stayed on the line with her. It wasn’t a conversation that lent itself to idle chit-chat. It was a lifeline that kept Kara afloat.

So maybe that was all they could ever do now. Maybe they were only able to communicate in times of crisis.

Somehow, that thought made Kara feel even smaller.

“Okay,” Lena said, standing up. “I think I’ve got it. I’m going to tell Kelly.”

She turned to Kara with a half-smile, which Kara tentatively answered with her own smile.

“You sure you’re feeling okay?” Lena asked, looking at Kara with genuine concern.

“Fine,” Kara croaked. “Completely fine.”

Lena nodded suspiciously. “Okay then. Be back in a bit.”

* * *

Kara didn’t think it would ever not feel strange.

The powerlessness was one thing, but somehow, even if she knew exactly what was going to happen, Kara still felt nervous when Lena did the final check and confirmed they were ready to go.

Kara turned to Alex, who was sitting next to her, softly stroking her hand.

“Lexie?” Kara asked, and Alex turned to her with eyes full of love and concern.

Of course she did. She knew Kara only called her that when she felt really scared.

“Yes?”

“Promise you won’t go?” Kara asked, nervously squeezing Alex’ fingers, which for once, she could do without instilling any damage. “Even if things get scary.”

Alex smiled. It was a soft, mom smile. A reassuring smile. One that Kara thought made her look so much like Eliza, it was uncanny.

“I promise,” Alex said, and leaned in to kiss Kara’s forehead. “I don’t care what happens. I’m staying right here.”

“I think we’re about ready to go,” Kelly said, standing on Kara’s other side. “All systems are up. J’onn, how about you?”

“I’m ready,” he confirmed.

Kara couldn’t see him, but she heard him from behind her, and that was enough to reassure her.

“Okay,” Kelly said. “Then we’re a go.”

Kara swallowed nervously.

“Guess that’s my cue,” Lena said, before hopping off her chair and walking to the back of the room.

“Wait!” Kara called out.

She didn’t know why she’d done that. Not good, not good!

Lena turned her head and looked at her questioningly. Kara felt everybody’s eyes on her.

Kara blinked slightly helplessly at Lena, almost trapped in the chair.

She couldn’t answer any questions. If Alex asked, Kara honestly wouldn’t be able to say why she’d called Lena’s name.

But a sudden understanding dawned in Lena’s eyes. She took a quick few steps towards Kara and picked up her unoccupied hand.

“I’m right on the other side of that door,” Lena said. “Can you see it?”

Kara looked behind Lena, and saw the glass wall she very well knew was there.

She nodded.

“Okay,” Lena smiled. “Good. I’m going to be right there throughout it all. I’m not going to leave, you hear me?”

“You’re not going to leave,” Kara whispered, suddenly uncaring that anyone else was in the room. She needed to know Lena would be there, and she was too scared to care that anyone else knew she did.

“I’m not going to leave,” Lena confirmed. “And you’re going to be okay. Remember?”

Lena’s eyes gleamed, and Kara almost lit up at the acknowledgement of the previous night. Lena cared. Lena knew. Lena wasn’t going to leave.

So Kara smiled the tiniest smile she could muster up.

“I’m going to be okay,” she answered, and Lena smiled broadly.

“I will see you in a minute,” Lena whispered.

“See you in a minute.”

Then Lena left, and went through the door. Alex squeezed her hand, and Kelly asked her one last time if she was alright.

Then the countdown started, and Kara felt the now-familiar tugging inside her head.

“Think back to Lex Luthor. Lex Luthor, Kara. You know him. He was in your life. Can you remember?”

_“I’m sorry, Kara. But Metropolis is just too unsafe right now.”_

_“Because of Lex Luthor?”_

* * *

A fifteen-year-old Kara Danvers leaned against her bedroom wall.

It was a sweltering hot summer day, school was out, and Midvale groaned under the dry heat. Most of Kara’s classmates – and Alex – were down by the shore, where the sea breeze made the temperatures drop to a more agreeable level, and they could cool down on their surfboards, lazily floating on the calm waves.

Kara, however, was at home, impatiently waiting on her cousin’s answer. She twirled the phone cord around her fingers, and tapped irritably with the heel of her pretty, white Keds against the light green wallpaper.

“But you said you’d come,” Kara said, trying to suppress a petulant whine. “You promised.”

Her cousin sighed on the other end of the line.

_“I know I did. I know, it’s just… I’ve been so busy – ”_

“You’re always busy,” Kara countered. “And school’s only out for a couple more weeks. You promised you’d take me to Metropolis, remember? You said so yourself on your last call.”

 _“I know what I said, Kara,”_ Clark sighed. _“And I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Just believe me when I say that Metropolis is not the place for you to be right now.”_

“Because of Lex Luthor,” Kara said.

Man she’d grown to hate that guy.

Every time he was on the news, her cousin had to fly off and save the day. It happened when he was scheduled to call her – instead she got an apologetical call from some Lois, who promised her that her cousin would call back, first thing when he got back. It happened on Kara’s earth day, when he had promised to come by take her out to dinner…

Lex Luthor always had to ruin everything.

 _“Yes,”_ Clark replied, _“because of Lex Luthor.”_

Kara frustratedly blew the air out of her mouth, making some of the curly hairs on her forehead float up.

“I don’t understand,” Kara said, sliding down the wall until she was seated on the wooden floor. “Can’t you just punch him and put him in jail? Why is it taking so long?”

Clark sighed. _“It’s complicated, Kara. He won’t go down easy. He’s… powerful.”_

Kara suddenly sat up straight.

“Do you need any help?” she asked eagerly. “Because maybe, if we work together – I’ve been working on my flying, you see, so I – ”

_“No!”_

The brash interruption immediately shut Kara up.

_“I mean – no, Kara. No. And you know you’re not supposed to fly. You’re not supposed to show off your powers, you know that.”_

The disappointing tone in his voice, paired with the rude interjection made Kara feel incredibly small and insignificant. Like she was just a kid, instead of the last daughter of Krypton.

“ _You can’t fight him with me,”_ Clark concluded decisively. _“It’s too dangerous.”_

“But you just said he was powerful,” Kara said in a tiny voice, still shaken by her cousin’s sudden outburst. “If he’s powerful, don’t you need more power to get back at him?”

_“I wish it was that simple. I really do.”_

It struck Kara then, how old Clark sounded. How tired. He didn’t used to sound like that.

“Lex Luthor,” Clark started slowly, “is powerful in different ways. He knows how to… communicate with people. Make them see his side of the story.”

“But he’s a bad guy?” Kara said confused.

 _“He wasn’t always_ ,” Clark reminded her.

“Yes, but I don’t understand. If he’s a bad guy, why would people still listen to him? Why wouldn’t they help you?”

Clark sighed in the phone. _“It’s complicated, Kara. You’ll understand when you’re older.”_

Kara rolled her eyes. If she had a dime for every time someone told her that.

“But if he’s powerful in other ways, does that mean he’s – ”

She had to think about the word. Antonyms were still difficult for her to find. She just had to follow the tricks Eliza had taught her. Visualize the word and breathe it out.

“ – powerless? When it comes to physical strength?”

“ _No,”_ Clark said dejectedly. _“It does not. He has something he can use, well,” he paused. “It’s not important. He’s just making the city unsafe.”_

“So I can’t come visit you,” Kara whispered.

_“I’m so sorry, Kara.”_

“But can’t you come here? Can’t you come to Midvale?” Kara asked hopefully. “He won’t be able to find you here.”

She knew it was a long shot, but it still hurt when she heard the rejection pass his lips.

_“Someone needs to protect the city. I need to stay here.”_

Kara swallowed the pain, and listened to Alex laughing, splashing water on Vicky Donahue, a couple of miles from where Kara was sat.

 _“You don’t mind, do you? I mean, ehm_ ,” Clark tried, _“you’ll have fun, right. With your friends and Alex? You’re not – I mean… you’re okay, right?”_

Kara swallowed her selfishness to scream out that she wanted Clark to stay with her, that he was her family, and that he needed to be with her.

“Sure,” she said instead, eyes trained on her closet, willing herself not to cry. She was fifteen after all. She couldn’t cry.

“I don’t mind,” she continued mechanically. “You have to catch Lex Luthor.”

 _“I do,”_ Clark said, the relief dripping from his words. _“I really do. But you know what? The second that’s done, we’ll do something. Just the two of us. You can go to Metropolis, or I can come visit – ”_

“You already promised me that,” Kara reminded him softly. “You said that three months and seventeen days ago, when you couldn’t come to our school’s spring party. You also said that one year ago, when you couldn’t come to my middle school graduation.”

 _“Kara,”_ Clark said pained.

“It’s fine,” Kara said quickly. “Metropolis needs you. I get it. Go catch the bad guy, okay?”

_“Kar – ”_

Kara quickly put the phone down, cutting off their connection. She waited for a couple of seconds, just to see if he would try and call back.

He didn’t.

Kara remained frozen for a while, just leaning against the wall.

Then, she grabbed a pillow from the comfy reading chair, and threw it angrily across the room, against a wall.

Even if she tried to control her strength, Kara saw the wall had a slight dent in it, as the pillow slid to the floor.

Kara let out a dry sob and buried her face in her knees for a second.

Kara remembered how much she had wanted to scream. How much she had wanted to shout, and yell, and throw things, just like Alex did, but couldn’t, because then the whole house would fall apart, and she would have to explain she was throwing a tantrum for the most selfish reason ever.

“Kara?”

Kara lifted her head when she heard Eliza yell from downstairs.

“Yeah?” she yelled back.

She heard Eliza move up the stairs, and counted the seconds until she’d reach her bedroom.

Eliza knocked softly on the wooden door, and entered when she heard the tiny “come in.”

“Hey sweetheart,” Eliza said, waiting in the door opening. “How’s Clark?”

She was wearing green gardening pants and a white blouse, full of grass stains. Eliza herself had once cheekily said she didn’t mind them at all. She liked knowing that she’d done something productive in her garden. Those stains just reminded her.

“He’s not coming,” Kara informed her, looking away from her adoptive mom. “He has to protect the city from Lex Luthor.”

Her voice sounded bitter and upset. Too childish for a fifteen-year-old.

“Oh honey,” Eliza tilted her head pityingly.

“It’s fine,” Kara said, standing up.

She adjusted her short, pink shorts, and pulled her frilly white top down, so it was wrinkle free.

“He has to protect a city,” she repeated. “He said he’d call some other time and take me to Metropolis.”

“Baby,” Eliza started, “it’s okay if you’re upset – ”

“I’m not upset,” Kara snapped, cutting Eliza off harshly.

She immediately felt guilty at the sight of the slight sadness on Eliza’s face. But she couldn’t apologize. Not without crying, not yet, and she wasn’t ready for that yet.

Kara picked up her pink backpack from the floor.

“I’m going to join Alex at the beach, I think,” she informed Eliza.

“Okay,” Eliza whispered.

Kara waited, and Eliza let her pass through the door.

“Kara – ”

“I’ll be back before dinner,” Kara said, and raced down the stairs.

She almost made it to the edge of the forest when two treacherous tears started soundlessly rolling down her cheeks, and the trees before her turned into an unintelligible green blob.

She hadn’t understood then, how dangerous Lex Luthor was.

To her, up until that moment, he was just an angry face on her television. A face that scared Eliza – and used to scare Jeremiah, when he was still with them. A face that scared Kal-El so much he wouldn’t dare have her around.

Lex Luthor was nothing more than a booming voice that only seemed to impact the grown-ups around her, but was mostly just an annoyance, because he prevented Kara from seeing her cousin.

That changed only a couple months later, when Lex in his Lexosuit publicly struck down Superman, and vowed to end all alien life on earth.

The memory morphed, and Kara quickly realized that the feeling that came from jumping between memories, was not one she could get acquainted to.

It was the same memory as before, Kara realized with dread bubbling up in her gut. The same memory she’d had to relive just one night earlier.

Lex, on the television screen, fist raised high, maniacal laughter resounding through the cafeteria. The green glow on her cousin’s face, as he struggled against Lex, desperate not to leave his world behind.

No. No, no, no, no! Kara didn’t want to remember this. She fought hard against the pressure in her head. She didn’t want to see this again. She didn’t want to relive it again.

_“I killed the Kryptonian!”_

Kara remembered Lex’ words so well. They’d echoed in her head for weeks, months on end. They’d sometimes return in her nightmares, after which she couldn’t speak or breathe well for endlessly long minutes.

_“I killed the Kryptonian!”_

The words tossed around in Kara’s head. She’d heard the words again, but differently, much later in her life.

It was a promise. A promise from Lex Luthor. A promise he wanted to fulfill in his quest for power.

_“I’m going to kill you, Kryptonian.”_

And he had made good on his promise.

The memory morphed again. Kara could feel her heartbeat speed up, almost dreadfully anticipating the next memory. She knew exactly what was coming, but she was somehow powerless to stop it.

This memory was much more recent. Kara could see her own image reflected in the dark tinted helmet hiding her own identical face. Red daughter’s face.

But Kara wasn’t just Kara anymore. She was Supergirl.

And she was dying.

The punches she could take.

Red daughter charged at her from behind the black helmet. Her kicks and punches matched every single one of Kara’s, and for a second, Kara thought she might get the upper-hand.

But Kara knew it was over the second she saw the crackling of energy in Red daughter’s hands. Her stomach dropped, and she swallowed hard.

Kara remembered it felt so weird, not being incredibly hurt yet, but knowing she was about to die.

She had no significant injuries yet, her blue suit still devoid of blood stains, and her fists balled together proudly on her hips.

And yet she knew it was going to be over so soon.

She didn’t remember much of the fight, just that it didn’t last long.

Kara had once heard that a body couldn’t remember physical pain. She was grateful for that, because the one thing she could say about her death was that it was agonizingly painful.

So painful, in fact, that Kara remembered almost being relieved that it was over.

It was a singular feeling, dying with superpowers. She could see deep into the dark sky, through galaxies and milky ways, past the planets of this solar system. She remembered her vision going first. It became too hard to keep her eyes open, and her body was barely capable to keep itself alive.

Kara remembered sounds. Screams. But they all faded away, until there was nothing left to hear but her own heartbeat, slowing down almost gently, before coming to a full stop.

What happened between that and a minute later, Kara didn’t really remember. All she knew, was that after a while, new sensations came in. New feelings, sounds and touches, all seemingly waking her up after a long nap.

_“You can’t go yet, Kara. You can’t go yet! I remember, I remember. Please, Kara.”_

She felt hands on her face, on her torso. She heard the voice she’d been aching to hear – to really hear – for months now.

“Kara, please, please don’t leave me alone. Please don’t be gone. Please, Kara. You can’t be gone.”

Kara could barely crack open an eye, but she could use her voice. She had to.

It took her forever, it took her ages to get her voice up and running again. But somehow, something inside her clicked. She felt warm, and she felt stronger.

“Alex,” Kara coughed. “Alex.”

“I’m here!”

Alex’ tearstained face finally came into focus once Kara figured out how to keep them open for a second.

“I’m right here, Kara. I’m right here.”

Kara choked back a sob at the sight of her sister.

“I missed you so much,” she croaked out.

Alex cried and put her head on Kara’s chest.

“I missed you.”

Alex started fussing over her, stroking her hair and murmuring things Kara could barely distinguish. Half prayers, half choking laughs and cries, mixed together.

“He killed me,” Kara whispered.

Alex’ hands stilled.

“You mean she,” Alex said softly, pushing Kara’s hair out of her face so she could see her properly. “Red daughter. I saw her fly off – ”

With great, painful effort, Kara managed to shake her head.

“He did,” she repeated. “Lex Luthor killed me. Red daughter… she was just the weapon he was wielding.”

Alex didn’t protest. Her hands resumed their work on her face, tending to the scratches and bruises on her face.

“He killed me,” Kara repeated softly to the dark sky. “He killed me.”

“No he didn’t,” Alex finally said. “He didn’t, because you’re still here.”

Kara turned to look at her sister. Unshed tears were still in Alex’ brown eyes, but her cheeks were wet and glowed in the silvery light.

“Alex – ”

“No, Kara! I don’t want to talk about it.”

She angrily wiped at her cheeks with the sleeve of her black suit.

“You’re alive, that’s what counts. Besides, we have to get going. Lena’s in trouble.”

“Lena?”

“Yes. So we need to hurry.”

Kara tried to nod, but the move hurt too much so she stayed put.

“Alex,” she croaked after a while. “Alex.”

“Yes?”

“Do you really remember?”

The hand on her head stilled. It was trembling.

“Everything,” Alex whispered.

“Oh. That’s good. Because I was thinking,” she swallowed painfully around the words.

“Slowly, slowly, Kara,” Alex said, slowly moving Kara to an almost sitting position where she leaned heavily against a grassy bump in the ground. Alex’ arm was behind her shoulders, keeping her up.

“I was thinking,” Kara persevered. “I was scared you wouldn’t remember.”

“Remember what, Kara?”

“What we talked about after Reign. I was afraid I was going to die, and you wouldn’t remember what you said to me, and then – ” Kara choked back a sob. “And then I’d be all alone. I was so scared.”

“Kara,” Alex twisted her body so she could look at her sister. “I would never forget anything like that, I promise you. I swear.”

“Cross your heart?” Kara asked.

“Hope to die,” Alex said before kissing Kara’s forehead.

_“Cross your heart?”_

_“Hope to die.”_

This time the tugging was instantaneous. Her mind violently pulled into one direction, and Kara felt an intense headache coming on, as her body protested the transition.

This time, she was at home, on her couch.

Alex was beside her. Her hair was a little longer than it was now. She looked tired, pale and scared. Her leg was in a cast.

“You don’t have to stay,” Kara said. “I’m fine. You’re the one whose leg’s in a cast.”

Alex barely managed to crack a smile.

“I’d rather stay.”

Kara hoped she didn’t look too relieved at Alex’ words. She snuggled into Alex’ good side, trying not to disturb her leg.

“Okay. If that’s what you want,” she smiled, resting her head on Alex’ shoulder and taking in her comforting, familiar scent.

They were quiet for a while, as the TV played, neither of them actually watching. It just felt familiar. And they needed familiar for a bit.

“Kara?” Alex’ trembling voice breached the background noise of the Friends reruns on Kara’s TV.

“Yeah?” Kara answered sleepily.

“I have to tell you something.”

Kara lifted her head to look up at her big sister.

“What is it?”

Alex took in a deep breath, averting her gaze from Kara. Her brown eyes were slightly glossy, and Kara knew she wouldn’t like the words that would come out of Alex’ mouth.

“When… when you came in. Three days ago. When you – after. Well, after the fall?”

Kara’s mind flashed to those terrifying last moments of Reign holding her high above the ground. She remembered the fear, the powerlessness. She fell like a ragdoll, and for the first time in ages, she’d felt that twisting stomachache associated with heights again. That petrifying, all-consuming fear.

Her legs had twitched, almost weightless above that great darkness she would fall into. She was powerless. She had no control over the outcome of her fate Reign had decided.

Reign’s face alone could make Kara’s blood run cold in her veins. Those red eyes, that snarl on her face, those lips, twisted into a wicked grin…

Kara shook the memory off, and let it flash back to the current memory, where Alex’ face came back into focus.

Kara frowned when Alex was still unable to properly voice what she wanted to say.

“What’d you have to tell me?” she asked.

Alex bit her lip and swallowed a lump in her throat.

“Before the Legion got you into that… protective bubble, so to speak.”

“Medical pod,” Kara corrected, “but go on.”

Alex took a shaky breath.

“Before we got you in there, we had to have you transported.”

“.. okay?”

“And we had to rush you into surgery. Your injuries were… extensive.”

Kara shrugged uncomfortably.

“So?” she asked. “It’s just some broken bones. They healed just fine, I don’t know why you’re so – ”

“It wasn’t just broken bones, Kara,” Alex interrupted her.

Kara fell silent.

She looked down at her body. Her unharmed, totally functioning body.

“Then what…”

“You coded, Kara,” Alex finally spat out. “You coded, right on the table, with my hands on your chest.”

The last part of Alex’ sentence was lost in a loud sob, one that felt incredibly loud in the room.

Behind them, on the TV, the laugh track followed a joke the both of them had missed, but didn’t care for.

“I,” Kara sank in the couch, “I coded? What’s – what does that mean?”

She didn’t know why she’d asked. She knew what it was. She just needed to hear it confirmed from –

“You died, Kara.”

Kara’s breath stopped, halfway out of her throat.

“You died, and I couldn’t – I tried so hard, but your heart just stopped.”

Alex started crying in earnest now. Kara wanted to wrap her arms around her, and tell her she was going to be okay, but her mind and body somehow missed a connection, and nothing happened.

“Someone was trying to – to get you back. But I – I couldn’t move.”

Alex brought her hand up to her mouth to stifle a sob. “I’m a freaking doctor, and I couldn’t do anything. I just stood there. But I couldn’t – I didn’t get it.”

Alex shook her head.

“I’ve seen so many people die. Shot some too. And yet, I couldn’t understand why you weren’t alive then. I didn’t get how your heart could just – ”

“Stop,” Kara whispered.

“Right. But then,” a smile appeared on Alex’ tearstained face. “Then someone started compressions. They went on for so long, Kara. So long. I was ready t – to call mom.”

Kara swallowed the sudden lump in her throat.

“You died, and then you lived,” Alex half sobbed, half smiled. “I couldn’t bring you back, but the other doctor could, and now you’re here. You’re here, and you’re okay.”

Kara breathed heavily, trying to take it all in.

“I watched your heart go still on the monitor, and then I watched it come back.”

Alex brought her hand to Kara’s face, and looked at her in absolute wonder and devotion.

“I didn’t think – I didn’t dare believe, but here you are. You lived. You’re a miracle, Kara.”

When Kara didn’t respond, Alex’ smile fell. She smoothed Kara’s golden curls with her hand.

“You are okay, though, right?”

Kara opened and closed her mouth.

“I – I died?” she asked after a while.

Alex pressed her lips together tightly before nodding.

“I died,” Kara whispered.

“Yes,” Alex said, “yes, but it doesn’t matter because you’re okay now. You’re here and you’re okay.”

“You are okay, now, aren’t you?” Alex asked after a beat.

The room fell quiet for a while, nothing breaking the silence but the occasional voices on the TV.

“Where did I go?” Kara finally asked in a small voice.

Alex frowned in confusion.

“What do you mean where did you go? You didn’t go anywhere. You were at the D.E.O. then.”

“No,” Kara protested, unshed tears already constraining the sounds coming out of her mouth. “Where did I _go_?”

“I don’t – ”

“I don’t remember,” Kara said. “I don’t remember going anywhere.”

“Kara,” Alex spoke up, “I don’t know what you’re – ”

“Rao’s valley!” Kara said agitated. “I don’t remember going to Rao’s valley. My parents are supposed to wait for me there, but I don’t remember going. But I died! So I should’ve – I should’ve – I should’ve seen them, I – ”

“Oh, Kara – ”

“Stop!” Kara shot up from her seat on the couch. “I don’t need an ‘oh Kara,’ I need to know where I went!”

“Kara you weren’t – I mean,” Alex tried to follow her, but the pained expression on her face showed that her leg wasn’t agreeing with her course of action.

The pain on her sister’s face seemed to have some sort of calming effect, because Kara guiltily sat back down.

“Kara,” Alex rationalized taking Kara’s trembling hands in her own. “You were dead for a while. Your heart stopped. That doesn’t mean you were gone and departed from our world? You weren’t ready to go yet.”

She tilted her sister’s head up gently.

“You fought so hard to keep yourself alive. I don’t think your soul could go to Rao’s valley yet, because you weren’t ready to go yet. You were clinging to life the best you could. You weren’t ready to give up.”

Kara was quiet for a while before she dropped her head against Alex’ shoulder.

“So it’s not because they won’t accept me there anymore?” she whispered against the fabric of Alex’ shirt.

“What? Of course not!” Alex said, gently pushing Kara off her so she could look into her eyes.

“What makes you think that?”

Kara closed her eyes, ashamed.

“Lately,” she started, her voice a hoarse whisper, “I’ve started thinking about where we go. After.”

“Okay,” Alex said, as supportive as ever.

“And I got scared. Because,” Kara had a hard time keeping her eyes on Alex, “because here on earth, everybody talks about heaven and hell. And I got scared that maybe I was too far away from Rao. Maybe, if I die, I’ll be too far away from him to get into the valley. And then I’ll have to go to heaven or to hell. And then I’ll never – ” She swallowed. “I’ll never see my parents – ”

A sob cut her off mid-sentence.

“Hey, hey,” Alex whispered, running her hands over Kara’s hair and cheeks. “No, baby.”

Kara cried, and Alex helplessly tried to calm her down.

“Look, look,” she said after a while, catching Kara’s attention. “I may not be the most religious person here, but I’m a hundred percent certain that’s not how it works.”

“It’s not?” Kara asked through her tears.

“No, no. Look,” she said scooting a little closer, even if it was paired with a pained little gasp, “I believe a soul can traverse the entire universe if it has to. You’re not too far away from Him. You won’t go to any human afterlife, because you’re expected somewhere else.”

“In Rao’s valley?” Kara asked more than confirmed for herself.

“Yes,” Alex said. “You’ll be there. I’m sure of it.”

Kara waited for a bit.

“But then you’ll go to heaven, and I’ll be somewhere else?” Kara clarified. “Right? If that’s how it works, we’ll be separated. I won’t get to see you again.”

“Oh honey,” Alex said, tilting her head. “Do you really think I would let that happen? Do you really think I’d let the afterlife dictate whether we’re going to stay together?”

Kara frowned, confused.

“Kara,” Alex deadpanned, “if you think I’m just going to arrive at whatever place there is after this life, and not check whether you’re there or not, you’re crazy.”

Kara let out a disbelieving laugh.

“I swear to you, I’m going to threaten every single person in charge there until they bring me to you, you hear me? I won’t let anyone, not God, not Rao, not an ethnically ambiguous goddess, nor any divinity out there, separate us. I promise you.”

Kara smiled through her tears.

“Not even the powers that be can separate the Danvers’ sisters,” Alex swore.

“Cross your heart?” she asked, a childish promise forged in their bedroom when they were younger.

“Hope to die,” Alex confirmed, and pulled her sister in close for a hug.

Kara cried out the last of her tears in Alex’ embrace, while her sister ran her fingers down her back, and making soothing sounds.

“Maybe we should amend our promise just the tiniest bit in this case,” Alex said thoughtfully, after Kara’s sobs had subsided. “Maybe hope _not_ to die, you know? Given the circumstances.”

Kara laughed through her tears as Alex kissed her head.

“I love you, Kara,” she whispered, in a more serious tone. “And I’ll never let us get separated. Ever.”

And Kara had believed her, until –

She was sucked into a different memory. A painful stretch, a splitting headache and then –

Kara was at the edge of space and time. The Vanishing Point.

It was cold and lonely. She stared into an endless dark abyss and knew that there was no one out there to hear her. There was nothing. No other planets, no life, no nothing.

Everything was gone.

Her mother. Lois. Lena. Alex. Eliza. Her cousin –

Kara angrily turned around.

“Hey,” she yelled.

She marched all the way to where Ryan and Lex were standing, bowed over some kind of scrap metal they’d found and wanted to use for their invention.

“Supergirl,” Lex said smugly. “Can I help – _oompf_.”

Kara knocked at him with all the strength she had – which, admittedly, wasn’t much in space – and pushed him against one of the walls of the wreck.

Lex sucked in a painful breath, but Kara ignored it. White hot anger filled her pores, and she was ready to rip Lex apart limb by limb.

“You had the book,” she spat out. “You changed you own destiny. You had your talks with the Monitor.”

“Kara,” Kate cautioned, but Kara ignored her.

“You explain what’s happening now,” Kara said, tears of frustration springing in her ears. “Where did everybody go after the wave hit? How do we get them back?”

“Kara,” Sara put her hand on Kara’s shoulder, but Kara angrily shook it off.

“Well?” she yelled. “You know! You know, so just tell me!”

Lex shook his head slowly and smiled. Laughter bubbled up in his throat, and Kara looked at him in confusion and disgust.

“Why are you laughing?” she demanded, pushing him against the wall again.

“Oh,” he said, pinking away some imaginary tears. “Because you Kryptonians are so _daft_. You’re just like your cousin,” he said condescendingly. “Dumb and strong.”

“I’m not dumb!” Kara yelled. “Just tell me where everybody is!”

“They’re dead, you backward alien,” Lex spat out. “And you can yell at me, and you can charge at me, but nothing you do will make them come back.”

“No,” Kara protested. “No that can’t be true! They have to have gone somewhere! There has to be a solution! There has to be.”

“Oh wake up!” Lex yelled at her. “Surely you’re not as blonde as you look!”

He shook his head, and pushed her off of him. Kara didn’t try to apprehend him again.

“We’re not getting them back because they’re all dead. Look around you,” he said, but Kara refused to. She’d already seen the nothingness out there. She didn’t need to see it again.

“We don’t have food or water, yet we don’t go hungry or thirsty,” Lex said, looking at her. “What does that tell you?”

“Time doesn’t pass here,” Kara said softly. “Our bodies can’t starve since they’re not actually progressing in time.”

“Exactly,” Lex said, almost a hint of a compliment in his voice. “We are at the edge of time, and we won’t starve, we won’t rot away. We’ll never die and decay. We’ll live here, forever.”

Kara looked at him in utter horror, which he seemed to take great pleasure in.

A deadly smirk appeared on his face.

“Everybody you’ve ever known is dead, sucked into the great big Nothing. There’s nowhere to go. Nowhere to see them. And there’s no one left to remember them but you and me – and maybe those other fools here.”

Kara’s breathing got heavier.

“Don’t you see Kryptonian?” Lex taunted. “We’ll live on forever. We won’t die. We’ll live while everyone else is dead. And we’ll do so for forever and ever. Just the seven of us. All alone in the big, empty universe.”

His face became gleeful as Kara gasped a ‘no.’

“Has it sunken in yet?” he said.

Kara turned and walked away, her head spinning. The dark blue around her became a swirling horror scene, and Kara felt her breaths get strained and painful.

“We’re all alone here, Supergirl,” Lex cackled. “This is home now.”

Kara fell to her knees. She could vaguely hear Kate punch Lex in the nose, while he laughed on.

All alone in the universe. She was alive and everybody else was dead.

She was alive and everyone else was –

“Let me out!”

Kara was knocking on the glass of her pod with all the strength in her little fists.

“Let me out, let me out, let me out!”

The unending stretch of space around her, so frightening and so dark was choking her. Swallowing her whole. The light of Krypton’s destructive fire had disappeared, died out. And now there was only darkness.

“ _Ieiu_!” she cried. “Come back, come back!”

She felt the strength seep from her body, and she felt a wave of fatigue overcome her.

“Daddy,” she cried softly, putting her hands on the glass above her face. “Ieiu, please. Please come get me,” she whispered.

“Don’t leave me alone. Please.”

But the stars around her didn’t answer her. No one did. It was utterly silent. And cold. So cold.

“Come back,” she whispered. “Come back.”

When no one answered her, she became so mad, so terrified, so anxious about being locked up in a tiny coffin in space, that she used all of her last energy to scream and rap at the glass one last time.

“Let me out!” she yelled. “Let me out! Let me go! Ieiu! Daddy! Astra!”

She pushed against the glass once, twice! It didn’t budge. Of course it didn’t. It was made to withstand the most horrendous of circumstances.

“Ieiu! Help!” Kara screamed. “Ieiu, let me out! Let me out! Please! Somebody help me, please!”

It felt like the tiny pod was getting even smaller, and Kara remembered she could barely breathe, and no one would help her, no one could help her, and no one knew where she was or who she was or that she needed help and she was just choking on the silence and the fear and the pain and –

“Ieiu!” Kara sobbed. “Ieiu, please don’t leave me alone. I don’t want to be alone.”

Her loud sobs slowly turned into desperate, hopeless cries.

No one was coming. There was no one around.

No one was coming to get her.

After some meaningless time had passed, her cries turned into quiet whimpers.

She could feel the pod’s programs work against her instinctive fighting. It was supposed to pull her under, into hypersleep. But Kara was terrified that once she was under, she wouldn’t wake up again. Why should she? There was nothing around her. Her cousin, nor any other planets or stars were in sight. She would sleep forever, until the entire universe collapsed.

The pod’s programs were working hard on getting her to sleep. They were making the air in the pod feel funny. Thicker. It was pulling her to sleep. She had to go into hypersleep. She didn’t want to, but she knew there was no use in fighting.

She could scream all she wanted. No one would hear her.

She was lost.

And Kara couldn’t fight anymore. She was all alone and there was nothing around her. No home. No father. No mother.

She was all alone.

“Ieiu,” Kara whimpered, “Ieiu, come back,” before she drifted off into a sleep that would last her twenty-four long years.

This time, Kara woke up from the memory quest to her own crying. Her panicked sobs restricted her air flow, and she was gasping for breaths, as the monitor next to her went crazy.

The sounds were loud, and the beeping was so quick and loud. Kara didn’t realize it was because she was holding her breath, until someone pulled her up, and a familiar voice whispered in her ear that she needed to breathe.

“Kara, please take a deep breath for me. Can you do that?”

Kara didn’t know if she could. Tears restricted her vision and her chest hurt so damn bad.

“Kara, count to three with me, okay? Then we’re going to take a deep breath together, okay?”

Kara tried to nod.

“One, two, three. Breathe.”

Kara opened her mouth and took a deep breath, inhaling the oxygen her body so desperately needed.

“There you go, good job, Kara. Now hold it. Good. Take a deep breath again. Good, yes, that’s it. Good job, Kara. Good job.”

Kara finally managed to breathe on her own again, and though her heart was still beating way too fast, the monitor’s beeping slowed down, until it wasn’t so loud anymore.

Kara looked to her left and saw Kelly’s kind eyes. Kelly was still talking to her, breathing with her.

“You’re okay, Kara. Your sister’s here, see?”

Kara turned her head and saw Alex.

“Alex,” she croaked, and it was then that she realized she was still crying. Tears were dripping down her cheeks, and she didn’t know how to make them stop.

Alex didn’t seem to fare much better. She seemed to check with Kelly, and the second Kelly nodded, Alex jumped forward, and took her sister in her arms.

“It’s okay, baby. It’s okay,” Alex said.

Kara wanted to say something along the lines of: “I know. It’s fine. Just let go.” But somehow, the tears kept coming, and the words just didn’t.

“Lexie, I – ”

“It’s okay, Kara,” Alex said, but Kara could feel her hair grow wet with Alex’ own tears. “It’s okay.”

“You were gone,” Kara cried. “Everyone was gone.”

“I know, Kara,” Alex whispered tearily in her hair. “I know. I’m so sorry.”

“I was all alone again,” Kara dug her fingers in Alex’ shoulders. “All alone.”

“I won’t leave you again,” Alex promised. “I swear, never again.”

“Alex,” Kelly interrupted, “maybe you should step out.”

“No,” Alex cried. “I have to stay with – ”

“Alex,” Kelly said seriously. “You’re not helping right now. You’re upset. You need to step outside. I’ve got her. Go.”

Alex sniffed, but seemed to abide by her girlfriend’s rules.

“You promise?” she demanded.

“I promise,” Kelly said softly. “I’ve got her.”

Alex nodded and kissed the top of Kara’s head before squeezing her tight.

“I’m just gonna step into the other room, okay?” she said, facing Kara, a tear-filled smile on her face. “I’m right over there. I’m not leaving.”

Kara nodded.

“Okay,” she whispered, forcing herself to let go of her sister. “Okay.”

Once the door closed, Kelly stepped into Kara’s line of vision.

“Kara?” she asked carefully. “Are you alright?”

“I’m, I’m fine,” Kara croaked, her chest still rising from the sobs wrecking through her body.

Kelly made an empathizing sound. “You don’t look fine, honey. You’re crying. Did you know that?”

Kara touched her cheeks. They were wet. Her eyes were still tearing up. She couldn’t make it stop.

“It’s fine,” Kara just stuttered. “I’ll be fine.”

“Sweetheart, do you need – ”

“Did you get it?” Kara interrupted. “Please tell me you got him on video?”

Kelly smiled reassuringly. “We’ve got him. You did it, Kara. You did such a good job.”

Kara took a relieved breath, closing her eyes, and feeling the last of her tears roll down her cheeks.

“You were amazing, Kara,” Kelly said, putting her hand on Kara’s arm. “You have every right to be very proud of – ”

“Can I go home?” Kara interrupted.

Kelly looked slightly taken aback by Kara’s statement but recovered quickly.

“Kara, I’d rather not have you alone right now. You relived some very traumatic things. You should probably – ”

“I want to go home,” Kara cut her off. She didn’t care if she was being rude. “I want to go home right now. I can come in and talk about it tomorrow, can’t I?”

Kelly nodded hesitantly, but looked at Kara with great concern. Kara didn’t want to see it and looked away.

“Kara, as a psychologist, I really can’t recommend – ”

But Kara wasn’t listening.

She slid off the chair, almost falling, but Kelly managed to steady her just in time. The room was spinning and Kara felt so incredibly dizzy.

“Kara?”

“Please let me go home,” Kara whispered. “I just want to take a shower and go to bed. Please don’t make me stay.”

Kelly sighed deeply, regarding Kara worriedly. Eventually, though, she nodded.

“Can I at least ask someone to bring you? To stay with you?”

“I’ll get a cab,” Kara said. She wanted to walk away, but a painful tugging to her hand reminded her that she was still stuck to the IV.

“Kelly…”

“I’ll get someone to help you with that,” Kelly said.

“I’ll do it.”

Kara almost jumped at the sound of Lena’s voice.

She turned and saw Lena, who must’ve been standing behind her the entire time, walk up to her in her white labcoat and protective gloves.

Kara couldn’t bring herself to talk to Lena right now. She just wanted to go home. She couldn’t talk to her about everything right now.

Lena had seen her die. She’d seen her suffer at the hands of Red daughter and Reign… It was just too much.

Kara refused to talk about it, so she laid back down on the chair, and wordlessly presented her hand to Lena.

Lena methodically went about her business. She sat down on the chair next to Kara and started gently but systematically disconnecting all of the wires and tubes linked to Kara’s body.

Kara kept her eyes trained on the ceiling.

Tears were leaking out of her eyes, but she refused to comment on them.

She just wanted to go home so badly. So freaking badly.

She sniffed, and felt Kelly take her other hand. Kara swallowed the lump in her throat. Her hand hurt when Lena took out the IV. It hurt really bad.

Kelly squeezed her hand and Kara sniffed a bit louder, tears escaping the corners of her eyes. Lena didn’t say anything, which Kara was immensely grateful for.

“All done,” Lena said softly after a while. “I’ll just turn off the lights and your free to go.”

She slipped off the chair, and went to the back of the room, fiddling with the parameters of the sunlamps.

Kara sat back up. She looked at her hand. Lena had put a sparkly silver bandage on the injury of her hand, even though it would heal about three seconds after she’d turn off the lights.

Kara didn’t even know she had sparkly bandages.

“Kara,” Kelly started gently, and Kara almost sighed in desperation.

She just wanted to go home. She had the overwhelming urge to just escape this

“I know you said you want to get out of here. I get that, I do. But I still want to ask you one more time if I can get someone to come with you. Alex might be a little too emotional, but I’m happy to come. I know Nia or J’onn, or even Brainy would be happy to accompany you – ”

“I want to go home,” Kara repeated.

“I know that. I’m just saying I know what we’re dealing with here,” Kelly explained. “You might say you’re fine now, but you might get a drop later. This might not be the worst part yet, you understand?”

“I don’t care,” Kara stubbornly said. “I want to go home and be left alone. Just for a little bit.”

Kara turned to Kelly and looked at her pleadingly.

“I need a break, Kelly, please. I’ll call if I need something. Just please, please let me go home.”

Kelly sighed. After a while, she lifted her eyes to Kara’s and nodded slowly.

“I understand,” she said. “I’ll get you an Uber.”

“I’ll be able to fly in – ”

“No flying,” Kelly said. “You want to go home alone, then I can’t stop you. But reckless behavior such as flying after only having been out of red sunlight for a minute counts as reckless behavior.”

She stared at Kara sternly.

“I’m getting you an Uber and that’s the end of it. You clear on that?”

Kara nodded quickly. “Yes ma’am.”

Kelly cracked a tiny smile. “Good.”

* * *

Kara arrived in her apartment later than anticipated. There had been more traffic than she’d thought possible.

She was tired to the bone. She felt freezing cold, and impossibly exhausted.

She closed the door behind her and leaned against it. She blinked a couple of times in the darkness of the apartment.

It was too dark. Too frightening. It was a different kind of dark than the dark that usually returned in her nightmares, but that didn’t mean that this one wasn’t equally terrifying.

Kara quickly made a decision.

She flicked on the light-switch on the wall next to the door. The room bathed in a warm, yellow light.

Kara looked around and saw that the darkness still touched the corners of her apartment, and certain spaces under coffee tables and near couches.

That wouldn’t do.

Kara quickly went about the room. She flicked on every light she could find. The tiny lamp on the coffee table. The lights above her stove. The lamps above her dinner table. The lights in her bathroom, and the light above her bathroom mirror. She turned on the big light in her bedroom. The lamp on her nightstand was next.

She remembered the funny lamp Alex had gotten her as a joke gift one time. She dug it out of her closet. It was a brightly colored thing in the form of a set of lips. She plugged it into an outlet and turned it on. It gave off a dim pink light.

She had a tiny nightlight in the shape of a moon. Eliza had gifted it to her when she was younger, and still suffered lots of nightmares. She found it in the same box Alex’ lamp had been in. She plugged that one into a power outlet too.

She turned around in her apartment.

Every nook of her apartment was lit up. She’d effectively driven away the scariness of the dark.

And still it wasn’t enough. It still _felt_ dark.

But Kara couldn’t think of a single lamp she had that could drive away the _feeling_ of darkness. The loneliness. The fear. The haunting quality of the darkness.

Kara let out a desperate sob and sank to her knees in the middle of her living room. She felt so incredibly, overwhelmingly scared. The kind of scared that’s like a petrifying chill that runs deep in your bones.

Kara wrapped her arms around herself and balled her fists together, wishing that for once her fingernails could dig into her skin, so she could just feel her own body react just for a bit.

Kara trembled where she sat. Terrified. Alone.

Guess Kelly wasn’t completely wrong about that drop.

Kara laughed slightly, before burying her head in her knees and letting out a dry sob. She was petrified.

A sudden knock on the door startled Kara, and she stiffened, terrified.

Kara didn’t dare move. She didn’t dare breathe. She couldn’t even muster up the courage to take off her glasses so she could see who was on the other side of the door.

A second knock came, and Kara whimpered.

No.

This was ridiculous. She had to get up. She was Supergirl for crying out loud. She couldn’t just stay on that floor forever. She couldn’t fight the darkness. She couldn’t exactly run from it either. She needed to get her act together.

A third knock rapped on the door.

Kara stifled her fear, and balled her fists, but then –

“Kara?”

Lena’s voice filled the silence of her apartment.

“Kara? Are you up? Can you – no,” Lena sighed. “Would you open the door for me? Please? I just.”

Lena took a deep breath, and Kara listened intently for what was to come.

“Look, I – I know you might not want me here. And, that’s fair. It is,” she mumbled.

A soft thump on the door accentuated the defeat in Lena’s voice.

“But I just. I had to check. I need to know you’re okay, Kara, I – ”

Lena sighed defeatedly, before some strength seemed to return.

“You know what, no. I don’t care that you don’t want me here. I’m not leaving until I am certain that you’re okay, because I swear to God, Kara if I – ”

The door swung open.

Kara had barely registered getting to the door at all. Somehow she’d gotten over there, like her unconsciousness had guided her there, too desperate to listen to her fears, and she’d pulled the door open.

She saw the surprise in Lena’s beautiful face. She lifted her head, and stood up straight, no longer leaning against the white wall next to her door. The tiredness in her eyes turned into hope.

Lena’s cheeks were pink from the cold, her ponytail looked a lot messier than in the lab and her jacket seemed to have been thrown on haphazardly, as if she’d been in a rush to get to Kara’s apartment.

She’d never looked prettier.

The sight of Lena, looking so angelic, so amazing, so soft. That… person, outside her apartment, just waiting to make sure that she was okay… It was too much. It was too much. All the lights in the world couldn’t do what Lena did. What Lena represented. Just Lena standing by the door made the darkness _feel_ so much less scary.

The relief that Lena was actually close; that she was right there and that she would help her… it made Kara feel both so incredibly comforted and grateful, and at the same time so confused because Lena was so desperately needed in her home.

“What are you doing here?” Kara asked, shaking her head. “Lex is probably keeping tabs on the both of us. This is danger – ”

“I don’t care,” Lena shook her head. “I need to know you’re okay. I’m sorry I didn’t speak up before, but Kara,” Lena looked at her, almost pleadingly. “I couldn’t just text again and have a fifty-fifty chance you would open up to me. I needed to see you were alright.”

Lena’s sweet words hit Kara right in her chest.

Her lips separated wordlessly, not able to utter a single thing.

Lena was there for her. Lena didn’t care about how dangerous it was coming to Kara. She’d rather compromise her safety than let Kara suffer alone.

Kara’s lip started trembling and her body betrayed her for the millionth time that night. Tears shot into her eyes at the sight of her wonderful, used-to-be-best-friend, fighting off the darkness around Kara.

“It got so dark,” Kara croaked. “And I got scared.”

“Oh sweetie,” Lena whispered.

She took a step inside Kara’s apartment, forgoing her usual code of etiquette, waiting for an invite. Lena dropped her purse on the ground, and before Kara knew it, she and Lena were inside her apartment, Lena’s arms were wrapped around her, and Kara was holding onto her for dear life.

“Oh Kara,” Lena whispered, and Kara dug her fingers into the soft material of Lena’s silken top, biting her tongue to keep from crying. “Oh honey.”

Lena took a step back to observe her best friend.

Kara had seen herself in the mirror. She was really not a sight anyone would appreciate right now. Her eyes were red-rimmed, her cheeks were blotchy red. She looked downright pitiful.

Lena smoothed a hand down Kara’s curls. Her thumb rested on Kara’s cheek for the tiniest of seconds, and Kara felt the spot heat up with a single touch.

She wished Lena’s hands never had to let go of her.

Lena’s hands ran down her arms, until they reached Kara’s hands. Lena took Kara’s hand in her cold one, and guided them to the couch. She sat down and pulled Kara down with her. The second they were both on the pillows, Lena tugged so Kara was back in her embrace again.

Kara landed somewhere half on the couch, half in Lena’s lap, but she didn’t care.

Lena ran her fingers over Kara’s back and over her long curls. She didn’t say anything. She just held Kara.

They didn’t laugh. They didn’t joke. They didn’t talk. Kara didn’t have to explain. Lena just… understood.

Kara just squeezed Lena close around her waist, desperate for Lena not to let go. And Lena seemed to understand. She held on to Kara just as tightly. One arm tightened around the woman’s back, while the other found its place around Kara’s neck.

Kara buried her face in the crook of Lena’s neck, and was so, so, _so_ damn relieved that Lena was there to chase away the shadows around her, that she couldn’t bring it in her to feel ashamed or embarrassed.

Lena was there. That was all that mattered.

Maybe Kara had spoken the truth in Lena’s lab earlier that night, to Kelly. She truly didn’t want J’onn, Kelly or even Nia to come with her to her apartment. There was only one person she really wanted there, even if she hadn’t known it.

Lena’s arms protectively shielding her from the pain and the fear. Lena, who made all the lamps and the lights unnecessary. Lena, who made breathing just a little easier.

That was all she really needed.

Who, she really needed.

After a while, the soothing scent of Lena’s familiar perfume and her soft washing powder lulled Kara into a comfortable enough state, that she didn’t feel like Lena would go up into smoke if she let go anymore.

She wouldn’t let go, not until Lena asked her, but still. She felt less scared that Lena would fade away into nothing.

“Lena?” Kara whispered against the hallow of Lena’s neck.

If Kara’s breath tickled her, Lena didn’t say.

“Yes darling?” Lena whispered back.

“Please stay?”

Lena’s hand resumed its path on Kara’s curls, always landing on Kara’s back before moving back up.

“Always,” Lena promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! 
> 
> I’m updating twice today (on this story and the Wonderland story) to celebrate that I passed my exam! Yay!!! 
> 
> Thank you so much for your enthusiasm, your love and your patience. I hope you liked this third chapter as much as I did! I’m sorry about the wait, I hope it didn’t take too long. 
> 
> I tried to incorporate most of the elements of Kara’s story that stayed with me, and I’m hoping you’ll like them too.
> 
> I’ve read every comment on this fic, and I love every single one of them. You guys are amazing, and your enthusiasm really keeps me from giving up on these fics. I hope you had fun reading this chapter, the fourth one is already on its way.
> 
> Please let me know what you thought, either here or on [my Tumblr!](https://thingsanddreamsandstuff.tumblr.com)
> 
> If you have any sort of prompts you think I might like to write, please send me a message on Tumblr! I love writing fan fiction, and I can't wait to write some more :) 
> 
> See you next time!


	4. Chapter 4

“You hate me,” Kara mumbled against Lena’s neck, a while later. “You do, you said so.”

Lena stilled underneath her. Her body, which up to that point had allowed Kara to force it into the most uncomfortable position ever without complaint, went rigid and felt harder against Kara’s own.

Kara could hear Lena’s heartrate speed up just a bit, since her head rested right on Lena’s chest, tucked underneath the woman’s chin.

They’d been lying on that couch for Rao knows how long.

Kara was still lying in a semi-fetus position, right on Lena, who dutifully held her, even though Kara was pretty sure she was crushing the other woman’s legs and torso just a bit.

Kara’s fear had barely thawed. Lena’s presence was the only thing that kept her from absolutely losing it. The warm arms around her body were just enough to shield her from the horrors outside. Her perfume the only thing that made the room feel less foreign and alone.

Even the lights she’d turned on earlier on, felt creepy and cast earie looking shadows on the walls around them.

Kara hadn’t looked up when she said it. She didn’t raise her voice, or even tried to sound accusatory. She was merely stating the thoughts that had welled up in her mind.

“I don’t mean to be rude,” she added in a whisper. “I was just wondering.”

“Wondering?” Lena asked softly after a beat.

Still, Kara could feel that Lena’s body hadn’t relaxed.

“Wondering if you hate me, why you’d choose to be here with me,” Kara admitted. “Why you came in the first place.”

Kara could almost feel Lena thinking.

“I came because you needed me,” she said simply. “I’ll always come if you need me.”

“But you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you, Kara,” Lena sighed.

Her exhale warmed the top of Kara’s head, yet she shivered slightly.

“I don’t think I ever did. I wanted to,” she admitted honestly, and Kara’s heart tightened just a little.

As if she’d noticed Kara’s pain, Lena’s hand came up to the back of Kara’s head, and started playing with the blonde curls she found there.

“I was hurt, Kara. I still am. And I think I was trying to prove to myself that I could live without you. That I could hurt you, cut you out of my life and go on, without even taking pause to find that I’d lost the most important friendship I’d had, maybe ever.”

Kara’s breath hitched in her throat.

She stared fixedly at one of the nightlights she’d plugged in earlier that night, before Lena had showed up.

“And could you?”

“Go on like nothing happened?”

“Uh-huh?”

“No,” Lena whispered. “Not even a little bit. I was a wreck.”

Kara raised her head and pushed herself up to look at Lena. The other woman let her hold loosen, allowing Kara to sit up slightly, but her arms never left Kara’s body. She leaned back slightly to look at Kara.

Lena looked at her with that familiar, intense burning in her eyes, waiting for Kara to speak up. She looked strong yet guarded. Prepared. Like she was constantly expecting the worst of news, and was mentally preparing herself not to let herself crumble when she got it.

It made Kara want to look away, yet also simultaneously rendered her completely unable to do so.

“You were?” Kara asked hesitantly.

Lena’s face softened. The guarded expression gave way to the look that Lena always saved just for her. The love. The tender caring.

Lena tucked a blonde curl behind Kara’s ear.

“Of course I was,” she whispered sadly. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt more miserable in my life, Kara.”

Kara smiled a half smile.

“Guess that makes two of us.”

Lena didn’t smile.

She looked away, and let her arms slide off Kara’s arms. Kara instantly felt the cold rush back.

“Lena,”

“It’s getting late,” Lena said, eying the clock on Kara’s wall. “You should go sleep. Rest. You’ve had a long day.”

Kara felt the panic rush back in. She looked over Lena’s shoulder into her well-lit bedroom. A feeling of nausea bubbled up inside her at the thought of going back into that room and closing her eyes.

She knew, she _knew_ what would happen the second she would lay down on her bed.

First, she’d fight the insomnia. She’d read, work, whatever. She’d do anything that would keep her mind occupied. Then, when she would run out of excuses, Kara would have to eventually close her eyes. She would eventually get too tired to fight off her fears of actually going to sleep.

And then the nightmares would start.

“I’m not tired,” Kara said quickly.

“Really?” Lena almost laughed. “Kara, I’m pretty sure I almost heard you snore a couple of minutes ago. You’re exhausted.”

Kara swallowed.

The yellow glow in her room didn’t look warm or inviting at all. It looked scary, like the yellow eyes of a horrible beast, hiding away, stalking her, waiting to attack.

Lena followed Kara’s eyes, and looked into Kara’s bedroom. She turned back to Kara with a concerned expression.

“What’s going on, Kara?” she asked softly. “Tell me.”

“Noth – ”

“Do not lie to me,” Lena cut her off sternly. “I deserve better than that. _You_ deserve better than that.”

Her tone softened. “What’s bothering you?”

Kara raised her head to look into Lena’s eyes again.

Lena was there. She was real. She was listening.

Kara just had to talk.

“I don’t know exactly,” she whispered honestly. “I just don’t feel… safe here, I guess?”

Lena frowned.

“I know it’s stupid,” Kara said quickly. “I know it is, I’m Supergirl, I can fight, I can fly – but I just – ”

“Kara,” Lena cut her off gently, her hand cupping Kara’s jaw. “It’s not stupid.”

“It’s not?” Kara asked in a small voice.

“No,” Lena said. “It’s not. You don’t feel good here. I understand.”

Kara nodded, feeling safe enough to lean back against Lena again, very, very lightly.

Lena immediately wrapped her arm around Kara’s middle again.

“I’ll get over it,” Kara said. “I just need to woman up.”

“No,” Lena said.

Kara leaned back at looked at her in confusion.

“No?”

“No,” Lena said, gently pushing Kara off her, and standing up. “You’ll probably need to build some sort of system that allows you to feel safe again here, like, psychologically speaking,” Lena said, picking up her jacket and then extending her hand to Kara. “That will involve some serious conversations with Kelly, or any other therapist. It’ll require time, and patience, but that’s not for tonight.”

Kara frowned, but let herself be pulled to her feet by Lena.

“Then what are we – ?”

“We’re going somewhere else,” Lena said resolutely. “Somewhere you do feel safe. I don’t care if it’s Midvale, Paris, the most expensive hotel room in National city or your sister’s apartment, we’re getting you somewhere you feel okay.”

Lena tugged at her hand, and pulled her towards her door.

Kara let herself be guided by Lena. She let Lena wrap her in one of her coats, though for the life of her, she couldn’t say which one. She was too wary, too… confused.

“Wait,” Lena said, before strutting through the apartment.

Kara watched immobile, as Lena walked into Kara’s bedroom. Kara didn’t see what she was doing until the room turned dark.

Lena was switching off the lights.

She walked back into the living room and turned off the lights there too. She unplugged the various nightlights, the funny lamps, even the lip lamp, as Kara had dubbed it.

Kara clasped her hands together, waiting for the inevitable wave of anguish and fear to overcome her once the dark had completely engulfed her.

But it didn’t come. Lena chased the feel of the darkness away, just by being there. She was stronger than any light Kara had.

Lena turned off all the lights except for the one by the door, the last one to be switched off once they left the apartment.

She walked up to Kara, and softly took the cold, frigid hands in her own.

“You okay?” she murmured.

Kara didn’t know. But she nodded anyway.

“C’mon,” Lena said, tugging Kara by the hand and leading her into the hallway. “We’re taking my car. You start thinking where you want to go.”

She turned off the last light in Kara’s living room.

* * *

“So,” Lena said, closing the door and taking the driver seat. “Where to?”

“Don’t you usually have a driver?” Kara asked.

“Eh, yeah. Usually,” Lena mumbled, throwing her bag on the seat behind her.

When Kara looked at her questioningly, Lena sighed.

“He was already off work,” she explained. “Normally, I’d call him up and ask him to drive me, but when I got worried about you, I just… I didn’t want to wait. So I drove.”

“Oh,” Kara said simply. She could suppress a small smile though.

Lena saw and shook her head, but Kara could see a hint of a smile in her eyes too.

“You did evade my question, Kara,” Lena said, putting the key in the ignition before turning to look at Kara. “Where do you want me to drive you?”

Kara wrapped her arms around herself and looked out the window.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I really don’t.”

“Do you want to go to Alex’? I know she won’t mind having you there.”

“I know,” Kara said. “But I don’t want to go there right now.”

She was scared Lena might push her. Might push her to admit that she couldn’t bear to be around her own sister because she was too scared to see her own horror and pain reflected in Alex’ eyes. The memories she’d relived earlier that night, the haunting image of Alex breaking down next to her – twice – to tell her that she’d died –

“I don’t want to go there,” Kara choked out quickly.

Lena glanced at her in concern, but didn’t say anything. She just stared at Kara with that look again. Worried.

“Okay,” Lena said simply. “That’s okay.”

Kara swallowed when she looked at Lena, but nodded too – gratefully.

“We can go wherever you’d like, Kara,” Lena reassured her. “Would you like to go home? Do you want me to get you to Midvale?”

Kara bit her lip.

She didn’t really want to go to Midvale, cause having to explain to Eliza what had happened would probably result in a terrifyingly angry phone call to Alex, and a major blow out at J’onn and anyone else involved in the making of the plan. Kara included.

Plus – and Kara snuck a glance at Lena – she hadn’t had the nerve yet to tell Lena that Eliza had been very on the verge of shooting Lena herself when Alex had updated her on the small ‘Lena trapped Kara in the Fortress of Solitude, tortured her with Kryptonite and stole an incredibly dangerous mind-controlling device from her’ thing.

Kara wasn’t a hundred percent sure Eliza wouldn’t kill Lena on the spot if they got there.

“I don’t want to bother her at this hour,” Kara said instead.

Lena threw her a look, but Kara shook her head.

“I would have to explain everything, Lena. I can’t – I don’t have the strength or the consciousness to do that right now.”

Lena sighed but accepted Kara’s answer.

“Want me to get you a suite in the Luthor Hotel? They were literally built to be the most comfortable places in the city?” Lena said with a smile. “Foreign diplomates have stayed there. Hell, the king of Norway has stayed there!”

Kara cracked a smile at that, but the thought of having to spend the night in an anonymous room, without anything homely or warm to remind her of _something_ , just made her feel claustrophobic in and on itself.

“Lena,” Kara whispered, “I’m wasting your time here. I don’t know where I want to go. Nothing really sounds good right now. I’m so sorry.”

She put her hand on the door lock.

“I’ll just go to bed at home. It’s fine, I promise,” Kara reassured both Lena and herself.

“Kara Zor-El Danvers, you are not going back into that apartment! You better stay seated in that chair or so help me God, I will drag you back to this car myself, lock you up in my own apartment and show you what a Luthor I really am!” Lena threatened. “Are we clear on that?”

Kara looked at her with big eyes and dropped her hand from the lock to her lap.

Lena raised her eyebrow.

“Show me what a Luthor you are?” Kara asked slowly after a beat.

Lena’s lip started trembling.

The sight of Lena trying to keep her badass, mean, terrifying CEO façade on, while trying to refrain from laughing at what she’d just said broke her.

For the first time that night, Kara actually started laughing. It took another two seconds of her trying to look serious, but then Lena joined in, laughing at her own ridiculousness.

It was in that moment, where Kara looked over at Lena, head bowed over her lap, the wide laugh on her face bringing out the dimples in her cheeks while her hands still gripped the steering wheel tightly, that a warmth started to spread from Kara’s head to her fingertips.

Lena’s laugh was the most wonderful sound in the world, and Kara could never, ever get enough of it.

She suddenly felt completely sure where exactly she would feel safe. Where she would feel warm and protected.

“Lena,” she gathered her courage after the laughter had finally died down.

Lena looked over at her, a warm, soft smile still on her face.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” she asked nervously.

Lena didn’t falter. Her face didn’t fall, and she didn’t sigh an awkward “well actually…”

Instead, her smile got a little wider, a little prouder.

“Of course you can,” Lena smiled.

Kara smiled back in relief.

In a sudden burst of happiness, Lena took Kara’s hand up to her mouth and placed a warm kiss on it, before gently putting it back – shooting Kara a smile – and turning her key.

The car’s engine softly revved to life, and Lena drove off.

* * *

Kara was the first to walk into Lena’s penthouse.

Lena herself was still ticking in the ten-digit alarm code, while Kara had taken the liberty to take the first few steps inside.

Lena’s apartment was clean. Almost sterile. It was dark inside, but the moonlight coming through the large glass wall of illuminated the apartment just enough for it to have a blue-ish shine to it.

That quickly went away went Lena flicked on a light.

Kara wrapped her arms around herself almost instinctively.

“Are you okay?” Lena asked softly, putting a hand on Kara’s arm.

“Yeah,” Kara whispered. “I think so.”

She thought for a bit.

“I’m cold,” she said slowly. “Which I know is sort of impossible, cause I think I run at a constant one hundred degrees. But still, I’m – I _feel_ cold.”

Lena looked at her closely.

“How about you take a shower and I get you something else to change into?”

“Oh,” Kara said, “I don’t have to – I don’t want to impose. I’m already invading your space and your apart – ”

“Hey,” Lena cut her off. “You are not invading anything. I invited you here.”

She shook her head.

“How many times have I spent the night at your place, Kara?”

Kara wanted to scream that that was different. They were still unambiguous friends back then. There had been no Lex, and no Fortress of Solitude, and no betrayal then.

She didn’t say that though. Instead –

“I guess,” Kara shrugged. “I just…”

“Kara,” Lena said sincerely, stepping closer to Kara. “You’re not a bother, okay? I want you to be safe, I want you to feel okay, I – ”

Her voice cracked a little. She brought her hand up to Kara’s cheek and softly stroked it.

“I want you here,” Lena said hoarsely. “I want you to stay.”

Kara couldn’t speak. Lena was everywhere again. She was so close and –

“Please stay,” Lena whispered.

“Okay.”

* * *

One scalding hot shower later, Kara emerged from Lena’s bathroom in a set of Lena’s fuzziest, warmest pajamas. She didn’t even know Lena had things to sleep in that weren’t made of satin or silk. 

Kara found Lena on the couch, reading a thick science magazine. Lena was so engrossed in her article, that at first she didn’t even notice Kara awkwardly shuffling on her feet.

Kara coughed, embarrassed, until Lena looked up.

“Kara, I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you there. You feeling better?”

“Much, thank you.”

“You ready for bed?”

Kara nodded.

Lena stood up, and led them through her loft. She paused in front of a white, wooden door.

“So,” she said slowly, “here’s the guest room I prepared.”

Kara swallowed. “Oh.”

“But,” Lena said, looking a little embarrassed, “if you want – and it’s totally okay if you don’t – you could also stay in my room. With me, that is.”

She looked worried, like Kara would shoot her down on the spot. Instead, Kara smiled, relieved.

“I’d like to stay with you, please.”

Lena smiled back and led them to her room.

* * *

While Lena’s bedroom was gigantic and extravagant, Kara barely noticed. She didn’t care for the grandeur and the artfully minimalistic design of the room. Instead, she noticed Lena’s night ritual. While Kara herself was already tucked into the bed, hiding under the covers that still smelled so much like Lena’s perfume, her friend was still getting ready. She’d already put on her pj’s – a beautiful black and white satin set – and was now just finishing up the final touches.

Kara watched as Lena carefully removed her make-up in her bedroom mirror. How she put on some fancy night cream over her face and neck. The way she quickly ran a comb through her hair, like it was something she remembered only last-minute, or something she didn’t like doing.

The latter seemed ridiculous to Kara, since her hair was always so smooth and shiny. Maybe she had a secret formula to keep it that way.

But finally, Lena walked around the bed, and slid into the space beside Kara.

Now, the bed was gigantic, and they could’ve probably spent the night comfortably without even touching each other if they’d wanted, but the second Lena lay down, her eyes met Kara’s in a silent question. Kara nodded, and Lena slid all the way over to the middle, meeting Kara.

Lena’s bodywarmth was addictive. Kara instinctively moved closer, until their legs were touching.

Lena didn’t seem to mind. She smiled warmly at Kara.

“This is nice,” she whispered.

“Yeah, it’s like a sleepover,” Kara smiled back.

Lena laughed.

“Not like any sleepover I’ve ever had,” Lena said with a smirk.

Kara frowned. “You’ve never had a sleepover before? But I’ve stayed over – ”

Lena tilted her head and lifted an eyebrow.

“Oh,” Kara blushed. “Never mind. Forget I ever said that.”

Lena chuckled, and Kara felt low in her belly that she really, really liked that sound. It was so purely, unadulteratedly Lena. It was the sound of a Lena, free from all the social restrictions her job and her life in the spotlight forced on her.

It was _her_ Lena. It was Lena _with_ Kara. It was Lena when she was comfortable, carefree and happy.

“What are you thinking?” Lena asked in a low voice.

“Oh,” Kara whispered. “I don’t know.”

Lena waited patiently, staring at her with those gorgeous eyes.

Kara sighed, and Lena smiled wider.

“I guess,” Kara said, “I guess I was thinking I really like you.”

Lena blinked slowly.

“You do?”

Kara nodded, her cheek rubbing against the soft pillow as she did so.

“Really, really like. Like a whole lot,” Kara whispered.

Lena’s eyes softened, and her smile faded.

“I really like you too,” she breathed.

Kara wanted to smile, but the serious conviction in Lena’s eyes made her believe that maybe that wasn’t the time for smiles.

It was more serious than that.

“Kara?” Lena started.

“Yeah?”

Lena waited, before shaking her head slightly. “Never mind.”

Kara felt a deep yearning to know exactly what Lena had wanted to say to her in that moment. But Lena didn’t speak up, so Kara forced that urge down.

“Lena?” Kara whispered.

“Yes, Kara?”

“I’m really glad I’m here with you right now.”

“Because you’re not alone and frightened now?”

“No,” Kara frowned. “Well I mean, yes. I feel much better not being my own and all that. But, that’s not what I meant.”

The look in Lena’s eyes sharpened. Her breathing was just a tad heavier. Her eyes stayed on Kara, even when the latter looked away.

“I don’t think I’d want to be anywhere else right now. I don’t want to be with anyone else today.”

Lena didn’t say a word.

“But Lena,” Kara whispered. “I don’t think I ever want to be without you. I don’t want to be anywhere that isn’t where you are. I think I just want to be with you,” Kara breathed. “All the time.”

There was a beat of silence, where Kara cast her eyes down, too afraid of what she might see in Lena’s eyes. Repulsion, disgust, awkwardness, confusion.

But when she looked up, she saw none of those things.

Instead, she saw the same burning intensity she saw earlier, only right now the small flame had transformed into a blazing wildfire.

It made Kara’s throat dry, and she opened her mouth slightly, breathing heavily.

It was almost like she expected something to happen. Something unbelievable. As if Lena’s eyes betrayed her intent.

One second Kara was trapped in Lena’s gaze, and the next she saw Lena move closer, so close that their foreheads touched.

She could feel Lena’s warm, minty fresh breath on her lips. She could feel the cold tip of Lena’s nose bump her own. Kara’s hand was trapped between their bodies, and she felt Lena’s collar bone press against the back of her fingers.

“Kara,” Lena breathed.

“Lena,” Kara whispered back.

She could feel the heat of their breaths mingle. So close. So close.”

“Tell me to stop,” Lena breathed.

Kara couldn’t. So she tilted her chin upwards just the tiniest bit, and then their lips touched.

Lena’s lips were warm, and inexplicably soft. Just that brush of their lips together was enough for Kara to disregard all other lips she’d ever touched, because surely, they all paled in comparison to Lena Luthor.

Lena released a shuddering breath, and then she pressed closer, kissing Kara.

She didn’t kiss fast or hurried, like many kisses Kara had shared in her lifetime. But she did kiss her with power, with force. She brought her hand to Kara’s jaw, and gripped her like she would pull away in a second.

Kara couldn’t pull away from Lena’s kiss if she wanted to.

Lena’s other hand tugged on Kara’s pajama T-shirt, gripping it with a fist so tight, Kara just knew her knuckles would be white and tense when she looked down.

Like she could ever break this kiss to open her eyes again.

Lena kissed her, never breaking contact. She moved her lips like kissing Kara was all she had ever wanted to do. Like she could never let go again. Like she was scared that Kara would disappear in a cloud of smoke if they ever separatated. Like gripping her tightly, kissing her with a force that could leave bruises in its wake, would somehow ensure that she was real.

That it was real.

“Kara,” Lena whispered breathlessly against her lips, after she finally had to break their kiss.

Kara opened her eyes to find that Lena’s were still closed.

“Yes, Lena?” Kara breathed.

She felt like she’d run a marathon, flown around the world ten times and fought a dozen Reigns all at the same time.

She was exhausted and giddy and just – _wow!_ Completely submerged in Lena.

“I don’t ever want you to leave either,” Lena whispered.

“Then I won’t leave,” Kara said simply, still a little dazed from the overwhelming notion that Lena had just kissed her.

Lena opened her eyes, and Kara was surprised to find a shine in them.

“That’s the thing though,” Lena whispered hoarsely. “You can’t promise me that. Not after what I’ve seen today.”

Kara thought back to her memories involving Red Daughter and Reign. And Alex.

“That’s, I mean… I don’t know. You’re right I guess,” she whispered. “But I always try. I always plan to come home. Even on dangerous missions, I promise Alex I’ll watch a movie with her later that night. I promise to come home. I-it’s silly,” she blushed, “but it’s all I can do. I always promise.”

“I just don’t want to lose you,” Lena said, stroking the soft skin of Kara’s cheek. “I don’t think I could – I could manage. I don’t think – just the thought I – ”

She took a deep breath before she was able to continue again. She looked in Kara’s eyes, before letting her gaze drift over Kara’s face, over her hair. Lena let her hands follow the waves of Kara’s blonde hair, seeming almost mesmerized by the look and the feel of it all.

“I can’t believe I already lost you. Twice. And I never even knew.”

A wave of guilt bubble up inside Kara.

“Lena, I wanted to tell you – ”

“I’m not mad about that. I mean,” she corrected herself, “I was, but that’s not what I’m saying.”

Her eyes met Kara’s again, and they flickered with something so beautiful and indescribable that it took Kara’s breath away.

“I don’t – I can’t. I don’t know,” she muttered. “I just know that it hurt so bad to see – _hurts_ so bad to know that you were gone even if it was for mere seconds.”

“Lena – ”

“I keep thinking what the world would be like without you. What it would be like to walk down the street knowing you’re not somewhere on that same globe. That you’re not – ”

She swallowed hard.

“That I wouldn’t get to see you again. That no one would. That the world would be deprived of Kara Danvers.”

Kara didn’t know what to say. All she could do was move a little closer still. She tucked her head against Lena’s chest for a bit, nosing the skin between her neck and jawline.

Lena relaxed only slightly, running a hand through Kara’s hair.

“The world needs a Kara Danvers,” Lena mused softly, and Kara smiled against Lena’s neck. “And I need you.”

When Kara leaned back, albeit a little reluctantly at the idea of having to leave that little comfortable spot in the nook of Lena’s neck so she could look at Lena again, the other woman was still staring intensely at her.

Kara waited for Lena to speak. She waited for Lena to find her words.

“It can’t happen again,” Lena whispered after a beat. “ _I_ won’t let it happen.”

Lena’s assuredness was so fiery, so headstrong that Kara couldn’t help but agree. She didn’t have the heart to tell Lena that she tried day after day, but that some days were closer hits than others. That she had been ready to die at twelve years old, and that during each fight she had to whisper a silent prayer to Rao to let her fight another day. For her family. For Alex. For Eliza. For her mother. And for Lena.

She nodded under Lena’s watchful eye.

Lena’s gaze softened a little at Kara’s demure expression.

“What are we going to do?” Lena wondered out loud, almost like a prayer.

Kara thought on it.

“Stay right here in this bed for the rest of our lives?” she suggested.

Lena’s lips quirked up into a tiny smile for a fraction of a second before reality set back in. Lena worried, and bit her lip.

Kara didn’t want her to press too hard and make it bleed, so she leaned in, and brushed Lena’s lips lightly with hers again. It wasn’t a kiss per se, but it was the closest, most intimate gesture Kara could imagine.

Then, when she felt no resistance, she did kiss Lena. Softly, swiftly, before retreating back.

Lena looked at her with an indescribable expression on her face.

“I know what we should do,” Kara whispered lovingly, reverently.

“What?” Lena asked, eyes flicking between Kara’s lips and eyes.

“You should kiss me again,” Kara breathed.

Lena obeyed with a smile.

She brought her hand to Kara’s jaw again, and gently pulled her close, kissing her once, twice, thrice… She placed tiny butterfly kisses on Kara’s lips, over and over, until Kara felt dizzy with love and affection.

And just when she was the most dazed, the most confused and overwhelmed by everything _Lena_ , the woman pulled back.

“Stay with me,” Lena said heatedly. “Stay with me, now and always.”

Kara was intoxicated by Lena’s every being, so she couldn’t help but nod.

“Always,” she whispered.

Lena shot her a shaky smile before kissing her again. This time, her hand drifted to Kara’s back, and she pulled the woman in an embrace.

“Kara,” she whispered reverently, the smile softening the syllables somehow, making it the most beautiful pronunciation of her name Kara had ever heard. “Kara.”

Kara smiled back.

“Lena,” she whispered, “my Lena.” And Lena let out a short breathless little laugh.

Kara kissed her right on those open lips, bumping against teeth, cheeks and a chin, but not caring anyway.

Because Lena kissed her back and pulled her closer than Kara had ever been close to anyone before.

Every part of Kara, from her feet to her hips to her lips, was connected to Lena. Attached to Lena. Glued to Lena.

She and Lena seemed to have become one singular organism, moving in a motion of kisses and hugs, and Kara wouldn’t have it any other way.

She felt whole.

She wasn’t scared or different anymore. She wasn’t that alien, or that Kryptonian. Neither was Lena just a human or a Luthor. They weren’t any of that. They were Lena and Kara, and they were together.

They were whole.

* * *

Kara woke up the next morning without Lena.

Lena had already rushed to work, and had left a note telling Kara where she could find a neatly folded stack of clothes to wear to work, and a healthy breakfast waiting for her.

In the light of day, sitting up straight in Lena’s gigantic bed with the white paper note in her hands, Kara suddenly felt the chill of reality set back in.

Alex would be furious if she found out about Lena and Kara’s casual disregard for the rules they’d set up. She would be livid that not only did Lena follow her supposed hated best friend home, she also allowed said hated ex-best friend to, in turn, go home with her.

Yeah, that wouldn’t go over well.

But still, Kara couldn’t let the negatives outweigh the positives.

Because Lena had kissed her.

She and Lena had kissed.

And not just once. It wasn’t just an accidental bumping of lips, no. It was a real kiss. A romantic kiss. Kisses, even. Plural.

They were friends. Best friends. Friends aren’t supposed to kiss friends. It wasn’t a custom. Alex had explained that to her years ago. There was romantic love and platonic love, and the latter l

And yet.

Lena had defied all the rules they’d set up to avoid Lex Luthor finding out about what they were doing, just so she could be with Kara when she needed her.

A smile spread out over Kara’s face.

Lena had dropped everything to be with her, and then they’d kissed.

And it had been wonderful.

Kara got giddy just thinking back to the feel of Lena’s lips on hers.

She brought her hand up to her mouth, and felt the corner of it quirk up. Lena Luthor had kissed her, and it had been the best kiss she’d ever had. The best kisses, she’d ever had.

Blushing a bit, Kara stood up and got dressed, feeling lighter than she had in ages.

* * *

In the middle of the day, mid-flight, Kara was stopped by a phonecall.

“Kelly?” she asked. “Is everything okay?”

 _“Yes, yes, I’m fine, Alex is fine. I just, ehm, I need to ask you something unpleasant,”_ Kelly said apologetically.

Kara’s stomach turned uncomfortably.

“Yes?”

_“In the list of possible memories you gave us, there’s one thing we haven’t explored yet.”_

“Which is?”

_“You and Superman. You guys talked about Lex.”_

“You want that memory,” Kara clarified.

_“I know it’s a lot to ask, Kara, but it would help us out so much. We’ve been puzzling the pieces of your memories together, and we’ve got a pretty solid view so far. But some interactions with Superman would help us a great deal.”_

“I understand,” Kara said calmly. “It’s just the one memory, right?”

“ _Yes,”_ Kelly said relieved _. “Yes, after that, you’d be done.”_

Kara forced a smile. “Then count me in.”

 _“You’re a lifesaver,”_ Kelly smiled. _“I’ll see you tonight in Lena’s lab then?”_

“Yes, you will,” Kara replied, already giddy at the notion of seeing Lena again so soon. “I’ll be there.”

* * *

Supergirl was invited to attend the city’s celebration of the D.E.O’s accomplishments over the last couple of months. Crime had gone down, accidents were easily avoided, and mortality was at an all-time low, since Supergirl excelled in her role as an ambulance replacement.

The city wanted to thank them by bestowing some kind of award on Lex – _gross_ – and by organizing a photo-op with the city’s hero.

Lena wasn’t there, Kara noted in equal parts relief and disappointment. It was probably better for them not to be seen together, as Kara wasn’t sure just how good of an actress she was around her best friend. Lover? Anyway, she’d see her that night, so it wasn’t like she would miss Lena an incredible amount, but still. Any event without Lena was just a missed opportunity in Kara’s mind.

Without Lena to represent the D.E.O, there was just Lex, who had all but demanded Kara show up with him to show their ‘unity.’ Which was basically an excuse for him to show off his power over her. To show everyone who Supergirl belonged to.

But truthfully, Kara didn’t feel as disgusted and cheap as she had just weeks before. Now, she could look at him and feel the grim satisfaction of knowing they were on the brink of bringing him down. He would only get to enjoy so many days in the sun before the whole world would know just what kind of a man he was.

And Kara was relishing in that feeling.

So when Lex beckoned her, she came.

Kara showed up with a big smile, and greeted all the little children clad in their little Supergirl costumes, shaking hands, giving out hugs and just generally making sure they all had a good time. She smiled in front of the camera’s, even when Lex jovially put his hand on her shoulder when talking to the mayor.

She didn’t even clench her jaw.

It was easier to pretend not to be in her own body, and just to let it do its job of smiling, waving and exchanging nonsensical small-talk, than to be too aware just who was standing so close to her, trying to control her.

There was however, a brief moment near the end of the photo-up, so close to the end of the ceremony, where Kara’s heart stilled just a little.

She and Lex were posing with some children in front of them, flanked on either side by firemen and women, proudly sporting their yellow gear.

Kara was grinning broadly, turning her head towards the many different cameras, as people from left and right screamed at her to smile, grin, whatever. She just tried to give them all a good, valuable shot they could use in their magazines tomorrow.

She recognized Rex from CatCo, so she made sure to smile extra-brightly in his direction.

But in the midst of all those flashes, all the yelling and the commotion, she didn’t immediately notice Lex lean in, until she felt his warm breath near her ear.

“You’re in a good mood today, Supergirl,” he smiled, still staring ahead into the cameras.

Kara stiffened, but didn’t let it affect her smile. She was surrounded by so many people. One flicker in her eyes and everyone would notice something was wrong. She’d wake up the following morning to about a dozen articles speculating about her mood.

She couldn’t have that.

“Just doing my part for the city,” she gritted out through a toothy grin.

Lex laughed huskily.

“Yes, your commitment to the business is commendable.”

Kara laughed at one of the interviewers, who loudly proclaimed their love for her.

“It’s not commitment to Luthor-Corp, it’s commitment to the people of National City.”

She motioned with her chin to the children in front of them.

“To the new generation of Supergirls.”

Lex laughed. “Well that certainly sounds very on-brand for you, Supergirl. And might I add,”

He stepped closer, and Kara shivered when she could just feel his body so close to her own. His breath was disgustingly warm on her neck, and she had to fight the urge to fly away as fast as she could to get away from him.

Instead she stayed.

“I just wanted to compliment you on the perfume you’re wearing.”

Kara frowned. She didn’t remember putting on perfume this morning.

“If I’m not mistaken, and I rarely am – ”

Kara resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

“ – you’re wearing a mixture of rose, ylang-ylang, jasmine, lily of the valley and iris - layered over a warm, woody base of vetiver, sandalwood, vanilla, amber and patchouli.”

Kara got more confused by the second. She could barely name five of those scents, and she was pretty sure she hadn’t rolled around in any flower fields in the past five hours. So what in the name –

“You’re wearing the Chanel N°5 perfume. An excellent choice,” he added, “Lena’s favorite.”

Kara stiffened.

“I think she’s worn that one since our father gave it to her on her seventeenth birthday. In fact,” he whispered, “I don’t think she’s worn another one since. She’s worn it so often her room in the Luthor mansion still smells like rose, jasmine, vanilla and sandalwood.”

Lena’s room.

Lena’s bed.

Lena’s pajamas.

Lena’s kisses.

Kara smelled like Lena.

Kara’s entire being had been soaked in by Lena’s presence. She’d been enveloped completely by everything Lena, and now it had given her away.

“Yeah,” Kara said weakly, “I think she gave me that one for my birthday some time ago. As a present.”

“I see,” Lex said. “How very kind of her.”

“Yeah,” Kara said, “really kind.”

* * *

“Wait, wait, wait. So do you think he suspects anything?”

“I don’t know!” Kara exclaimed. “All he really did was make some vague comment about my scent.”

“Man that guy’s a creep,” Alex muttered.

“It seems to me you fooled him. You had a valid excuse ready,” Kelly assuaged. “He has no reason to suspect you.”

“Yeah,” Kara said, feeling uneasy, “but it’s just… the way he said it… I don’t know, it just gave me the creeps.”

“What I don’t understand, is why you would be so reckless as to go home with Lena,” Alex said folding her arms over her chest. “I mean, what were you thinking, Kara? This isn’t a joke!”

“I know that!” Kara yelled.

“Well then why did you go there in the first place?” Alex yelled back.

“Okay,” Kelly intervened. “It doesn’t matter. What’s done is done. Yelling at each other won’t help us now.”

Alex looked like she was ready to prove the contrary, but even she was slightly abated by Kelly.

“We only need to do this one more time and then we’re done. We could expose Lex tomorrow if we work through the night.”

She looked between the two sisters.

“If we work hard, and don’t turn on each other,” she glared at Alex, “we should be ready in time. We could all be free of this nightmare. So can we please move on?”

“Fine,” Kara mumbled.

“Fine,” Alex grumbled.

“Great,” Kelly sighed, “then let’s get to Lena and move on.”

Kara’s heart did a little summersault at the mention of Lena’s name.

She would see Lena again in a minute, in mere seconds! They would open the door to the lab and she would be there! Her Lena, the one who’d kissed her breath away, and who’d held her so close Kara thought she would drown in her.

Lena.

Kara almost skipped ahead to the door leading up to the lab, hurried and excited and overwhelmed, but so, _so_ ready.

She pushed the door open, walked into the lab, let her eyes fall on Lena and then…

She stopped.

Lena looked miserable.

She was pale, there were dark circles under her eyes, and from the state of her rumpled clothing and labcoat, it seemed like she’d spent her entire day cooped up in the lab.

“Lena?” Kara asked carefully.

Lena looked up.

“Kara,” she said. “Good, you’re here. We can start.”

Kara looked behind her and saw that Kelly and Alex were going over some of Kara’s stats from the night before, so they weren’t listening in on Lena and Kara’s conversation.

Kara closed the door behind her, and walked up to Lena.

“Lena?” she asked. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

She brought her hand up to cover Lena’s own, but Lena jerked her hand away.

Kara’s eyes widened, and for a second she was so stuck in her astonishment and surprise, that the hurt and the rejection hadn’t set in yet.

“I’m fine,” Lena said quickly. “Can you start setting up yourself? You know the drill right?”

“I – I do,” Kara said confused.

“Great,” Lena said, already moving away to a different part of the room.

Dazed and confused, Kara pulled off her T-shirt and went to sit down on the examination chair. She reached for the stickers linked up to the monitor and applied them to her chest and sides.

Kara didn’t understand what was going on with Lena at all. Lena looked exhausted and pained. She didn’t look angry, and Kara couldn’t imagine having done anything wrong, unless maybe she’d snored so loud that night that she’d prevented Lena from getting a full eight hours of sleep.

Maybe –

Lena walked up to her and turned the machine on, adjusting settings and various functions Kara didn’t understand.

“Lena?” Kara asked.

Lena hummed in response but didn’t look at Kara.

Kara felt like someone punched her in the stomach.

Hours ago, Lena had been kissing her. Hours ago, Lena had tucked her hair behind her ears. Hours ago, Lena had smiled at her like she was the most beautiful and precious thing in the world.

And now she wouldn’t even look at her anymore.

Something had to have happened that day that could explain Lena’s behavior. Something must’ve upset her. It had to. Suddenly –

“Is this because of Lex?” Kara asked suddenly.

Lena swirled around, her eyes big and worried.

“No? What the hell happened with Lex? Did he say anything? Did he threaten you? Does he know?”

Kara was overwhelmed by the sudden onslaught of questions but did her best to calm Lena down.

“Nothing really happened,” Kara explained.

“Don’t tell me nothing happened!” Lena exclaimed. “Something clearly happened, what is it!”

“Nothing!” Kara said. “Nothing, really! He just made some vague comments, is all.”

The look in Lena’s eyes sharpened.

“What vague comment? Where, when?”

“At the photo-op, this afternoon,” Kara explained. “Lex said something about my perfume.”

Lena’s brow furrowed.

“Your perfume? What – ”

She took a step closer to Kara and leaned down close enough for Kara’s cheek to flush instantly.

She felt Lena inhale the air close to Kara’s hair and neck, and a tingle ran down her spine at the sensation.

“But you just smell like – ”

She stiffened.

“He guessed my perfume.”

“He did.”

Lena closed and started muttering. Kara got confused for a second before Lena swore loudly, and startled her.

“Goddamn it!” Lena yelled “I knew this was a mistake. Goddamn, how could I have been so fucking stupid?”

“Wait,” Kara said confused – and slightly hurt. “What do you mean this was a mistake.”

Lena sighed before running a hand through her hair.

“Did I do something wrong, Lena?” Kara asked.

“No,” Lena said, but she wasn’t looking at her. “No you didn’t do something wrong. I did.”

“What?” Kara asked.

“I shouldn’t have taken you to my bedroom. And I shouldn’t have kissed you. It wasn’t fair to you. To either of us.”

And there it was.

The sudden weight of the admission she wasn’t expecting hit Kara harder than she thought it would.

She sort of felt like she was high, or underwater, or both. Everything was happening so slowly around her, and her head felt light and airy.

This couldn’t be.

“B-but, why?” Kara heard herself ask.

Lena sighed. “You were in a terrible place last night, Kara. And I took advantage of that. I kissed you.”

“But I wanted – ”

“You were incredibly sad and traumatized, Kara,” Lena disregarded her explanation. “I couldn’t possibly have accepted your compliance as consent. I was in the wrong, and now Lex is onto us and it’s all just,” she shook her head. “It’s all just one big disaster.”

 _Disaster_.

Kara let the world roll around in her head for a bit.

Disaster.

Lena thought the night was a disaster. That the kiss was a disaster.

“No,” she muttered.

“What?” Lena asked.

“No,” Kara insisted, looking at Lena. “It wasn’t a disaster. Our kiss wasn’t a disaster. It was the best kiss I’d had – maybe ever!”

“Kara – ”

“No!” Kara said forcibly. “No, you don’t get to ruin that kiss for me. I know what I was thinking then. I know what I’m thinking now. I loved that kiss, Lena. I loved – and I don’t care that it happened after a horrible evening, because I felt happier than I’ve had in ages. Because you kissed me,” she insisted. “Because we kissed, and I loved it. Our kiss – it meant the world to me. So, if you want to back out now, and say you didn’t like it, that’s your right. You are under no obligation to feel the same way I do. But you don’t get to ruin the most perfect moment I’ve had in ages for me. You don’t have the right to do that, no matter how much of a disaster _you_ think it was. Because to me – it was perfect.”

Kara was practically panting by the end of her speech.

“You didn’t do anything I didn’t want,” she added, a lot softer. “And if that’s what’s eating you up, all I can do is tell you that. That you didn’t overstep. That your kisses were welcomed. That it felt _good_.”

She looked at Lena with the last bit of bravery she still had left inside of her.

Lena looked pale. Her eyes were just the tiniest bit glossy. Her mouth was opened slightly, like she wanted to say something, but didn’t know what.

Kara didn’t care. She assumed that whatever Lena wanted to say wasn’t something she wanted to hear anyway.

Kara turned away and bit back her tears. This didn’t change anything. This was fine. Everything was f-

“I didn’t think our kiss was a disaster,” she heard Lena whisper.

Kara turned her head slightly.

“You didn’t?”

“Not even a little bit. Not after hearing you say you wanted it.”

“I did,” Kara licked her lips.

She turned her head completely and stared into Lena’s eyes.

“I didn’t take advantage of you?” Lena asked, her voice fragile, like she was afraid of the answer.

Kara shook her head slowly.

“But if that’s your version of taking advantage of me, I wish you’d done it sooner,” Kara whispered. “Because I wish we could’ve done that ages ago.”

Lena’s mouth quirked into a shaky smile.

“Yeah me too.”

“Is this why you look so tired?” Kara asked.

“Well hey,” Lena quirked an eyebrow, “you sure know how to make a girl feel special.”

Kara smiled back, tentatively.

Lena sighed. “I didn’t want to be the reason you felt worse. I didn’t want to hurt you any more than you already are.”

“I’m okay, Lena,” Kara whispered. “Even better after last night.”

“Really?” Lena asked hopefully.

Kara nodded. “The only thing that could’ve made it better is if you were there in the morning. I missed you then.”

Lena cracked a small smile.

“Trust me,” she said softly. “There is nothing I wanted more than to stay with you.”

Kara blushed.

She tilted her head up. “If I kissed you again, would you yell at me again tomorrow?”

A smile spread over Lena’s face.

“I wouldn’t be so stupid to make the same mistake twice,” she said.

Lena stepped closer, and Kara sat up, her entire body flaring up with the need to feel Lena again. To kiss Lena again. To touch Lena again. To –

“Okay,” Kelly walked in, “I think we’ve got it.”

Lena stood up so suddenly, Kara could still feel the whoosh of Lena’s hair sweeping through the air.

Kara groaned and let her head fall back against the headrest of the chair.

Lena chuckled and patted Kara’s hand. Her eyes shone mischievously, and Kara hoped that maybe there was a promise there, that maybe their moment would be continued later on.

She sure hoped so.

“Ready for the sunlamps, Kara?” Kelly asked.

“Ready,” Kara smiled, and for once, the nervousness associated with everything to do with the process just wasn’t really there.

Because Lena was smiling at her exactly how Kara had imagined she would when she woke up that moment.

Like it was the beginning of something.

“You seem chipper today,” Kelly noted with a smile as the red sunlamps powered on.

Kara swallowed the nausea that came with the filtered light.

“Just slept well is all,” she smiled.

She heard Lena chuckle before the woman moved to somewhere else in the room, trying not to give herself away.

Kelly looked between the two of them and smirked.

“I bet,” she said with a wink, and Kara blushed.

Man, Kelly really caught everything. No wonder she was such a great psychologist.

“So,” J’onn walked into the room, and Kara knew they were ready to set up business. “You okay to start, Kara?”

Kara swallowed her nerves.

“I am,” she said, as confident as she could be.

“Okay,” Kelly said, “I’ll be with you the entire time, again.”

Kara nodded gratefully.

“So will I,” Alex said, coming into the lab. “Nia and Brainy are keeping watch in the other room.”

Kara looked through the glass and saw Nia wave enthusiastically in her direction. She smiled and waved back.

“And since it’s my lab, you know, I’m staying too,” Lena added.

Kara smiled.

“Okay,” she said, “then let’s do this.”

She heard J’onn mumble, felt Kelly’s hand on hers, while Alex’ covered the other.

“Close your eyes, Kara,” she heard them say, but she’d already done so.

She knew the drill.

“Close your eyes. Remember.”

_“So is he going to come after you again?”_

* * *

They were sitting against her bedroom wall in silence.

He’d flown in some time ago, and after a quick conversation with Eliza, they’d agreed that the two cousins needed to talk for a bit.

Eliza and Alex had given them the privacy of the girls’ bedroom, where they still hadn’t said much, despite all the encouragement Eliza had given them. Even in the form of cookies and milk, which was still standing untouched on one of the lower bookcases.

They looked a bit silly as a pair.

Kara in her tight jeans, her striped T-shirt and her navy sweater. Kal in his dark blue imposing suit with their family’s crest and his equally imposing red cape.

They didn’t really fit together. And he didn’t fit in her room against the minty walls and pink throw pillows.

He looked like a displaced action figure.

He didn’t belong in a teenager’s bedroom at all. And he seemed aware of it, because he awkwardly looked around the room, trying to say something positive to break the ice.

“I, eh, like your poster,” he said.

Kara looked up to find him staring at Joan Jett’s poster.

“That’s Alex,’” she said.

“Oh.”

He paused.

“Well I like that one too,” he said.

He pointed at her NSYNC poster.

“Thanks,” she muttered.

“That one’s yours, right?”

“It is.”

“Is that eh, a new movie you like?” he asked.

“No,” she said. “It’s a band. They’re musicians.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“And you, eh, enjoy their songs? Anything I should listen to? Any concerts I could attend?”

Kara looked at him.

“They broke up in 2002.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

There was a beat of awkward silence between them, before Kal sighed deeply, and ran a hand through his short dark, always impeccably styled hair.

“I’m guessing you have some questions for me,” he said, cutting to the chase.

He’d never been good at making small talk with her. If the world wasn’t ending, or her life wasn’t in danger, he seriously had trouble coming up with stuff to talk about.

“Some,” Kara replied.

Kal nodded.

“Do you want to know how I survived?”

To her own surprise, Kara shook her head.

“You don’t want to know?” Kal asked softly, sounding equally surprised.

Kara shrugged. “I don’t think it matters.”

“Okay,” he said. “Then what can I tell you?”

Kara paused.

“Is he going to come after you again?”

“Lex?”

Kara nodded, eyes trained on the bed in front of her.

“Not for some time,” Kal said. “He’s been arrested. He’ll be put on trial – do you know what that is?”

“Of course I do,” Kara said in a monotone voice. “My mother was a judge.”

“Ah,” he said awkwardly, “of course.”

“So he’ll be punished? He’ll be sent away? Somewhere he can’t hurt you again?”

“That’s the hope,” Kal said. “He’s got some good lawyers working for him, and he’s a really sneaky guy, but I don’t think he’ll get out from under this one so easily.”

“You said last time that he was too smart to get caught. That he’s done a lot of bad things and got away with them.”

“I did,” Kal said, “and I meant it. Lex has been moving within the confines of the law. He’s been saying some really awful things about aliens, and how they’re no good – ”

Kara remembered his angry face on the television. She couldn’t reconcile that angry face with the face of the man who killed her cousin live on TV years later.

“ – but unfortunately, that is perfectly legal. Up till now, Lex has been smart about which people he socializes with, and what kind of things he’s allowed to do,” Kal explained. “But this time – I mean… He hurt me, Superman, on national television. There’s no running away from that. He can explain it all he wants, but ultimately, everyone agrees he went too far. Everyone saw what he did.”

“So you’re safe.”

Kal’s voice softened considerably. “I’m safe, Kara. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“You can’t say that,” Kara said.

“How so?”

He was looking in her direction, she knew, but she still couldn’t look at him.

“You were gone,” she said, staring ahead. “You were gone, so I did have reason to worry. Even when you said I didn’t.”

“But I wasn’t really gone,” Kal said gently. “Only a little bit. Only for a little while.”

“A lot of people are gone for good. They’re not gone just for a little while. They’re dead, and they stay dead.”

Kal sighed again. “I know. Trust me, I know. It sucks.”

Kara’s eyes widened when she heard her almighty cousin utter that word. She turned to him in disbelief.

“Eliza says ‘suck’ isn’t a good word,” she frowned.

“Well, she’s right,” her cousin nudged her shoulder with a smile. “But sometimes the occasion calls for it.”

Kara smiled slightly.

“It sucks that a lot of people are gone for good, and not just gone for a little while,” she repeated.

“It sucks big time,” Kal said, and Kara giggled.

Kal grinned at the reaction.

“Hey,” he said, changing the subject. “Eliza tells me you and Alex are getting on better. That’s really great,” he smiled.

“Yeah,” Kara smiled. “You were right. She might not be so bad after all. She took me to get icecream yesterday.”

Kal playfully nudged her shoulder.

“Icecream? That’s great! She sounds great! See? I told you to give her a chance.”

Kara rolled her eyes and Kal laughed.

“But seriously though, how did that happen? You and Alex suddenly so close? Did a miracle take place in Midvale that I didn’t know about?”

Kara smile dimmed and she cast her eyes down.

“It was after Kenny.”

“Kenny?”

“The boy I emailed you about. My friend.”

Realization dawned in her cousin’s blue eyes.

“Ah, right,” Kal said, “Eliza told me what happened.”

“Alex helped me find out what happened to him. She helped me catch the man responsible.”

“Right,” Kal said gravely. “The police officer.”

“Yeah. He hurt Kenny,” Kara whispered. “So now Kenny’s gone too,” Kara whispered, “but not just for a little while either.”

Kal was quiet for a bit.

“It must’ve been hard for you, to lose your friend, and then to think you lost me not too long after that.”

Kara shrugged.

“I’m used to it. People don’t tend to stick in my life a long time.”

“Kara – ”

“It’s just that he was my friend,” Kara said, shrugging off his pity. “He was my only friend. And he’s gone too.”

Kal put a strong hand on her shoulder.

“I’m sure you’ll have others, Kara. Many, many friends, who’ll love you just for who you are. They’ll come into your life when you least expect it, I promise you.”

Kara felt a lone tear run down her cheek.

And then the memory morphed.

“ _Kara?”_

Kara was somewhere hot, and steamy.

She was buried under piles of blankets and pillows, panting for breath. Heat burned under her skin, and made Kara feel like someone had set her on fire. Her head throbbed painfully, her stomach was turning, and she felt like her lungs had to work twice as hard as usual to get some oxygen.

The world around her was spinning slowly. Red light streamed through cracks in her curtains, and bade the room in a dark, scarlet glow.

The images around her were vague, covered in a dark haze. She could only barely make out her mother, bent over her.

“Kara, can you hear me?” she asked, worry and pain in her voice.

Kara wanted to answer, she really did, but she could only groan and whimper. Her eyes kept falling shut, no matter how much she willed them to stay over.

But she could still hear though. Even if the sounds were sharp, painful and intrusive.

It was the last of her senses she could rely on.

“Zor-El, she’s getting worse! Her temperature is through the roof!”

“I know,” she heard her father’s voice say. “I know. I’m working on it, but I need more time!”

“She doesn’t have time!” her mother called out desperately. “I can barely control the fever, she won’t eat or drink, and she’s too weak to even crawl out of bed! At this rate she might not even make it through the night!”

“We can’t lose hope, Alura. Kara’s a fighter, she – ”

“It’s not about being a fighter! How many children have died in Argo alone from this fever? A hundred? Two hundred?”

“Alura – ”

“I will _not_ lose my daughter, Zor-El. I will not, you hear me? I won’t let her go. I won’t let it take her!”

Zor-El sighed, and Kara wanted to call out for him, so he could sit with her and talk to her about what he was doing down in the lab.

She hadn’t seen him in days, not since the fever had spiked.

He’d been holed up in his lab with a team of trusted scientists, working day and night to find a cure for the illness that was sweeping the streets of Argo and Krypton.

But Kara wished he would take a break to sit with her.

She missed him.

She tried to call for him again, but only a weak, anguished whimper passed her lips.

Her mother immediately rushed to get closer, taking a hold of Kara’s hand, while her other hand ran through Kara’s bangs, wiping the sweat from her damp forehead.

“Shh, baby,” she soothed, “it’s okay. It’s okay, my Kara.”

Kara tried to pronounce her father’s name, but again, a mix between a grunt and a whimper was all she could produce.

Kara felt the desperation and the powerlessness overwhelm her, and she whimpered pitifully.

“I’ll go back to the lab,” Zor-El said, sounding resigned.

“Don’t you dare come back before you have a cure,” Kara heard her mother say, her voice tough as steel. “Don’t come back unless you have something to save her. You have to.”

Her father sighed, before Kara heard him walk out the door.

No, she wanted to yell. Daddy stay! But nothing came out.

“Kara,” her mother’s voice broke. “Kara, can you hear me?”

Yes, Kara wanted to say. Yes, I’m right here and I can hear you. Tell him to come back, please!

But her body was too weak to obey her right now.

“You have to hold on a little longer, Kara,” her mother whispered. “Just a little while longer. Your father is working so hard, Kara. So hard, just to save you. He won’t stop until he’s found something. And he will, you know he will. But you have to help him, Kara. You have to hold on a little longer.”

Kara’s lungs rasped painfully, and the sound was horrifying in and on itself.

“Just a little while longer, Kara,” her mother pleaded. “Please, baby,” her voice cracked again, and she brought Kara’s tiny, hot hand to her mouth.

“Please hold on. You can do it. I know you can.”

I will, Kara tried to say, I’m trying.

She felt her mother’s cool lips press fluttering kisses to her knuckles.

“My Kara. My sweet, beloved Kara.”

 _Ieiu_.

“Just a little longer, baby. You can’t go yet.”

Kara made another rasping sound, and she felt wet tears against her fingers. Her ieiu was crying. Her mother’s kisses became more desperate, more pressing.

“Kara, there’s so much more to see, so much more I have to show you. There’s so much more for you to discover. You have to hold on a little longer, baby. It’s all up to you.”

Kara’s eyes flickered open for a second, and she saw her mother. She was bent over the bed, rocking slightly, tears steadily rolling down her cheeks, as she held Kara’s hand to her lips like a lifeline. Her eyes were closed, as she mumbled sounds Kara couldn’t make out against her knuckles, like a prayer.

Kara’s eyes fell shut again, before her mother could even make eye-contact with her.

“Don’t let go, Kara,” her mother whispered again. “Not yet, please not yet. Think of all the things you’ve yet to see. All the people you’ve yet to meet. All the friends you’ve yet to discover. There’s a whole world out there, my Kara. All for you,” she cried softly. “All for you.”

Kara wanted to hold on her mother’s voice. She wanted to stay awake, and to do what her mother asked from her. She wanted to hold on.

But she was so tired. And the darkness weighed so heavily on her.

“Just think of all the good things still to come, my Kara. There are so many people waiting for you. You just don’t know it yet. The world is waiting for you, Kara. Just hold on,” she cried. “Just hold on.”

And then Kara drifted off into a fever dream again.

And the memory changed again.

Kara was sitting in her room, on the bed, knees up to her chin, and her arms wrapped around her legs.

A soft knock on the door announced Eliza’s arrival.

“Kara?” she heard someone say softly.

“Come in,” Kara said hoarsely.

The door opened, and Eliza walked in, clad in an elegant black dress. She stopped a few paces from the door, looking at her daughter.

“How are you holding up?” Eliza asked softly.

Kara shrugged, but the question made the tears so close to the surface rise to her eyes.

“Do we have to go to the funeral now?” she asked, sounding hollow and detached.

Eliza didn’t answer her question. Instead she asked: “Can I join you?”

Kara shrugged again, but wished she was able to say something like the desperate ‘yes please,’ she actually wanted to express.

Luckily for her, Eliza Danvers was the most wonderful person on the entire planet, and she took Kara’s shrug as a yes.

She went to sit down opposite Kara, and the mattress dipped a bit under her weight.

Kara didn’t look at her, but she could feel Eliza’s eyes on her, studying her.

“How are you feeling, baby?” she asked after a while.

Kara shrugged.

“Not great,” she whispered.

Eliza nodded.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Kara shrugged again.

The tears burned uncomfortably in her eyes.

“Do we have to go to the funeral now?” she asked again.

Eliza sighed. “It’s really up to you, Kara. I completely understand if you don’t want to go. And you don’t have to.”

Kara swallowed. “Are you going?”

“Yes,” Eliza said after a beat. “I think it’s important.”

“Why?”

“Because Kenny’s parents might need all the support they can get at a time like this.”

Kara paused.

“Do they need me to be there too?”

“Well,” Eliza said softly. “You were his friend.”

“His best friend,” Kara corrected, the tears burning a little more.

“His best friend,” Eliza agreed. “His very best friend. I think they’d be really happy to know that Kenny had such close, amazing friends who’d want to be with him, even in the most difficult of times.”

The words hit Kara in her core.

“But I want to be with him here. Not while he’s in a coffin.”

“I know, sweetheart,” Eliza said, inching just a little closer, putting a hand on Kara’s knee. “I know.”

“I don’t want him to be gone,” she said. “He was the best friend in the history of friends, and he’s dead.”

The treacherous tears fell then, and Kara covered her eyes with her hands.

“Oh sweetheart,” Eliza whispered, moving up to sit next to Kara, who let herself be pulled in her mom’s embrace.

Eliza let her cry for a bit, stroking her hair, and murmuring that it was okay, that it was okay to feel sad.

Kara was so incredibly grateful for Eliza’s existence then. She thanked all the stars, the moons, the planets and Rao that he had found this second family for her. That he found Eliza for her.

“Eliza?” Kara whimpered through her tears.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“I have to tell you a secret.”

Eliza rested her head on Kara’s.

“You can tell me anything, Kara, you know that.”

Kara waited a moment for her tears to subside just a little. Eliza patiently waited with her, stroking her hair softly.

“Kenny tried to kiss me,” Kara said after a beat. “And he saw me fly.”

She waited anxiously for Eliza’s outburst, but it never came. Instead, Eliza was still patiently waiting for Kara to continue her story, and made no sign of stopping her.

“He took a picture of the sky when I’d gone out flying,” Kara explained. “But he never said anything. He didn’t mind that I was an alien.”

“Kenny was a very good boy,” Eliza said then, when she noticed Kara was waiting for an answer. “It doesn’t surprise me that he would be kind to anyone who’s a little different.”

Kara felt a tear run down her cheek.

“He was really good. The best,” Kara said. “So I don’t understand.”

“Understand what?”

“He tried to kiss me,” Kara said. “And I didn’t kiss him back.”

Eliza paused. “Did he get angry with you?”

Kara shook her head and cried into Eliza’s shoulder.

“No. He didn’t. He was nice about it. He always was. He was my best friend, and he let me stay his best friend.”

“Oh, Kara.”

“I don’t ever want to have friends again,” Kara cried. “Not if it hurts like this every time.”

“Kara,” Eliza said softly.

“It hurts,” Kara cried. “It hurts so bad.”

“I know it does, sweetheart,” Eliza said softly. “I know. It’s not fair. It’s not fair at all.”

Kara shook her head.

“But sweetheart,” she said, “it won’t always hurt so bad, having friends. In fact, most of the time, it won’t hurt at all.”

“But it hurts now. Having friends hurts now.”

“I know,” Eliza whispered, pulling Kara close. “But it won’t always. I promise.”

Kara let Eliza’s words sink in as her sobs subsided, and the last of her tears rolled down her cheeks.

“It won’t always hurt?” she asked, her voice so fragile and vulnerable, Eliza couldn’t help but kiss Kara’s temple.

“It won’t. I promise.”

Kara believed her.

She looked at Alex’ bed, where her new black dress had been carefully laid out for her.

“I think I’ll come with you,” she said softly. “But I’m not sure I won’t be crying the entire time.”

“Oh sweetheart, that’s okay. I don’t think anybody expects you to be stoic and strong when you’re saying goodbye to your best friend.”

“My best friend,” Kara repeated, swallowing the tears that threatened to return.

“Are you sure you want to go?” Eliza checked. “No one would blame you if it were too much, you know that, right?”

Kara nodded bravely, before looking at Eliza.

“I want to be with my friend,” she said resolutely.

Eliza smiled sadly at her before nodding. She stood up, and Kara stood up with her, on shaky legs, and let Eliza help her put on her dress.

She was ready to say goodbye to her friend.

Her best friend.

_“I hope this isn’t the last time we talk?”_

_“I hope not either.”_

“You’re seriously going to have to explain this to me again.”

“What’s there to explain?” Kara asked, dashing around the room, cleaning up wherever she went, displacing old CatCo articles, stacks of paper, pens, pencils, old take-out boxes and notes.

“You’re inviting Lena Luther, sister of your cousin’s most notorious enemy, over to your house for movie night?”

Alex arched an eyebrow.

“Kara, that’s irresponsible and dangerous even by your standards. You’ve known this woman – what – three weeks? A month?”

Kara huffed.

“Look,” she said, not even sparing Alex a glance as she was still in full-on cleaning mode, “you don’t get it. She’s really nice, and kind, and,” Kara sighed, leaning against the wall, a pile of books in her arms. “She’s lonely. And sometimes she even seems a little sad. And I think she wants to be my friend. So I’m trying here. I want to try.”

Alex sighed her deep kind of sigh that was only ever reserved for Kara’s wild ideas and adventures.

“Kara – ”

“I know you don’t think it’s a good idea, Alex. But I like her. And I want her to like me. I want her to be my friend.”

She blushed a bit.

“So you can huff and puff all you like, this movie night is happening. So you can either help me set up or go.”

She tilted her head and folded her arms.

“What’s it going to be?”

Alex sighed and rolled her eyes, before helping Kara to clean the place up some more.

“I can’t believe you’re cleaning your apartment for her,” Alex noted dryly, while shoving empty take-out boxes in a garbage bag. “You never clean your apartment for me.”

“That’s because you’re used to living like a slob. She isn’t.”

Alex huffed, offended.

“Well, you never clean your apartment for James, Winn or Lucy either. I’m pretty sure they – well, maybe Winn – don’t live like slobs.”

Kara actually didn’t have a come-back to that.

Alex sighed. “She must be pretty special if you’re willing to do so much work around here for her.”

Kara smiled. “She is. Pretty special. I think we’re going to be great friends.”

“Best friends,” the Lena in a following memory said. “Only best friends get a key to my apartment. Well,” she amended with a shake of her head, “you’re also my only friend, but – ”

“Oh Lena, I love it!” Kara interrupted her, wrapping her arms around Lena’s neck.

Lena hesitated for a beat but put her arms around Kara’s waist just a second later.

“You like the key then?” Lena asked tentatively, and Kara could hear the smile in her voice.

Kara laughed wetly. “Sure. I love that my _best friend_ gave me a key to her apartment.”

Lena smiled. “I’m so glad.”

“We should start making friendship bracelets.”

“Oh God,” Lena groaned.

“Oh!” Kara gasped. “And we should get like those cute bracelets that are like two parts of a heart, with the letters BFF on them? And then we can both wear them!”

Lena looked really worried for a second, before Kara grinned.

“You’re messing with me.”

“Yes I am. Although, I think it’d be priceless to see the CEO of a Fortune 500 company wear a cheap friendship bracelet from Claire’s with her Swarovski crystal bracelet.”

Lena rolled her eyes, and Kara laughed.

“You knew what you signed up for when you became my best friend,” Kara teased.

“I’m not sure I did,” Lena countered, but the gigantic grin on her face contradicted her snappy words. “Any chance to back out left?”

Kara grinned a toothy grin and took one of the fries out of the Big Belly Burger bag on Lena’s kitchen counter.

“Nope. You’re stuck with me now. It’s all in the ‘for life’ part.”

Lena shook her head and chuckled, taking a fry out of the bag herself.

“To best friends,” she raised her fry cordially.

“To best friends,” Kara bumped her fry against Lena’s.

_“You don’t have to be afraid. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“I will always be your friend. And I will always protect you. I promise.”_

_“There’s still a chance it wasn’t you.”_

_“I know you believe that everything is good and kind and that – that is one of the things I love about you. But that’s not the real world.”_

_“You want to know why I’m not a killer? Friends.”_

_“That’s what friends are for. We get each other through the dark times.”_

“Hey Lena?”

“Yes, Kara?”

They were sat on the white couch in Lena’s office, the one Jess had lovingly dubbed ‘their’ couch. They were both working on their articles and spreadsheets respectively. They’d been sitting in silence for a while, the silence only being broken by the occasional offer to get coffee or something to eat.

Kara licked her lips nervously.

“I just wanted to say thank you.”

Lena looked up and her brow furrowed.

“What for?”

Kara fiddled with her fingers.

“For being my friend?” she said softly, tilting her head.

Lena let out a disbelieving laugh.

“Kara, you don’t have to thank me for something I’m immensely grateful for.”

“Well, then, I want to thank you for staying my friend?”

Lena looked confused.

“I know I haven’t been the greatest friend to you ever since, eh,” she looked away. It was still hard. “Ever since he left.”

Understanding dawned in Lena’s eyes, and her gaze softened.

“I know it wasn’t fair to you. And I’m just grateful you still wanted to have me. As a friend.”

“Kara,” Lena said softly, putting her work aside and scooting over to Kara. “You’re not to blame for needing some time to process things,” she smiled a tiny smile. “I’m just glad you came back to me. I missed you.”

Kara smiled back, emotions swirling up inside of her.

“I missed you too. A lot.”

Lena’s smile widened and she opened her arms in a silent invite.

Kara leaned in and hugged Lena close.

“Sometimes we’ll act stupid or say stupid things,” Lena whispered. “But we’ll always be best friends. And we’ll always find our way back to each other. You don’t need to worry about that.”

Kara smiled gratefully.

_“I killed my brother for you, don’t you understand what you’ve done!”_

Kara felt the kryptonite course through her veins. She suppressed the anguished cry bubbling up inside of her and managed to just let out a strangled whimper.

Lena was talking, but Kara had a hard time following her words, because the pain was just _so_ much, and it seemed to put a filter on all the noises and sounds around her.

Kara felt the shards of kryptonite pierce through her skin, turning her blood into a toxic waste of green poison.

“I’m not a villain,” she heard Lena say. “You shouldn’t have treated me like one.”

Kara wanted to beg for help. Beg for Lena to kill her, to just get it over with because the pain was so awful. So overwhelming, so all-consuming.

When Lena left through the portal, Kara screamed out in pain. She was stuck in her own personal hell. She couldn’t breathe, or move, or escape. All she could do was think of Lena’s angry, disgusted, hateful face, flashing in front of her eyes again and again. Torturing her, mocking her.

Hating her.

Lena hated her.

Her best friend hated her.

And it was all her fault.

Eliza was wrong. It hurt so bad to have friends. It hurt so, so bad.

But Kara didn’t want to relive that memory. Her body resisted the entire thing, as if it wasn’t a memory so much as a nightmare.

It wasn’t real. It didn’t feel real anymore.

But Lena did.

Lena’s face, her presence, her smile, her laugh.

Memories of Lena flooded Kara’s brain, chasing the cold nightmarish vision of Lena’s angry face in the fortress away.

These were Kara’s memories. And she could steer them however she wanted to. Lena being so angry and so broken was not how she wanted to remember her.

She wanted _her_ Lena. The beautiful, amazing, brilliant, fantastic Lena. Her friend Lena. Her crush Lena. _Her_ Lena.

Lena.

_“Lena?”_ Kara whispered against the hallow of Lena’s neck.

“Yes darling?” Lena whispered back.

“Please stay?”

Lena’s hand resumed its path on Kara’s curls, always landing on Kara’s back before moving back up.

“Always,” Lena promised.

_“Can I stay with you tonight?” she asked nervously._

Lena’s smile got a little wider, a little prouder.

“Of course you can,” Lena smiled.

Lena took Kara’s hand up to her mouth and placed a warm kiss on it, before gently putting it back – shooting Kara a smile – and turning her key.

_“Supergirl!”_

_“Kara Danvers believes in you.”_

_“Lena?”_

Kara was surprised to open her door to find a completely soaked, desperate Lena Luthor on her doorstep.

“Are you okay?”

Lena’s lip was trembling.

“No,” she whimpered, “not at all.”

“Oh my Gosh, come in,” Kara rushed to open the door wider, and to let the rain-soaked CEO into her apartment. “What happened?”

Alex came from behind the kitchen counter, and looked worriedly – and maybe a little suspiciously – between Kara and Lena.

Lena barely greeted the other Danvers sister, instead looking at Kara with such loss, pain and frustration, that Kara immediately promised herself and Rao she would do whatever it took to change that expression into a smile again.

“I’m hosting a brunch at L-Corp in less than ten hours,” she whimpered, “to thank the investors, and to invite their families. And now the catering I hired decided not to pull through. Apparently they have a policy against serving Luthors.”

“Lena,” Kara said softly.

“It’s eight PM, Kara! I have a shit ton of work to get done, and I have no food for a brunch!” Her voice adopted a slightly hysterical tone. “How in the hell am I going to get food for the party now? I’ll have to cancel the whole thing, and I will look like a gigantic, incapable joke.”

She dropped down on Kara’s couch and buried her face in her hands.

Kara was shocked to hear Lena sniffle, on the verge of tears.

“It’s hopeless,” she whimpered. “I can’t run a business like this. Everybody in this city hates me. I can’t even organize one tiny event without it turning out to be a total disaster. Why did I ever think I could do anything?”

Alex and Kara exchanged a look.

Even Alex seemed to be pitying the Luthor a bit, and she very much distrusted the other woman.

“I’m sorry I came by, Kara,” Lena said sitting up a little straighter, her gaze lost and dazed. “I just had nowhere else to go, and I – I,” she wiped her eye with her thumb. “I guess I just needed a friend. I’m sorry I dropped by and – ”

She looked at the wet spots her dripping clothes had left behind on the couch.

“And for soaking your couch. I’ll have it dry-cleaned for you,” she said resigned.

Kara’s heart broke at the loss in Lena’s words.

She sounded like she’d already given up. Kara couldn’t have that.

She looked at Alex, who seemed a little bummed, but not very assertive. When she caught the determination in Kara’s eyes, her expression fell.

“No,” she whispered. “No, Kara. I mean it, no.”

“We can help you, Lena,” Kara ignored her sister – who groaned beside her.

Lena looked at her in total confusion.

“What?” she whispered. “How?”

Kara looked at her tiny oven, and the gigantic basket of baking supplies right underneath it.

“We need to do some grocery shopping. We need a bunch of eggs, butter, chocolate, flower, and above all, a whole lot of sugar.”

“W-what?”

“Oh God.”

“We’re going to bake!” she exclaimed, and Alex sighed when her worst fears got confirmed.

“Kara,” Lena said slowly, “there’s about two hundred people coming to this thing.”

“Exactly,” Kara grinned. “No time to lose then!”

Her grin was infectious and Lena’s mouth fell open in a disbelieving laugh.

“You can’t be serious,” she said. “You would do that for me?”

“Of course!” Kara said. “What are friends for?”

“And sisters apparently,” Alex grumbled.

“I will pay you in glasses of wine, Alex, now shush and grab a shopping bag.”

Lena watched in disbelief as Alex begrudgingly headed to Kara’s bedroom to retrieve several gigantic shopping bags.

“Kara – ”

“Look, we’ll get a bunch of cheese, spreads and toast, and other breakfast thingies. We’ll also get some beverages. We can make lemonade!” Kara smiled. “There’ll be fresh cupcakes as a personal touch too! It won’t be the fancy brunch you’d hoped for,” she admitted, “but your guests will have something to eat.”

Lena was speechless.

So speechless, in fact, that the only way she could thank Kara was by pulling her into a tight hug and kissing her beautiful face over and over.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she said, in between kisses, tears of joy jumping into her eyes.

Kara blushed scarlet.

“Oh,” she laughed awkwardly. “It’s nothing, really.”

“Hey Danvers, I’m not doing this alone, you hear? If we want to get there before the store closes, we have to leave now!”

An annoyed, but definitely involved Alex stood by the door, impatiently tapping her food.

“Thank you, Alex,” Lena said sincerely. “It’s just – I can’t thank you enough.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Alex mumbled, but Kara could see the flush in her cheeks. “It’s alright.”

“Wait!” Kara exclaimed, running into her bedroom. She came back with her comfy donut pajamas.

“You put this on, and get out of those wet clothes. Let me put your clothes in the dryer for you. Get comfy, we’ll be right back.”

Before Lena could thank her, Kara had already disappeared out of the door, shopping bags in hand, and determination in her eyes.

Alex and Kara spent hours making dough, while Kara simultaneously stocked her entire fridge full of breakfast supplies for the next morning. They’d basically bought out the entire store’s breakfast section. Kara couldn’t keep count of all the egg cartons, and piles of cheese and ham they’d carried up.

At first, they’d started calculating how much flour and sugar they’d need, but after a while, they just gave up, and decided to buy all of the sugar and flour they could get their hands on. Which turned out to be a lot.

They ended up using almost all of it.

Since Kara’s oven was pretty tiny, they could only make the cupcakes two batches at a time, which amounted to some thirty something cupcakes, taking up about twenty minutes of their time.

They worked all through the night, creating a valid system.

Alex and Kara would weigh the ingredients, mixing everything together while a batch of cupcakes was in the oven, before refilling the ingredients for their next batch.

The second the cupcakes were out, new ones were put in the oven. Alex would make a new batch of dough, while Kara meticulously decorated the warm cupcakes with a sugary topping, a carefully crafted L made from icing they’d made from scratch, and some cute sugary pearls and tiny flowery decorations Kara had found in the story and just had to use for the cupcake decoration.

She hoped Lena didn’t think it was too childish.

Lena was shooed out of the kitchen when she tried to help, being told she needed to leave the baking to the professionals while she had to focus on CEO work. Lena smiled, but didn’t say anything. Instead, Lena stayed on the couch, hastily making the final touches to her work event, calling people left and right to get everything ready in time.

When morning came, 372 carefully crafted cupcakes were sitting on Kara’s counter ready to be picked up. They’d also made about 300 mini sandwiches – the last ones were sort of crappily put together, but still – and had mixed together about ten bottles of home-made lemonade, while the other stuff was store-bought, and had personally cut up a gigantic amount of fruit at the very last minute, so people could enjoy some fruit salad.

By 8am, Lena had been able to get in touch with Jess, who was working hard on getting people to pick up the food, and to get it out to L-Corp, where it could presented as beautifully and meticulously as possible on the glittery plates and coasters Alex and Kara had bought earlier on.

When Lena walked back into Kara’s apartment after having made sure the food had gotten into the cars okay, she couldn’t immediately find Kara.

The kitchen was a mess, still, but Kara had said something about cleaning that up some other time. She didn’t have a job anyway, she’d shrugged.

Alex was snoring loudly from Kara’s bedroom, so that was one mystery solved.

Just when Lena was about to leave, thinking that maybe Kara had gone out to meet Mike or something, she heard her name being called out faintly.

She walked over to the couch, and there was Kara.

Her entire face was covered in chocolate and frosting, her hair was tied together like a bird’s nest, and she looked more tired and exhausted than Lena had probably ever seen her.

“Hey Lena,” Kara yawned, smiling when she noticed Lena’s face hanging over the couch. “Did your people get the food to L-Corp on time?”

“They did,” Lena smiled. “They’re setting it up right now.”

“Oh,” Kara yawned loudly. “That- that’s good.”

“You’re too precious,” Lena whispered lovingly. “Kara, I don’t know how I could ever thank you. I truly don’t. No one has ever – I, I don’t know.”

Kara smiled sleepily.

“Could we have coffee again sometime? When you’re not busy?” Kara asked. “That would definitely make us even. But only if you want, of course.”

Lena’s mouth opened in disbelief.

“Your only wish, in exchange for all of this work… is to get coffee together? Like we do all the time?”

Kara shrugged. “If it’s not too much to ask,” she said honestly. “I know how busy you are. You don’t have to.”

Lena laughed disbelievingly.

“I love you, Kara Danvers,” she said genuinely. “I love you so much, and I love that you’re in my life.”

Kara smiled a dopy grin.

“I love you too, Lena Luthor. So much.”

Lena swallowed a lump in her throat, but smiled back nonetheless.

“I really wish I could support you right now, but I honestly feel like my legs have turned into jelly.”

Lena laughed.

“That’s okay. You rest. I’ll go. Wish me luck?” she asked.

Kara shook her head.

“You don’t need luck,” she said confidently. “You’re Lena Luthor. You can do anything you set your mind to. The rest of the city will find that out soon enough. And they’ll love you for it.”

Lena looked so awestruck and thankful, that she couldn’t find it in her to find the right words.

Instead, she leaned down and kissed Kara’s forehead.

“Thank you, Kara,” she breathed.

Kara smiled sleepily, the rush of Lena’s perfume lulling her into such a comfortable state, that she could barely keep her eyes open.

“I love you, Kara Danvers.”

“I love you Lena Luthor.”

_“I guess,” Kara said, “I guess I was thinking I really like you.”_

Lena blinked slowly.

“You do?”

Kara nodded.

“Really, really like. Like a whole bunch,” Kara whispered.

Lena’s eyes softened, and her smile faded.

“I really like you too,” she breathed.

_“The world needs a Kara Danvers,” Lena mused softly, and Kara smiled against Lena’s neck. “And I need you.”_

Kara leaned in, and kissed Lena softly and swiftly, before retreating.

Lena looked at her with an indescribable expression on her face.

She brought her hand to Kara’s jaw again, and gently pulled her back, kissing her once, twice, thrice… She placed tiny butterfly kisses on Kara’s lips, over and over, until Kara felt dizzy with love and affection.

“Stay with me,” Lena said heatedly. “Stay with me, now and always.”

“Always,” Kara whispered.

* * *

In the lab, Lena was a wreck.

A total and absolute wreck.

Reflected on the screen was her own face, desperate and emotional. Her eyes were shining, and her lips were kiss-swollen.

She looked indescribably happy. She felt her heart grown five sizes at the sight. The images of Kara’s projected thoughts mixed with her own memories in her head, and she could barely believe it had actually been true. She hadn’t dreamed it. She and Kara had kissed.

They were kissing, right on the screen.

And yet.

Lena had seen her own angry, cold, hateful face just minutes earlier.

She didn’t even know she could look like that.

She could imagine even less that she’d directed all of that anger at Kara.

Her Kara.

Her sweet, beautiful Kara.

The one who remembered all of their conversations with more clarity and love than she did some other memories.

Her Kara, who had done so much for her. Who had saved her in more ways than one. Who had picked up her pieces when Jack had died. Who had loved her when she was at her lowest. Who had helped her before anyone else had. Who had worked all through the night to make sure Lena was okay.

She still remembered those cupcakes. Those funny-looking L’s. The loopy smileys Kara had added to a couple of them, when she had still had the energy to do so.

Lena had gotten some disapproving glances from old, white businessmen who were clearly expecting the food to be more along the lines of caviar and champagne – even at ten in the morning, but mostly, she’d gotten enthusiastic cheers and compliments from people telling her they’d never had better cupcakes in their life.

Lena got about a hundred requests for her to put people in touch with her caterer, but she always had – not so apologetically – explained that, no, the people who’d made her brunch were not available for any other bookings.

Because Kara wasn’t a caterer out of passion and enthusiasm.

She’d been one because Lena had needed her to be.

Lena suppressed a strangled cry trying to claw its way out of her throat. She could feel Alex’ furious gaze in her back, and she couldn’t fault the other woman.

How she had gone from hurting Kara physically – torturing her – to being the one to kiss her silly was beyond her.

She was just beyond grateful.

She promised herself that the second this mess was all cleared up, Lena would do anything, would get anything, would make anything to make Kara happy. The happiest. She would try her best to make sure Kara Danvers wouldn’t know another sad day in her life. She would be happy, if Lena’s life depended on it.

She watched herself smile on screen, and couldn’t help but smile tearily back.

Kara wanted her. Kara still loved her. And Kara would get the world.

That she was sure of.

In her overwhelming turmoil of emotions, she didn’t hear the door creak open.

She didn’t hear Nia’s cut-off whimper that should’ve turned into an alarmed scream. She didn’t hear Brainy get put in a choke-hold until he passed out soundlessly on the floor.

She only noticed something was wrong when she heard Kelly suddenly whimper from behind her.

Lena frowned, but before she could turn around, an icy voice made shivers run down her spine like knives.

“Lena, Lena, Lena,” the voice tutted. “I’ve always known you had bad taste in partners, but kissing a mutt? An alien? Really?” The voice scoffed. “That’s low, even by your standards.”

Lena turned around slowly, and found herself face to face with her brother, flanked on both sides by horrifying-looking tanks of men, one of whom held Kelly in a tight grip. Alex was standing stock-still beside Lena, gun aimed at the guy holding Kelly.

They were caught off-guard. They were caught in a trap, surrounded by her brother’s men, with their only hero subdued.

Lex let his eye fall on Kara, still lying unconscious on the chair, while her memory of Lena’s kisses played on on the television screen.

A horrifying grin spread over his face.

“Well then. What have you been up to, dear sister of mine?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! 
> 
> I wanted to update this chapter last week, for my birthday, but ultimately, the amount of uni work got the best of me. Luckily, we all know birthdays last two weeks, at the least! So, here's my very late birthday present to you guys. Since most of us have probably found ourselves quarantined by now, I hope this chapter might get you through the boring days. One good thing to come out of this virus thing, is that I can't work anymore (since restaurants and the like are closed) so I have a lot more time on my hands to write this lengthy update. I hope you enjoy it, and stay safe out there everybody!
> 
> I want to dedicate this chapter to KaraTraumaDanvers, who wrote the most amazing short essay on this fic! Thank you so much for that, it meant so much to me! 
> 
> Please let me know what you thought, either here or on [my Tumblr!](https://thingsanddreamsandstuff.tumblr.com)
> 
> If you have any sort of prompts you think I might like to write, please send me a message on Tumblr! I love writing fan fiction, and I can't wait to write some more :) 
> 
> See you next time!


	5. Chapter 5

It seemed like their stand-off would take forever.

Lena cursed herself for getting caught so off-guard by her brother, when all the signs that he knew something was up had been there all along. Lex’ remark about the perfume to Kara. Lex’ strange behavior at work… He’d known all along they’d been up to something. He’d just been playing them. Lena cursed herself for not picking it up.

She didn’t dare look in Kara’s direction, afraid her brother’s eyes would track her movement, and he would make a reprehensible move.

Lena was almost too afraid to breathe.

Lex broke their face-off with a smirk, letting his eyes wander over the space. The white tiles. The medical equipment. The giant screen attached to the wall.

Kara’s unconscious body.

“Lex,” Lena said calmly, tersely, trying to get his attention to shift back to her. “Let’s talk. Just the two of us. Upstairs.”

Lex chuckled.

“I don’t think so, darling sister of mine. See,” he said taking a step closer to Lena. “I’m more interested in finding out just what you and your merry band of misfits have been up to. It looks _very_ interesting.”

Lena clenched her jaw.

She wanted to speak up, but it seemed both her and her brother were surprised by Alex’ interruption.

“Let. Her. The. Fuck. Go,” Alex said slowly.

Her gun was raised and pointed right at the forehead of the man who currently held Kelly in a chokehold.

His broad disgusting arm was wrapped around her shoulders, just underneath her chin. With one hand, Kelly tried to claw at his flesh, her nails dug deep into his skin, trying to get as much distance between her and him, constantly stretching out her neck to get away from him.

It didn’t seem to bother him one bit. Kelly was trembling, looking absolutely terrified. She held her tablet so tightly in her other hand her knuckles had turned alarmingly pale.

Lex laughed.

“Ah,” he exclaimed, almost fondly. “The feisty Danvers.”

He shook his head.

“I have to say, director,” he said in mock-sadness. “It hurts to learn of such mutiny from one of my trusted – one of my _favorite_ – employees. I didn’t even want to believe it at first! My sister and my favorite director, working together, spanning against me?”

He clutched his chest.

“I truly don’t know how to live with this betrayal.”

Lena rolled her eyes, but Alex didn’t let his quip get to her.

“You tell your men to let her go,” Alex said slowly, dangerously. “She had nothing to do with this.”

“Oh,” Lex frowned. “I disagree. I think she has everything to do with what’s been going on here.”

He turned to the frightened brunette.

“Isn’t that right, miss Olsen?”

Kelly looked terrified when her eyes caught Lex’. She was trembling all over, but that didn’t keep her from staring right back at her.

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said, her voice weaker than usual, but not breaking out in any stammer whatsoever.

“I think,” Lex took a step closer to her, “you have everything to do with it. And I think that tablet your holding,” he motioned with his chin, “contains everything I need to know.”

He smirked.

“Am I close?”

Kelly swallowed.

Lex smiled almost jovially before motioning with his chin to the man holding Kelly.

He let her go quickly, and Kelly almost buckled to the ground, gaining her balance at the very last second. She took in a deep breath, before standing up straight on shaky legs.

“See,” Lex said kindly. “I’m not here to hurt you.”

“Oh bullshit, get away from her!” Alex spat.

Lex laughed.

“Stand down, director Danvers,” he said jovially, though Lena could hear the edge in his voice. Alex had to watch out.

Lex turned back to Kelly with a kind smile on his face.

“I don’t even want to hurt you! I see no merit in harming you at all! In fact, I think we can help each other out.”

Kelly threw a miserably confused look Alex’ way and Lena felt sick. Kelly had nothing to do with all of this. She was a psychologist. She was literally trained to help people. She was the best out of all of them, and now she’d gotten caught up in all the misery, the pain and the danger that seemed to dominate all of their lives.

Kelly was too kind to be put in a situation like this. She was too friendly and too pure to be hurt by Lena’s psychopathic brother and his compatriots. She should’ve never gotten into contact with him in the first place.

If Lena had the time or the space to think – to contemplate for just a second how completely messed up the powers in charge of the universe had to be to manipulate their lives to the point where Kelly’s life had to intersect with all of theirs, leading up to this dreadful moment, than she was sure she would have ripped her own hair out in frustration.

Lena wanted to cry at the helplessness in Kelly’s frame, her lone and lost position, ripped away from Alex, and anyone else who could protect her. So thin and tiny compared to the bears of men standing around her.

“Kelly Olsen,” Lex started kindly. “You’re a smart woman. An intelligent woman. I know my sister and her alien sympathizers have snared you into their plan, and I know that you just wanted to help. I admire you for it,” Lex said genuinely. “I admire you helpful, amenable spirit. But I also know you don’t have to go down with them.”

Kelly stole a fleeting glance at Alex, who looked just as scared.

“Just hand over the tablet, Kelly,” Lex said, “and you’re free to walk away. You’ll still have your job. We won’t talk about it anymore! Wouldn’t that be nice?”

Lena bit her lip.

All of their material was on that tablet. All of it. If Kelly handed it over, Lex would see everything they’d worked so hard to obtain. Everything they’d put Kara through would be for nothing.

“Kelly,” Lena warned, her voice but a desperate whisper.

She felt Alex’ eyes on her, but whether they were burning in anger or agreeing with her, she didn’t know.

“Don’t let my little sister here guilt you into doing something stupid, Kelly,” Lex warned. “She knows she’ll walk away from this unscathed no matter what happens. You and the others won’t be so lucky. Be smart, Kelly. Just hand it over.”

He extended his hand.

Kelly released a shaky breath. She looked at the tablet, then at Lex and finally, she looked at Alex. When she finally dared to look Alex in the eye, tears were already shining in her own.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered to Alex.

Alex swallowed, and Lena closed her eyes for a second in pure and utter misery.

It was over.

“It’s okay,” Alex said with a crack in her voice, probably just as conflicted as Lena. “It’s okay.”

It was _over_. Kara had been tortured for _nothing_.

Kelly shot Alex a shaky, teary smile before she turned to Lex, who waited with a smirk and an outstretched hand for Kelly to hand over the tablet.

Kelly raised her hands slowly, while Lena looked away.

She couldn’t watch. She couldn’t see how Kelly was about to destroy everything. She could fight the misery and the undeserved apprehension she felt for Kelly.

From the corner of her eye, Lena could see the tablet getting raised higher than Lex’ hands. Up, up, up, and then, the tablet suddenly lifted up so high above her head before it was suddenly, with all the force Kelly had in her petite frame, smashed down on the tiled floor with an unexpected, ear-shatteringly loud _bang_.

Lex’ shout was masked by the deafening sound the tablet made when it smacked on the floor and shattered into hundreds and thousands of little dark shards. The frame had been so thin and fragile, not even the logo on the back had survived the fall. Dark sparkles spread all across the room, like little flickers of dust.

Thousands of dollars worth of tech and research, shattered across the floor waiting to be swept up and discarded with the next trash pick-up.

Lena stared down at the pool of dark glass at her feet.

Unsalvageable.

It was completely and utterly unsalvageable.

Their proof was gone and destroyed. They’d lost everything. Everything they’d worked so hard to find. Everything Kara had put herself through the ringer for. Lena couldn’t quite deal with it yet.

But at the same time, she knew, Lex would never find out what they’d been planning. They were in the clear, all thanks to Kelly. Kelly had single-handedly made sure Lex would never be able to get his grubby hands on Kara’s recorded memories.

Kelly released a whimper and looked up at Lex, who had seemingly come to the same conclusion as Lena had.

Lex sighed deeply, clearly suppressing his anger as he ran a hand over his beard.

“That,” he said after a brief pause, “was very, very stupid.”

Kelly bit her lip to suppress a whimper, tears shining in her eyes.

“I had expected more from you Miss Olsen.”

Kelly took a shuddering breath.

“You can’t have her,” she said finally, voice weak and trembling, but determined nonetheless. “You can’t.”

Lex almost smiled.

“I’ll see about that,” he said, before nodding to one of the gorilla’s behind Kelly.

Before Alex’ desperate scream had even clawed its way out of her throat, the man lifted his gun and brought it down hard against the side of Kelly’s head.

Kelly didn’t make a sound as she crumpled to the floor.

“Kelly!” Alex shouted.

“No!”

She almost ran towards her, but the gun aimed at Kelly’s head on the floor stopped her in her tracks.

He held all the power, as the cold metal with a stomach-turning darker patch on the side was aimed right at Kelly’s head, with no way for Kelly to defend herself.

“You fucking bastard,” Lena gritted out, fighting to keep her frustrated tears at bay. “You fucking asshole!”

The gorilla stretched out his hand with a nauseating grin, and Alex balled her fists, allowing herself one moment of disgust and frustrating rage, before she shot Lena a miserable look.

“I’m sorry,” Alex whispered, before she looked down, and reluctantly handed over her gun.

The second Lex’ guy got Alex’ gun, he stepped aside, and Alex rushed over to her girlfriend, falling to her knees beside Kelly, who was lying motionless on the cold white floor.

Nia was crying from behind the glass, hand over her mouth to keep herself from screaming.

“The next person to disobey me,” Lex said, while Alex carefully cradled Kelly’s unconscious, bleeding head, “won’t be as lucky as Miss Olsen, is that clear?”

“I will kill you for this,” Alex promised. “You hear me? I will fucking kill you.”

“Relax,” Lex rolled her eyes, “I could’ve had her shot. You should be grateful.”

Alex’ murderous look seemed to beg to differ.

“And I would have,” he said with a smile, tilting his head, “if I didn’t see another option right there.”

Lena froze.

Lex walked past Alex and Kelly on the floor and in the direction of Kara.

“Don’t you touch her!” Lena snarled. “Get the fuck away from her!”

She lifted her hand to strike him, but her fist was caught by yet another one of Lex’ goons.

“Get the fuck off of me!” she yelled, swirling around to try and deck him in his idiotic, meaty sack of a face. The man merely seemed amused at her efforts, which enraged her even more. “You think you’re the fucking man, you prick? Let me go!”

Lex apparently gave him a sign, because the goon let her go immediately, and the abrupt action sent Lena staggering on her feet.

“Calm down, Lena,” Lex rolled his eyes. “Always with the dramatics.”

“Wonder who inspired me,” Lena snarled sarcastically, wincing on her heels.

Lex clacked his tongue.

“Yes, Lena,” he said absentmindedly, sliding past the unconscious Kara on the slab to get to the table next to her. “You keep on blaming me for your character flaws if that helps you sleep at night.”

Lena was taken off guard when Lex didn’t stop to look at Kara. He didn’t even pause. He walked determinately over to the white counter behind the table with Kara, where all over Lena’s instruments were set down.

Lex’ hand hovered over the numerous notebooks, the printed documents with Kara’s medical information, her blueprints of the red sunlamps… Lex could take any one of the items on the table, and use them to create monstrous inventions. He could torture Kara, he could relay critical information on her body and vitals to anyone with a grudge against Supergirl… he could have all the power he wanted.

Lena’s heart sank right into her stomach, and she felt the blood rushing through her head like it could explode at any minute.

He could _hurt_ Kara.

And then Lex stepped aside. He hadn’t taken a single item on the table. He shot Lena a quick smile before wandering over closer to Kara’s chair, but not really in her direction. Instead, he stopped at the small worktable Lena had set up close to Kara’s chair, where she kept barely anything besides a pen, a small notebook and –

 _No_.

Lena could feel the nausea rise up inside her when Lex’ hand found a control panel on the table next to Kara.

_Her control panel._

It didn’t store the memories or tracked Kara’s vitals like Kelly’s device, but it was the one that – with a push from J’onn – kickstarted the memory process and kept it going. It was a rudimentary thing, Lena hadn’t dared to tinker as much with it as she secretly burned to do, but in the wrong, manipulative hands, it could be a disaster.

In layman’s terms, it was basically a controller of Kara’s brain. And Lex was holding it in his disgusting, possessive hands.

Lex shot her a smirk before he turned the small, white device in his hands, studying it closely. From time to time, he would look up, studying the images of Lena, still in Kara’s embrace on the bed, on display on the television in the lab.

“You’re studying her memories,” he murmured softly after a tense beat of silence, tracing the lines of the device. “Her past.”

Lena didn’t say anything. What could she do? She pretended to scan the room casually, almost like she was bored, but Lena could hear her own heartbeat in her ears as fear and adrenaline pumped through her body. She tried to catch anyone’s eye, internally screaming for someone to help her, to help Kara – hopelessly trying to find a weapon, an ally, anyone, anything! – but she was all alone.

J’onn was knocked out on the floor, courtesy of the alien stun-guns those awful gorillas were handling. Lena scoffed inwardly at the idea of them attempting to do take him one with just their bare hands.

_Fucking cowards._

Nia was a mess.

She was crying in the arms of one of Lex’ goons behind the glass wall, murmuring things to Brainy – pleading for him to wake up, as he was still knocked-out on the floor.

Lena wished she could go over there, wished she could do anything to help Nia. She took so much pity on the girl. She didn’t sign up for this. She was so young, so… new to this superheroing thing. She was so hopeful and optimistic – much like Lena thought Kara had to have been like when she first started out. Before the world slowly broke away at her trust in other people to do good. Lena’d only caught a small glimpse of that unbridled positivity, some long years ago, before Lena’s own mother had tried to kill her. Before Mon-El had to leave. Before Reign knocked Supergirl out of the sky. Before she lost yet another person she loved. Before a lot of things happened.

Kara was still a beam of sunlight with a radiating, infectious smile… But Lena knew how much it took of her. How much more effort it took to remain positive, when the world seemed adamant to push her down.

Lena thought Nia was very much like that. Very much like a younger, innocent Kara. And now Lena, Kelly and Alex had dragged her into this whole mess. Hurt by Lena’s maniacal brother while her boyfriend was lying unconscious at her feet. And Lena wondered if this would break Nia too, in that tiny ‘crack in her exterior’ kind of way. The big yet empty smiles, kind of way. She wondered if Nia would lose some love for her world too, after this.

She really hoped not. She hoped Nia would live a long time before she became as bitter as Lena. As hurt as Kara. As scarred as Alex. They shouldn’t be mirrors for Nia’s future at all.

A few tiles to Lena’s left, Alex was supporting Kelly’s head on her lap, carefully cleaning the head wound to make sure she would be okay. Lena caught Alex’ eye, and she could see a billion apologies flash in those dark, tear-filled eyes, but she couldn’t be mad at Alex.

Alex was making sure her girlfriend was surviving. Alex was just as terrified as Lena right now. Maybe even more so with both her girlfriend and her sister’s lives in jeopardy. Maybe she was screaming inside, torn between having to choose between her sister and Kelly. Torn between who needed her more right now.

No, Lena couldn’t be mad at Alex right now. But it did mean she was utterly alone in her fight against Lex.

If only Kara would wake up.

But as they’d seen in the previous sessions, it was hard to pull Kara from her dream-like state. Once she’d sunken too far in her memories, it was harder for her to come back to the real world. Brainy had once theorized that the memory quest functioned a lot like sleep cycles. It was easier to pull Kara from a quick and superficial memory, like a stage one NREM sleep cycle. Kara could easily be shocked out of her memories and wake up, seemingly unscathed.

After falling through memory after memory, however, Brainy had noted that it felt a lot more like the stage three of NREM sleep, a stage people usually have a hard time waking up from. The deepest, most heavenly – or most terrifying – form of unconsciousness. Indeed, after a number of memories had passed through Kara’s mind tonight, she would be in a deep unconscious state, and it would be hard to wake her up from it.

So Lena couldn’t count on Supergirl either.

Supergirl – sweet, sweet Kara – was lying defenseless on the white table under the red glow of Lena’s sunlamps, unaware of the turmoil around her. Her machine was beeping rhythmically, showing just how calm and at ease she was. She had no idea how much the people around her needed her right now. She had no idea, and a small part of Lena didn’t want to tell her.

Kara deserved a moment’s rest. She deserved to see some happy memories, to sleep through some good, for once. Lena wanted that for her. More so, she wanted to be the one to gift that to Kara. A moment of unadulterated, pure happiness. A break from being Supergirl, a moment for her to just be Kara. Lena wanted to keep her in that bubble for as long as she could. For as long as she could protect that bubble.

It was up to Lena to defend her. Lena knew it. Alex knew it.

It was up to her to get her brother as far away from the woman as possible.

But Lex was circling Kara’s body like a shark roaming the waters, still studying the device in his hands. Lena had no gun, no knife, no nothing. She’d have to distract him, push him, plead with him, beg him on her bare knees if she had to – but she had to get him away from her.

“Lex,” she tried. “Lex, I can tell you what we’ve been up to.”

Lex hummed.

“Let me just talk to you in my office,” she insisted, “it’ll be much nicer there. We can talk there.”

“I’m sure,” Lex mumbled.

Lena cursed silently, biting her thumbnail in frustration and fear.

“Can’t we just handle this like adults?” Lena tried. “Do we have to play the villain versus hero game again?”

That did make him look up.

“Oh I would love nothing more than to act like adults, Lena,” he said pointedly. “But you wanted to play this game. You wanted to do this secret hide-and-seek thing, working with the so-called good guys and spanning against me. That wasn’t me.”

“Lex – ”

Lex held up his hand.

“Hold on, Lena,” he murmured, looking at the device. “I think I found it.”

He lifted the device up for his sister to see.

“This is what your friend used to access her memories, isn’t it?” Lex implored. “This is what she used to guide and select Supergirl’s memories. A modified piece of Rojas tech?”

He laughed out loud, with bright, sparkling eyes that almost hurt to look at. He laughed with that same genuine interest and wonder as he used to do when they were younger.

It felt like a sharp pain in her chest.

“You used her virtual reality tech and changed it to…”

He swiftly turned the device, before looking up sharply at the screen.

“You made it broadcast her memories,” he murmured softly. “You turned her memories into actual videos.”

He turned to look at Lena with a proud smirk.

“I gotta say, Lena,” he chuckled, “this might be one of your greatest achievements yet. Your mastery of this technology is truly unparalleled.”

At any other stage in her life, Lena’s heart would’ve soared at the compliment.

Now she just felt bile rise up in her throat, and it took every piece of self-control she had not to hurl.

She clenched her jaw.

“So how do you process the memories?” Lex asked her. “How do you select the memories you want to see?”

When Lena refused to answer, he looked up from the device, almost like a toddler after being told to put down its toys.

“Lena,” he nagged, “you might as well tell me now. Do I need to knock down another friend of yours?”

He rolled his eyes.

“We can do this all night, and we already know what the outcome is going to be. So you might as well just tell me now.”

Lena balled her fists.

He was right. He could knock out her friends, torture them – there sure were enough of them around – until Lena cracked, and then what would the damage be? And would it even have been worth it?

Lena sighed.

“We can’t – we can’t really select the memory process,” she explained reluctantly. “We stimulate the memory we’re looking for when the subject is still conscious, by actively making them focus on it. But then the brain makes associations, links to different memories, which is just too strong to overpower with the technology.”

Lex frowned.

He turned the device back around in his hands.

“That seems hard to believe.”

He clicked on the screen, and swiftly moved his fingers over the settings, parameters and statistics, before a thoughtful expression passed over his face.

“Maybe you’re just not using enough power,” he suggested. “The power on this thing is barely above fifteen percent. If we turn it all the way up, we could select memories as we go. Flip through them, if it were.”

“No,” Lena protested. “We tested the effects on prototypes of the human brain. It’s too much pressure for anyone to handle. Our tests have shown it can lead to irreparable brain damage, bleeds,” she rattled, “it could cause a myriad of horrible side-effects. We can’t afford to play around with such a delicate part of the body!”

As the words left her lips, a sinking feeling grew in the pit of Lena’s stomach. What she’d just described would disturb any doctor, any scientist willing to explore her studies. It would bring pause to any rational person, and would invoke a hundred questions and essays on the ethics of it all.

But Lex was no ordinary scientist.

He cared only for his own progress, for his own monstrous developments. And Kara… Kara was nothing more than a lab-rat to him.

No, Lena thought with growing terror, no that wasn’t right. Lex felt indifferent about lab-rats. He couldn’t care less if they lived, died or fell into a coma, as long as the developments in their lives proved his hypothesis.

Having Kara as a subject… this was Lex’ wish come true. This was his lucky day. Getting to perform scientific experiments while making his enemy suffer helplessly at the same time?

Lex was probably laughing at Lena’s words already.

“Lena, Lena,” he said cheerfully. “You worry too much. I think Miss Danvers can handle a bit more pressure.”

He took Kara’s wrist from the table, and wiggled, her hand flopping from one side to the other.

“She certainly seems relaxed enough to me,” Lex joked.

Lena saw red.

“Let her the fuck go!” Lena snarled, charging at Lex with a deep-seated furor. “You fucking jackass, let her go!”

She almost forgot about the men close to her, because in seconds she was bungling above the floor, held up by her shoulders by two of those fucking grinning Neanderthal asshats Lex just loved to hire.

“Alright,” Lex said pointedly, making a show of holding up his hands, carelessly dropping Kara’s wrist mid-air.

Lena winced at the sound of Kara’s wrist hitting the hard armrests of the chair, but the sound was masked by Alex’ anguished scream.

“You fucking dick,” Lena spat out, frustration and impotence clawing at her body. “You fucking, nihilistic, sociopathic piece of – ”

“Alright, Lena, we get the picture,” Lex waved her curses away with a bored eye-roll. “Now if you can be good and quiet so I can focus on this,” he held up the device, “and not accidentally fry your paramour’s brain? Yes, no?”

Lena bit her lip.

Her gunshot had been too kind to him. She should’ve been more creative. She should’ve made him scream. She should’ve poisoned him, skinned him alive, burned him, choked him – anything!

He was vile and rotten, and Lena wished with hot and palpable want that she could just wrap her hands around his bloated throat and throttle him.

She had to force her hands into fists to avoid the painful grip her imagination had seemingly physically conjured up.

God, she hated him. She hated him with every fiber of her being, and it took everything in her not to _scream_ it out to the world.

Instead she watched with sorrow and agony how Lex fiddled around with the device, holding it up to the screen in the lab.

He made a few minor adjustments Lena couldn’t see before he suddenly laughed.

The words Lena dreaded the most left her brother’s hateful mouth.

“I’ve got it!” he cheered. “I’ve got it!”

He turned around, his face shining with deep satisfaction that Lena would just love to wipe off his face.

“Lena,” he smirked condescendingly, “this doesn’t have to be a one-person experience. Don’t you want to see me up the ante?”

“Go. Fuck. Yourself,” Lena spat, tears of hatred burning in her eyes.

Lex shrugged.

“Suit yourself. Now, all,” he smiled, “I hope you’ll enjoy the show.”

Lena turned when she heard groaning from behind her.

“Shh, stay down babe,” Alex whispered soothingly. “You’re okay, I’ve got you, you’re okay. You’re okay.”

A grateful sob bubbled up in Alex’ throat as she kissed her girlfriend’s temple, and helped her sit up slightly.

“Ah, Miss Olsen,” Lex said cheerily, “so glad you could join us.”

In Alex’ lap, Kelly was touching the tender side of her head, grimacing painfully. She was hurt, but she was alive. She was alive.

Lena wanted to feel relief at the sight. The same relief that shone in Alex’ eyes as she carefully cradled her injured girlfriend.

But she couldn’t. The dread filling her up at the thought of what Lex was about to do to Kara was just too much. It was too overwhelming.

Kelly was alive, and Lena was jealous. Because she wasn’t sure how much longer Kara was going to be.

“The huge flaw of things like this, in my opinion,” Lex shared casually as he readied the mechanism – Lena hated how quickly he caught on to using it – “is that they’re so boring. There’s no pizzazz. It’s just a boring button.”

He shook his head.

“Next time you alter a thing like this, Lena,” he said over his shoulder, “add a count-down function. It adds to the theatricality of it all.”

“Lex, please,” Lena begged as a last resort, “you don’t know what you’re doing, stop, please!”

Lex paused.

“I’m your sister,” Lena pleaded, “and I am begging you not to do this. You’re going to kill her!”

Lex turned around, and his expression softened. He smiled at Lena before shaking his head condescendingly.

“Lena, Lena, Lena,” he said, “little, baby Lena. You really don’t know how this world works, do you?” he tilted his head. “You think this can be fixed with rainbows and unicorns, but I’ve got a story for you – ”

He took a step closer to her.

“The world doesn’t work like that. You decided to provoke me,” he shook his head in mock-disappointment. “And now you have to deal with the consequences.”

His loving smile turned into a grin that made shudders run down Lena’s spine. It reminded her a lot of those crocodile ‘smiles.’ The way their teeth could almost give you the illusion of a great big toothy grin, right before it mauled you, and tore you to pieces.

“You know,” he murmured, “I do hope you enjoyed those moments with her last night. Because when I’m through with her – ”

He smiled.

“You’ll be lucky if she’ll still be able to form one coherent thought.”

Lena lunged at him, but was kept down by a painful squeeze in her arms, courtesy of Lex’ men.

Lena would’ve spat in Lex’ face if he hadn’t quickly stepped back and walked away, a low chuckle accompanying his footsteps.

Lex came to a halt before the TV screen again. He stared fixatedly at the screen before him, still displaying Lena’s kiss-swollen smile.

“Well, Supergirl,” he said, “I hope you enjoyed making out with my sister again, because we’re about to switch channels.”

He chuckled to himself.

“Boris?”

The goon who held Lena opened his mouth and a booming voice came out, almost startling Lena.

“Three. Two.”

Lena exchanged a desperate look with Alex, who seemed herself on the brink of crying.

They’d fucked up. They’d royally screwed things up, and now Kara was going to pay for it.

“One.”

_I am so sorry, Kara._

“Showtime,” Lex agreed with a smile, and de-activated the protective measures on the screen.

Lex had Kara’s mind at his mercy.

* * *

Kara stirred on the table.

Her once smooth brow furrowed slightly, and her eyes twitched under her eyelids as Lex carelessly changed the parameters of the device.

“Lex, please stop,” Lena begged as she watched Kara’s finger spasm on the chair.

“We’ve barely even begun, Lena,” Lex rolled his eyes. “I just need to figure out how to make her change the memory.”

“It can’t be done, Lex!” Lena cried out. “It’s dangerous, it’s stupid and it won’t work!”

“Let’s just try it out for ourselves, hmm?” Lex hummed.

“Lex – ”

“Come on, Supergirl,” Lex muttered, “come on.”

Lena watched as his finger slid one the parameters from 13 percent to 35 percent and her heart clenched.

The muscles in Kara’s neck tensed up, her fingers arched painfully –

And then the memory changed.

* * *

Lex let out a wondrous surprised sound as the image of a teenage Alex Danvers appeared on the screen.

“And that is why, despite some minor infractions the schoolboard rightfully temporarily suspended me for – but again, which were completely minor and resolved, and honestly, kind of overblown – you should… you should…”

Alex groaned, and leaned back against her headboard.

“And that is why you shouldn’t accept me into your dumb college,” she muttered.

“Why look, Miss Danvers,” Lex grinned, turning to Alex, “I do believe that’s you! How marvelous.”

Lena didn’t even have to look at Alex to know that it absolutely, in no way came across as marvelous, and more like a collective punch in the stomach for nearly everyone in the room.

The teenage Alex on the screen looked defeated. She was sitting on her bed, a camera perched precariously on her knee while the red blinking light from the screen reflected periodically in her eyes.

“Okay,” Kara asked from over on her own bed, “what are you still doing? You’ve been talking to yourself for like an hour now! I’ve been waiting for you to finish! I have to tell you something!”

“Mom said I should practice my college interviews,” Alex muttered, eyes still trained on the camera. “Apparently, if I film myself doing it, I should do better at the actual interviews.”

She didn’t sound all that convinced.

“That’s what you’ve been doing for the past hour? That’s easy, let me help!”

“Kara – ”

But before she could finish her sentence, Kara had already dashed from her bed tot Alex’, and collided with her sister almost immediately, sticking close to her even though there was enough space for them to sit apart. 

“Kara,” Alex complained, but the corner of her mouth was pulling upwards.

“It’s hopeless,” she tried, as Kara took the camera from Alex and adjusted the little side screen so she could look at herself. “You can’t help me. I suck at this. No one’s going to want me in their college. They’ll throw away my application after one look.”

She sank back further against her headboard and sighed, letting her legs stretch out under her blanket.

“It’s hopeless.”

Kara ignored her and moved the camera until both of them were visible on the little screen.

“Alright, let me give this a go,” Kara mumbled absentmindedly.

Alex sighed, the little screen mirroring the exhaustion and defeat on her face, while Kara’s bright face suddenly smiled next to her.

“I got it!”

Alex shook her head.

“Maybe I’ll just do the speech thing! I can think of loads of stuff to tell your uni!”

“Sure,” Alex closed her eyes. “By all means. You try it.”

“Dear college,” Kara said brightly, “my sister – wait, what college is it?”

Alex shrugged.

“Literally any one that’ll take me. Mom says to aim high, but I’ll take anything.”

“Alright,” Kara mumbled before scraping her throat.

“Dear college, my sister Alex Danvers is the smartest, coolest, most badass person I know! You want her on your campus, trust me.”

Alex opened her eyes to see Kara’s reflection on the screen argue vehemently on her behalf.

“She is funny,” Kara argued seriously, “she can recite _The Shining_ by heart – how many students have you got who can do that? Not very many, I’m sure.”

Alex laughed.

“Then, you should know she can throw a mean punch! Totally knocked out a boy who was mean to me one time. It was glorious. It’s always great to have someone who’ll stand up for other people at your Uni, trust me.”

Alex shook her head, but smiled, and didn’t dare interrupt.

“She’s wicked smart,” Kara counted on her fingers. “She’s almost at the top of her class here at Midvale High, which is impressive, considering her competition. Then there’s also the fact that she’s super sporty, she’s on our track team, she can surf. She would’ve joined the soccer team, if it wasn’t for the blatant sexism at Midvale High that says girls can’t join. Then, there’s – oh! Not technically a sport, but she can totally fix cars.”

“One car,” Alex corrected her. “And dad helped out a lot with that one.”

“Still,” Kara argued to the camera. “How great would it be for you dean and professors to have someone on campus who could fix your cars if you have any troubles?”

“Kara,” Alex laughed. “Come on, I’m supposed to be taking this thing seriously.”

“What makes you think I’m not serious?” she asked, turning to Alex with a particularly fixating stare. “I think fixing cars is a great advantage to any student.”

Alex shook her head but let Kara play out her game.

“So,” Kara said, trying to refocus, even though a smile was passing over her face, and she had to press her lips together tightly to refrain from breaking out into a big grin. “Alex Danvers is the bestest, most amazing person ever! She can do anything, and she wants to be a doctor! She wants to save lives.”

Kara raised her hands.

“How great a person is she?! In conclusion,” Kara scraped her throat and sat up straight, looking about as posh as she could, “you’ll want my super, awesome, crazy cool, badass, wonderful, insanely talented sister for your college, because you’ll literally have the best student ever in your university, and it would be a terrible loss if another college accepted her before you did. Be smart,” Kara finished, “accept my sister. Don’t be a poop-brain. Alright!”

Kara snapped the little screen back to the side of the camera, effectively breaking off the recording, and turned to Alex with a pleading look on her face.

“Now can we talk about me?”

“A poop-brain?” Alex laughed. “Is that my winning argument? Accept me or you’re a poop-brain?”

Kara hummed.

“Yeah, you might wanna come up with an alternative for that one.”

Alex laughed, and ran a hand through her dark locks.

“Fine,” she said shaking her head, a broad smile on her face, “what’s going on with you?”

Kara beamed, and snuggled even closer to Alex.

“You really want to know?” she asked conspiratorially.

“Well you clearly want to tell me!” Alex said.

Kara stayed silent, unconvinced.

Alex sighed loudly.

“Oh, please, Kara, do tell me what your big secret is?” she asked in the dullest voice she could muster.

“That’s the spirit! Alright I’ll tell you.”

She leaned in so close there was barely any space between them left.

“You know Noah from my English Literature AP class?”

“Noah, as in, the Noah you’ve been drooling over in your English Literature AP class? Yes, I remember that Noah.”

Kara giggled, which was an unusual, because a statement like that usually earned Alex a foul look and a shove in her side. But today, Kara just giggled.

“What happened with Noah from AP?” Alex asked, and Kara bit her lip in excitement.

“Kara?” Alex asked slowly. “You… didn’t.”

“I did!” Kara squealed. “Or he did! He kissed me! Today! Before we walked home together!”

“No!” Alex’ eyes widened comically. “No!”

“Yes!” Kara beamed. “It was amazing, Alex, oh my Rao! It was so wonderful! We walked next to the stadium, and he pulled me under the bleachers and oh! It was so romantic! And the kiss!”

She gasped.

“Alex, it was so extremely soft, and sweet, and ugh,” she swooned. “It wasn’t even wet and gross like you said! It was perfect. The perfect kiss. The perfect kiss with the perfect boy.”

Alex’ smile faltered.

“That’s great,” she said softly. “I’m so happy for you, Kara.”

Kara smiled back and lay down fully in Alex’ bed. It was barely bigger than a single, and truly wasn’t meant for two people, but Alex didn’t complain.

Alex put the camera away and turned off the light, letting her head drop on her pillow.

“I think he’s going to ask me out,” Kara whispered. “Wouldn’t that be amazing?”

“It would,” Alex agreed.

“What could I even do on our first date?” Kara babbled. “We could have a picknick on the beach, we could go to the Olive Garden in town, we could – ”

Kara gasped.

“Maybe we can double-date!”

“Double-d – Kara, who would I even bring on a date?”

“Jack from biology? He’s been crushing on you since forever! He’s been trying to ask you out for months now!”

“Oh,” Alex said unenthusiastically. “Jack.”

“You don’t wanna go on a date with Jack?”

“I just don’t think I know Jack.”

“Well that’s what dates are for!” Kara exclaimed. “Getting to know people!”

Alex hummed in the dark.

“You don’t have to,” Kara said. “I just thought you liked him too. He’s smart and funny, and really good-looking too.”

“I guess. Yeah. Maybe,” Alex said. “Maybe.”

Kara moved closer in the dark until her cheek found Alex’ shoulder.

“Or we could forget about Jack from biology for a bit,” she suggested softly.

Alex smiled briefly in the dark, her eyes gazing blindly into the darkness around them.

“We’ll see,” she said vaguely.

Suddenly, the door cracked open and both girls shot up.

A soft _meow_ rose from the dark hallway, followed by the uneven tripling sound of soft paws on their carpeted floor.

“Streaky!” Kara whisper-yelled.

Alex groaned and sank back in her pillows.

“That stupid cat scared the crap out of me.”

“He’s not stupid,” Kara admonished her with a glare before turning back to her cat with a wide grin.

“Here, Streaky, come on, up here!” she patted the mattress. “You got it, come on!”

Streaky crossed the room slowly, three legs doing their best to move his body forward, while his fourth leg kind of dragged, more than walked, over the carpet. When he arrived at the bottom of the bed, he struggled to put his weight on his hind legs, the years outdoors having taken a toll on the black cat, but finally managed to jump up, and land on the duvet, claws hooking themselves desperately in their blanket in an effort not to immediately tumble down again.

“There’s a good cat,” Kara said happily. “C’mere, baby!”

Streaky slowly dragged himself upwards on the bed before finding its place in Kara’s extended arms, walking tiny circles on her chest before lying down, tail wrapped around himself, and purring contently. Streaky hadn’t taken a liking to Alex – she still had the scratches to prove it – and seemed largely indifferent to Eliza, but when it came to Kara, that cat suddenly transformed into the softest, most pliable little animal in the whole world.

She could pick him up, carry him around like a newborn baby, cradle him in a blanket, and he wouldn’t struggle once. Alex tried to pet him once and he hissed at her.

Eliza said it was because Kara had been tending to him for months, and was just as shy, cautious and scared as Streaky and that he must recognize that hesitation and fear as a quality of a wounded animal, someone he had to protect and help. Either that, Eliza figured, or he saw her as his equal.

Alex theorized that maybe Streaky had tried his best to scratch Kara up, but there just wasn’t any evidence because of her invulnerable skin.

“You’re spoiling that cat,” Alex huffed from underneath her blanket. “Eliza said he wasn’t allowed to sleep here. We still need to check for flees.”

“Streaky doesn’t have flees,” Kara cooed, holding the black cat close. “He’s perfect.”

Alex huffed, but smiled at the soft purring she could hear coming from Streaky.

“He has a bed downstairs. You decorated it, remember? I didn’t destroy my jeans with pink glitter and help you pick out cat-sized stuffed animals for nothing.”

“He just likes hugs. He doesn’t want to sleep alone.”

Her head brushed Alex’ shoulder.

“Just like me.”

Alex sighed, but didn’t object.

She planted a kiss on Kara’s head, and quickly ran a hand through Streaky’s fur before he had the time to hiss at her.

“You’re one strange little alien,” she whispered lovingly into the dark, and Kara giggled.

“A strange little alien who just had her first kiss,” she teased and Alex laughed.

“Yeah. I guess so. A first kiss after school under the bleachers. You’ve well and truly integrated into American society. Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” Kara smiled. “Hey, does the American integration now cancel out my strange, little alien quality? Like, will you stop saying it now?”

“Oh not a chance,” Alex said. “You’ll always be my strange, little alien.”

Kara huffed, but Alex could almost feel her smile in the dark.

“Well alright then,” Kara said, pretending to complain. “A strange, American little alien it is then.”

Streaky purred on her chest in agreement, and Kara ran her fingers through his dark fur.

“With an equally strange sister,” she added.

Alex smiled tiredly.

“I can live with that.”

* * *

Suddenly, the screen changed again.

Short, choppy brown hair, angry hazel eyes and an angry scowl on her face made her very easy to recognize. She resembled her adult self very well. Even the crossed arms across her chest made her ‘Alex mannerisms’ stand out.

“And what’s this now?” Lex asked curiously. “How did it change? I didn’t touch the panel.”

Lena clenched her jaw but forced herself to answer. Each refusal to act would end in more pain, and she couldn’t watch another person crumple to the ground like Kelly had.

“Association,” Lena forced out through clenched teeth. “Her brain isn’t passive. It’s making connections, linking memories. It’s a process we can’t control.”

Lex hummed.

“That’s why she went from your kiss to talking about a kiss?”

Lena clenched her jaw.

“That would be my guess, yes.”

Lex hummed, but a frown passed over his face this time.

“You keep mentioning your inability to control this process, but I have to ask again. Are you sure?” he wondered aloud. “Maybe you just haven’t given it your all.”

He looked Lena dead in the eye.

“From what I’ve seen, you haven’t been at your best at all around her. You seem overly-cautious and under-ambitious. It’s a disturbing sight to witness,” he said coldly. “You never used to be this cautious around test-subjects.”

Lena swallowed her rage.

_She is not a test-subject._

“It can’t. Be. Done,” she forced out.

Lex looked at her for a second longer, a younger Alex raging on the screen in behind him. He observed Lena for a tad too long, almost making her skin burn in discomfort, before he finally blinked and shrugged – tension gone.

“If you say so,” he said, seemingly disinterested, turning back to the screen.

Lena caught a glimpse of the screen, where furious hazel eyes shot accusatory looks at a much younger Kara.

Lena heard Alex swallow hard behind her, and she was sure the other woman did not want to relive this particular memory. Somehow Lena doubted it would be a good one.

“Give it back,” the younger Alex said, eyes burning. “Give it back now.”

“But… Eliza s-said… I c-could… wear… it,” a voice, clearly still uncomfortable speaking English whispered.

“I don’t care what she said,” Alex snarled, “that’s my T-shirt and I want it back right now.”

The other girl clearly struggled to form a response, so Alex sighed, annoyed, and ripped the shirt from the other girl’s hands.

“B-but… Alexandra,” the other girl stuttered.

“It’s Alex!” Alex cut her off with an angry glare. “Don’t call me Alexandra, and don’t take my stuff!”

“Girls! What’s all the yelling about? I can barely hear the radio!”

A beautiful, slightly younger Eliza Danvers showed up in Kara’s memory. She looked so motherly in her soft, cream-colored woolen sweater, that Lena’s heart actually ached in longing. Eliza looked like the picture-perfect mother Lena had desperately wished for in her younger years.

Lena shook her head as she watched the memory unfold.

“Alex?” Eliza asked.

“She keeps taking my stuff!” Alex shouted defensively, almost as if she knew Eliza would take Kara’s side. “She doesn’t even ask, she just takes it, and I told her not to! Look!”

She held the T-shirt up for Eliza to see.

“She just grabbed it without asking! She’s a little thief!” Alex concluded with a dirty look directed at Kara.

Alex whimpered behind Lena and she heard Kelly whisper something soothing to take away some of the pain.

“That’s because I gave it to her,” Eliza said coolly. “The shirt is too small for you and Kara needs things to wear.”

“Then take her out shopping!” Alex shouted angrily. “That shirt is mine!”

“Truly Alex, you could try to be a bit more accommodating,” Eliza frowned. “I’m going to the mall on Saturday, but in the meantime, it wouldn’t kill you to make an effort and help you sister.”

“She’s not my sister!” Alex exclaimed, as if she thought Eliza was insane to even say it. “She’s an alien! She might as well be a green blob with purple tentacles and half a gazillion eyes!”

“That’s enough, Alex!” Eliza scolded, as the girl in the background whimpered.

“No it’s not!” Alex said, tears shooting in her eyes. “She’s not my sister, and you shouldn’t pretend she is! She’s an alien, for God’s sake! She’s not even like us! Why can’t we give her to another alien family? Why are we forced to take her in?”

“Alex, go to your room!” Eliza said, face stormier than Lena had ever seen. “That’s more than enough out of you!”

“Did you ever even think about what I wanted when you took her in our house?” Alex asked angrily, furious tears welling up in her eyes. “Did you ever even think that maybe I didn’t want anyone else? Did you maybe think of the fact that I don’t want to be replaced?”

“Alex – ” Eliza warned.

“No of course not, because you were only thinking about yourselves!” Alex cried. “I don’t want her here! I don’t want her in my room. I don’t want her to take my clothes. I don’t want her in my school!”

She shot Kara an accusatory look, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“She’s not my sister and she never will be! We’re just playing pretend, and nobody’s even listening to what I want! Nobody even cares!”

“One more word, Alexandra,” Eliza warned. “Just one more!”

“I hate you for doing this!” Alex cried out, tears spilling over her cheeks. “I hate both of you! You’re ruining my life!”

“Oh, for God’s sake, Alexandra, go to your room!” Eliza ordered. “We’ll talk about this when you decide to act your age again. We’ll see what your father has to say about this!”

Alex’ lower lip trembled, before her she looked at Kara.

“I hate you,” she whispered. “I hate you.”

“Alexandra, now!” Eliza shouted.

It appeared her patience had reached its limits. Her usually warm blue eyes were ice-cold, her nostrils flared, and her face was paler than ever, notwithstanding the bright angry blush on her cheeks.

“You will _not_ talk to your sister like that!”

Alex was apparently smart enough to know when to leave, because she angrily stormed out of the room, dropping the T-shirt on the floor.

While she was out of the frame, the memory had recorded one last loud shout.

“I wish you’d gotten a dog instead! At least a dog would’ve been useful!”

A door slammed, and then there was silence.

Eliza’s face turned and paused. She looked at Kara, who was whimpering in a corner, and her features softened immediately. She sank down to her knees so she could be at Kara’s level.

Her sweet, kind face enveloped the screen.

“You okay, sweetheart?”

A few deep breaths and then –

“Alex-andra mad,” the girl stuttered.

Eliza smiled sadly.

“Yes, she is. But don’t you worry, she’ll come around.”

“No.” The girl seemed a little frustrated. She huffed almost as if she had a hard time finding her words.

“Alex… mad… at me,” the girl managed to stutter.

“Oh Kara, no,” Eliza said softly, “she’s just a little frustrated, she’ll be fine. Jeremiah and I just need to talk to her is all. This is new to her too, you know? But don’t you worry, I – ”

Eliza instinctively reached out to touch Kara, but the girl recoiled. Kara backed away so quickly, the motion was more blur than an actual recording, startling Eliza.

“Sorry!” Eliza gasped quickly. “Honey, I’m so sorry, I didn’t think – I wasn’t thinking. I forgot! I’m so, _so_ sorry, please forgive me.”

“S’okay,” the girl whispered, but her voice came out sounding breathless, like she’d been spooked just as much as Eliza.

“No it’s not,” Eliza said decisively. “I’m so sorry, baby, I forgot. I won’t do it again. I won’t touch – not until you tell me you’re okay with it.”

She shook her head. “Not until you’re okay.”

Kara nodded slowly, and Eliza smiled sadly at her younger daughter.

“I’m so sorry for scaring you, honey. Are you alright?”

Kara nodded slowly.

“First the fight with Alex and now this,” the woman murmured as she ran a hand through her blonde locks. “What a day, huh?” she asked with a tired smile.

Kara didn’t reply. Eliza didn’t move. Instead, she frowned thoughtfully, and observed Kara with inquisitive eyes.

“Did the fight with Alex scare you, sweetheart?” she asked gently.

Kara shrugged.

“Were you worried?”

Kara paused before shaking her head.

“Did you want – ”

“Loud… ye-lling,” Kara finally said. “Loud.”

“Oh,” Eliza whispered. “Of course. Of course, oh honey, that must’ve been scary, all that loud yelling all at once.”

Kara shrugged again.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Eliza said, genuinely looking more tired and worried than before. “I’ll find something to help with that. I’m working on some earmuffs that I think can be used to help you. And I’ll talk to Alex. I promise.”

Kara didn’t seem to have anything else to say and looked at the floor.

Eliza sighed in defeat.

“Okay,” she seemed to say to herself. Okay. I’m going to talk to Alex for a bit, okay? See if she’s okay?”

Kara didn’t say anything.

“Dinner will be ready in an hour.”

She tapped on her watch.

“Can you see when that’ll be?”

Kara looked at the small digital watch on her wrist.

It was pink and featured the image of a smiling orange blob with a pair of arms and legs and two eyes. It was clearly meant for kids much younger than her, but for the time being, it was the easiest for her to read and understand.

“One… hour,” Kara said slowly. “Six-ty min-utes.”

“That’s right.”

Kara looked up.

“Dinner… will be ready…at 6pm45?”

Eliza smiled.

“A quarter to seven, very good, Kara.”

Kara nodded.

Eliza stood up and walked to the door.

“If you’re hungry before that I can fix you a quick snack,” she let her daughter know.

Kara nodded. But seconds before the door would actually close behind Eliza, she found the courage to speak up.

“Did Kal-El call?” she asked, her voice high pitched and so, so hopeful.

Eliza’s expression fell, almost like she’d heard that question many times before, and had never been able to give Kara the answer she wanted.

“No, honey,” Eliza said, pity almost palpable in the way she spoke. “I’m afraid not.”

“Oh, o-kay,” Kara said quickly, bowing her head over a dinosaur picture book.

Like she didn’t care. Like it didn’t matter.

“I’m sure he’ll call tomorrow?”

“Okay.”

Eliza sighed sadly, before closing the door. There was nothing she could do.

The images of the dinosaurs in Kara’s book blurred, until wet teardrops fell soundlessly onto the thin paper, making the picture curl up a little. The thin paper couldn’t hold the weight of her tears, and Kara could see exactly where her dinosaur would get the dampest, and where it would eventually tear. Another story ruined.

* * *

“Alright, you’ve had your fun,” Lena said, tearing her gaze from the TV screen that still showed the colorful dinosaurs getting progressively more wet. “You can cut it out now.”

“Are you kidding?” Lex said happily. “This is amazing! What a wonderful piece of tech! Lena,” he reasoned, “we’ve only just begun. I’m sure Supergirl is up for some more memories, aren’t you, Supes?”

Kara’s comatose body didn’t react of course, but when Lex fixed his attention back onto the device in his hands, Lena took a closer look at Kara.

Her eyelashes were wet. Barely damp enough to stain the skin under her eyes, but enough to let her lashes cling together, almost like they needed it.

Lena almost felt like crying herself.

Lex was torturing her, and there was nothing she could do.

“Alright, this memory has started to bore me,” Lex said. “I’m going to change it.”

That did get Lena’s attention.

She turned to him in a flash.

“You can’t just flip her memories whenever you feel like it,” she said. “You’ve already done it once! You’re disrupting the natural thought-process! You do it again and you could hurt her!”

“Yes, Lena,” Lex rolled his eyes, “thank you for your input.”

“Lex, I’m serious!”

“So am I.”

He looked her dead in the eye as he adjusted the parameters once again.

A shudder went through Kara’s body. Her breath hitched – and then the memory on the screen changed again.

* * *

“Are you okay?”

Kara looked up to find J’onn’s kind, weathered face looking back at her. He hadn’t come out of the battle unscathed. He had an ugly gash near his eyebrow, and some bruises around his eye.

When Kara lifted a hand to point them out, J’onn shook his head, and gently folded her hand and put it down on her lap.

“I’m fine,” he said kindly. “I was wondering how you were.”

Kara wrapped her arms around her knees and shrugged.

“Not great,” she whispered. “Alex could’ve died tonight.”

“But she didn’t.”

J’onn sank down to sit next to her, and gently bumped his knee against hers.

“You showed up just in time, and you made sure she was okay.”

“Just barely,” Kara whispered. “She’s in the freaking med-bay.”

“Alive,” J’onn reminded her. “She’s in the med-bay _because_ she’s alive. That’s a good thing, Kara.”

Kara sniffled and brought her arm up to rub her forehead. When she brought it back down to her lap, she saw dirt and dust cake the blue fabric of her supersuit.

“I almost didn’t get there in time, J’onn,” Kara whispered. “If I hadn’t… If I didn’t – ”

“There’s no use dwelling on ‘maybes’ and ‘what ifs,’ Kara,” J’onn said. “You know that. Alex is a trained agent. She knows what she’s doing. She knows what risks to take, what actions serve her best… She has a whole squad to protect her.”

“She still got hurt.”

J’onn sighed and put his arm around Kara’s shoulders.

Kara whimpered, but after a brief moment of hesitation, she leaned her head against his shoulder.

“All I’m saying,” J’onn said gently, “is that not everything has to come down to you and you alone. You’re not responsible for every bad thing that happens in this city, even though I’m sure it must feel like that sometimes.”

“But I – ”

“Did your best,” J’onn interrupted. “Just like you always do. You’re one of the most dedicated, warmest, most helpful heroes I’ve ever encountered in my almost five hundred years of living, Kara. And I mean that, I truly do.”

Kara whimpered.

“You’re kind, Kara. It’s both what makes you the amazing hero you are, and your greatest flaw.”

“Flaw?” Kara frowned.

“Your power is empathy. You feel like you constantly need to help and save everyone around you – ”

“But I do,” Kara argued. “It’s basically in my job description.”

“ – but I’m saying it’s not your fault if something ever goes wrong,” J’onn explained. “No one expects you to save the day every single time. Things go wrong. People can do terrible things to one another. You could get held up saving one person here, while another dies somewhere else. The stars could align just so that things go wrong. What I mean to say is –”

He squeezed her shoulder.

“You’ve saved plenty of people. You’ve saved the earth hundreds of times. I just want you to know that sometimes you can rely on other people to save the day.”

“Like Alex?”

“Like Alex and _her team_ ,” J’onn stressed. “Alex is not alone when she goes into battle, Kara. She knows what she’s doing, and she knows how to handle the situation.”

“But she didn’t even tell me she was going into that warehouse,” Kara argued. “If she had, I could’ve come with her, and she wouldn’t have gotten hurt!”

“Perhaps,” J’onn said, “but again; we don’t know that. Alex is a very, very good agent. I should know, I trained her myself,” he smiled proudly.

Kara smiled a watery smile, but it seemed like J’onn could see right through it.

“Kara, what is it?” J’onn asked gently. “We’ve had this conversation before. You know you can’t save everyone. What is really bothering you?”

Kara swallowed, and J’onn patiently waited for her to talk.

“Alex,” Kara said after a brief silence, “Alex got hurt.”

J’onn nodded.

“And I know it was only her leg… and I know it’s not that bad, but – ”

She looked away from him and covered her mouth with her hand for a beat.

“Alex could’ve gotten really, really hurt. She could’ve died, J’onn. If she – if I – ”

“Don’t you think that’s how Alex feels a lot of the time?” J’onn asked softly. “Don’t you think she’s worried about you all alone in the field?”

“Of course I do,” Kara frowned. “You know I do. But it’s different.”

“How?”

Kara looked at him, before turning to look at her red skirt. It was dirty. Stained with dirt, blood and sand.

“Kara, how?”

Kara clenched her jaw.

“I’ve lost a lot of people.”

“Of course?”

“No, I mean,” Kara said, staring straight ahead. “I’ve lost my whole world. Everybody I’ve ever loved. I’m not prepared to lose it again.”

“Nobody wants that, Kara, it’s – ”

“Did you know that, if I don’t get shot down by Kryptonite or whatever, I could probably live a couple of hundred years myself?”

J’onn blinked in surprise. He clearly hadn’t expected that turn in their conversation.

“I hadn’t thought about it honestly,” J’onn said. “That does sound right to me.”

“Well, I decided a long time ago, that I’m not going to do that.”

“That?”

“I’m not going to live hundreds of years without my friends and family. I won’t.”

“Kara – ”

“I always swore, even when I was younger, before I even,” she let out a short, humorless laugh, “before I even put on the freaking cape. I decided I didn’t want to live in a world without Alex.”

J’onn frowned, but it seemed like he was slowly putting the pieces together.

“I don’t want to lose my whole world again, J’onn. And Alex is everything to me. If she dies… I don’t know what I’ll do. But I sure as hell won’t want to live on this planet anymore.”

“Kara,” J’onn said, traces of pain in his voice. “You don’t actually mean that.”

“I do,” Kara said, looking at him straight. “I do. I don’t know what or how, but I don’t want to live in world without Alex. I don’t think I could bear it. I don’t want to spend a single second on a planet without Alex. I would stop at nothing to make sure I wouldn’t stay alone on this planet. Without her.”

“Kara, what you’re saying is – ”

“Kara? Are you there?”

They both turned their heads when they heard Alex’ weak voice coming from the med-bay.

Kara shot up.

“I’m going to check on Alex.”

“Kara, this conversation isn’t over,” J’onn said, taking her hand.

“It is,” Kara said gently. “Alex is still here, J’onn. And I’m going to make sure I can protect her in every way I can so she can live up to be a hundred-and-twenty.”

She chuckled to herself.

“I’m going to pull out all the stops to make sure she lives as long and as wonderfully as possible. Thank you for helping me, J’onn,” Kara smiled softly. “It means so much to me. But I have to check on Alex now.”

J’onn sighed, but opened his hand anyway, letting Kara’s slip from his.

He frowned, looking at the grey walls ahead, when he suddenly felt a kiss on his temple.

He looked up to find Kara giving him one last, weak smile, before she almost vanished next to him, running to Alex so fast, the only evidence she’d actually been next to him was a gush of wind that threatened to blow away the stacks of paper on a desk near him.

“Well this one was rather long-winded,” Lex complained. “There should be an option panel on this thing.”

Behind him, Alex was clutching one hand to her mouth, biting down pained gasps. Somehow, the muffled sounds were worse than any sound Lena had ever heard, and Alex’ palpable agony made the hairs on her neck stand up.

“Lex,” Lena forced out lowly, her entire body trembling with rage and frustration, “that is _enough_.”

Something in her voice ripped Lex from his fidgeting with the control panel, and he straightened his shoulders, before he slowly turned around with a small smirk playing around his lips.

Lena stared right into his dark, dead eyes and realized with horror that she didn’t recognize Lex at all.

She’d seen him raging around the Luthor mansion, screaming about how Superman would mean the end of humanity, all the while he was being dragged away by policemen- and women. She’d seen him work at LuthorCorp for days, creating blueprints for weapons powerful enough to kill a Super. Even then, even at the height of Lex’ madness, she’d recognized his blind passion, his relentless pursuit of what he believed in – misguided as it was – on his face. She recognized the familiar urge to create, to develop, to invent; and somehow he was still her brother. Somehow he was still familiar throughout the entire trial that would land him in prison. Lena had cried non-stop because her brother – her big brother – had let an ideology corrupt him to the point where he would maim and kill innocents if it meant getting him closer to his goal of eradicating all alien life on earth. She’d cried because he was her brother, and she’d lost him.

Even when Lex was at his worst, he still _looked_ like her brother. He still resembled himself in his own odd way. The little quirks and characteristics that made him _him_ , hadn’t disappeared.

But now, looking into her brother’s merciless eyes, Lena realized with a nauseating feeling in the pit of her stomach, that she had been stupid. Little quirks and mannerisms meant nothing anymore. Whether he moved like her brother used to twenty years ago was irrelevant.

Before her stood a stranger. A man who took great pleasure in the idea that he wasn’t just torturing his enemy, but his sister, and all her friends as well. He enjoyed watching everyone suffer and for what? Nothing good would come out of the situation, and there was nothing to gain for Lex. Not anymore.

He did it out of a perverted sense of pleasure. And Lena was the fool for ever believing that her brother hadn’t died years before, and that she was just clinging onto his memory like a child clinging to a mother’s hand.

Useless. Pathetic. Desperate.

There was nothing in that man that she could recognize as her brother. There was just an empty cold shell of a man who used to be her hero.

Her pleas would always fall on deaf ears, and nothing she could do would persuade him otherwise. She could cry, beg on her knees, plead with him to spare Supergirl, and he’d probably derive some sick pleasure out of watching her inevitably pointless desperation.

Lex had waited too long for his revenge on Superman. And now that he had Kara, he would never let her go. He would hurt her like he wanted to hurt Superman, and he would punish her for all the things Superman did when Kara was just a child.

There was no justice, and there was no hope.

So when Lex turned to her with his vomit-inducing smirk, all Lena could do was to stare straight at him, unwavering, unmoving.

“You’ve done enough,” she said hoarsely, her voice trembling from all the suppressed rage she couldn’t quite contain.

“On the contrary, my dear Lena,” he tilted his head. “I don’t think I’ve even really begun.”

Without tearing his eyes from his sister for one second, he adjusted the settings on the control panel.

Kara’s body started to convulse, and Lena watched with horror how the screen darkened before showing a new memory. The only thing keeping Lena from screaming and crying out were her brother’s eyes, eagerly observing her every reaction, just waiting to see her break.

Lena wouldn’t let him. She wouldn’t let him see her cry. She balled her fists and looked up at the screen.

She wouldn’t let him see a single tear. Not even when she heard Kelly pained groans, and she bravely fought against her wounds to comfort Alex, who herself was on the brink of a break-down. She didn’t cry, not even when she heard Nia’s cries and pleas for Brainy to wake up.

He wouldn’t see a single tear.

* * *

“It’s raining,” Kara said, disappointment clear in her voice as she looked through the glass door that showed grey skies and Eliza’s flowers moving around wildly, combatting the heavy rain drops and wind like brave soldiers under attack.

“April showers make way for sweet may flowers,” Jeremiah joked.

Kara turned around to see him drying the dishes that Eliza was so carefully washing with her hands in the soap water.

Eliza threw her husband a look and he laughed as she shook her head.

“But we already have flowers?” Kara said confused. “Why would we need a shower?”

Jeremiah chuckled softly, and Eliza swatted him with the towel on his shoulder making him laugh even more.

Kara didn’t understand.

“It’s just an expression, sweetheart,” Eliza said kindly. “It just means that a little rain is good for nature. Jeremiah was just under the impression he was being funny.”

“Well, I am known for my hilarious jokes and humorous nature,” Jeremiah teased.

“Uhu,” Eliza said, sounding very unimpressed.

“The boys at the beach café love it!”

“The boys in the beach café have never heard a decent joke in their lives and are easily impressed.”

“Thanks, darling.”

Kara frowned at their antics and turned back around to continue staring through the glass door.

“But I wanted to go out to the forest,” she said.

“We’ll take you tomorrow, honey,” Jeremiah said. “If we go out today we’ll all get pneumonia. I’m sure there’s something else you can do today.”

“You want to play a boardgame with us, Kara?”

Kara shook her head and pouted, resting her head against the cool glass.

“I wanted to climb in the trees.”

“We know you did, sweetheart,” Eliza said kindly, coming up behind Kara.

Kara could see her reflection in the glass. Her hand came up to rest on Kara’s shoulder, and was still slightly damp from washing the dishes.

“I thought I could climb the high one this time,” Kara said softly.

Eliza nodded, her arms coming around to hug Kara by her shoulders, gently pulling her close. She kissed Kara’s head softly.

“How about we go tomorrow?” Eliza suggested. “The weather should be better tomorrow. I’ll go with you, I promise.”

Kara nodded, but her own reflection looked somberly back at her.

Eliza seemed to catch on too.

“You know,” she said conspiratorially, turning Kara around to look at her. “Weather like this is not just to ruin our outdoor plans. Weather like this is exceptionally perfect for other activities.”

“Like what?” Kara perked up.

“Let me show you,” Eliza said, extending her hand.

Kara quickly took it, and with a smile, Eliza led them both to the living room.

“Jeremiah, would you make Kara your specialty drink?”

“Sure thing,” Jeremiah said.

“What’s going on?”

Alex slowly came downstairs, headphones around her neck, which still played some loud music that Kara couldn’t immediately identify.

“I’m going to show Kara how to best enjoy a rainy Sunday,” Eliza smiled. “Want to join?”

“A movie and hot coco?”

Alex shrugged.

“Sure, sign me up.”

Kara immediately perked up.

“We’re watching a movie?” she said excitedly.

“Well, yes, but it’s going to be extra special, I’ll show you.”

“I’ll go get the DVD!”

Kara dashed away before anyone could say a thing, and she returned just as quickly, holding up a copy of The Wizard of Oz.

“Can we start at the beginning but then when the rainbow song comes on, can we then play that part again before we go to the next scene but can we skip the one where the witch sets the scarecrow on fire and then go back to – ”

“Kara,” Eliza laughed, cutting off her youngest daughter’s excited rambling.

Alex groaned.

“I’m not watching that one again,” she said seriously. “We’ve seen that one a billion times already. It’s not even that good!”

Kara took in a deep insulted breath.

“Opinions on the movie aside, I thought it was about time Kara watched something different.”

She opened the little drawer under the television, and when she took the DVD’s in the front out, another row of more colorful DVD’s was revealed.

“Are those my old kid movies?” Alex asked with a frown.

“Kara’s never seen them,” Eliza commented. “I’m sure she’d like to see something other than the Wizard of Oz?”

Kara made a grumbling sound that didn’t exactly indicate her approval of the statement. Nevertheless, she didn’t say a word as Eliza flipped through the DVD’s one by one, frowning at some covers, and humming occasionally, setting others aside.

“Here,” she finally said, holding up a copy of a movie Kara hadn’t seen before.

Kara hesitantly took the DVD from Eliza and took in the cover with a frown. A girl and something resembling some blue animal of sorts were standing on a surfboard, much like the one Alex had, against the backdrop of a huge blue wave.

“Lilo and Stitch?” Alex asked from over Kara’s shoulder, very unimpressed. “That’s for babies.”

“You’re not obligated to watch, Alex,” Eliza said with a raised eyebrow.

Alex sighed loudly.

“I’ll just read my magazine on the couch while you two watch,” she said with a shrug, sinking down in the couch’ cushions.

“But you’ll still take the hot coco, I assume.”

Alex threw her a look, and opened her magazine, burying her nose in it almost immediately.

“With whipped cream, please,” she asked quietly.

Eliza shook her head but smiled at Kara.

“What’s it about?” Kara asked confused, turning the DVD carefully around in her hands.

“It’s about a family who adopts an alien,” Eliza said gently.

Kara’s head snapped up to look at her.

Eliza smiled. “Does that sound good?”

Kara looked back at the DVD. Her eyebrows knitted together.

A tiny finger traced the figures on the cover, ending near the blue animal.

“That’s the alien?” she asked after a beat.

“Yes.”

Kara tilted her head.

“He doesn’t look like any alien I’ve seen,” she said after a beat, but there was no apprehension in her voice. Just curiosity.

“It’s fictional,” Alex commented from across the room, turning a page in her magazine. “It’s not supposed to be realistic. It’s just a story in which a girl adopts an alien and how they teach Stitch to live on earth, I guess. They make him dress up and be kind and listen to Elvis and stuff.”

“Elvis?” Kara asked confused.

“Bad 80’s music,” Alex replied.

“70’s music,” Eliza corrected. “80’s music is Michael Jackson. Bon Jovi. Journey!”

Alex shrugged. “Still bad.”

Eliza shook her head in that exasperated way of her which usually made Kara laugh a little, because she always exaggerated it a little to amuse Kara.

“Anyway,” Eliza said, “it’s not about that. It’s more about how people from different places and different homes can still form a family.”

She tilted her head.

“Do you think you’d like that?”

Kara pouted thoughtfully.

“I guess?” she said, looking up at Eliza.

Eliza smiled and took the DVD.

“Well, then I think you should make yourself comfortable, young lady, because you’re about to be hit with a rainy Sunday movie. The best kind of movie there is.”

While Kara didn’t know whether or not that was actually true, Eliza’s kind, sparkling eyes convinced her anyway, and she went to sit in the cozy corner of the couch. Eliza inserted the DVD while Jeremiah came over with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate topped with the delicious, sugary cream that Kara had come to know as whipped cream. Undoubtedly one of the best things on earth, Kara had found.

Eliza sat down next to Kara and draped a soft blanket over her lap and shoulders. Kara pulled it over her head too, shooting Eliza a toothy smile. Now she was completely covered in soft blankets. And while Alex didn’t explicitly ask for it, one longing glance at Kara’s face peeking out from between layers of blankets seemed to be enough for Jeremiah to do the same thing for her. Both Danvers girls watched the opening credits of the movie – _a blue castle that was sucked up by a green beam?_ – snuggled up cozily on the couch while the rain and the wind swept over the house.

Kara took a careful lick of her whipped cream and smiled when she caught Eliza’s twinkling eyes. The movie started playing, and Kara leaned back comfortably in her little nook of the couch. Eliza was right. There truly was something magical about a rainy Sunday movie.

The memory shifted a couple of times, only staying on one image for a couple of seconds before moving on to the next. Lena, who had only seen the movie once before, ages ago, could barely keep up with the plot. But she thought she understood well enough.

She thought she understood why Kara remembered the movie so well.

“ _That's the Ugly Duckling. See? He's sad because he's all alone and nobody wants him but on this page, his family hears him crying and they find him. Then the Ugly Duckling is happy because he knows where he belongs.”  
  
_

_I remember everyone that leaves._

_People treat me different._

_I need someone to be my friend. Someone who won’t run away._

_“I... I... Lost.”_

_Stitch moved around on the screen, helplessly._

_“I'm lost.”_

“I’m lost.”

Kara’s lips formed the words without actually uttering them. She tasted the familiar sadness and loneliness in those words, and could feel Stitch’ pain all the way from the corner of her couch. Tears slid down her cheeks, and she quickly hid in her cocoon of blankets to make sure no one else saw so she didn’t disturb Alex, whose eyes were glued to the screen, or Jeremiah and Eliza who were cuddled together on the couch.

Kara slid back in her blankets, staring at Stitch’ drooping ears.

“Lost,” she mouthed again, salty tears reaching the corners of her mouth. “I’m lost.”

_“This is my family. I found it all on my own. It's little and broken... but still good. Yeah. Still good.”_

Kara’s eyes took in the many images on the screen so quickly, the movie was over before Lena could count three actual scenes. However, as soon as the screen started showing the credits, Eliza turned to look at Kara with a big smile.

“So Kara, what did you – ”

Her smile quickly died when she saw Kara’s wet face.

“Oh sweetheart.”

Kara opened her mouth to say something, but only a broken cry left her mouth. Kara couldn’t hold in her sobs as she was gently tugged onto Eliza’s lap, head resting against Eliza’s chest. Jeremiah gently pulled the blanket off her head, so he could run a hand over her blonde curls.

As the credits played Elvis’ song, Kara cried, and Eliza rocked her back and forth.

“ _Ieiu_ ,” Kara cried hopelessly, finding comfort in the wrong arms, making her all kinds of confused. “I – ieiu.”

Eliza didn’t say a word, though she knew very well what Kara was saying. Instead, she kept Kara close, letting her sadness run its course. Kara couldn’t articulate her pain well enough, the only sounds that left her body were sobs and breathless little cries, but it didn’t seem to matter to Eliza. She understood.

“Ieiu,” Kara sobbed after a while, after she finally found her voice again. “Lost.”

Elvis’ soothing vocals weren’t enough to appease her, as images of pitch-dark skies and foreign planets flashed through her head. A burning sky, her mother’s cries – and then Stitch. All alone on earth, with only a book to keep him company. No family. No mom. No dad. Just a planet he couldn’t get back to, and a whole list of things he did wrong. Just like her.

They didn’t belong.

“Oh no, baby,” Eliza muttered softly in her hair. “You are not lost. You’re okay. You’re safe here with us. Right?”

Jeremiah hugged them both.

“I don’t belong here,” Kara whispered through her tears. “I’m on the wrong planet.”

Eliza wiped them away.

“Home is not a planet, Kara. Home is a family. And you do have a family. You belong right here with us. You, Jeremiah, Alex and me. Just us. We’re a family too. And we’ll always be right here for you. Just the four of us.”

Kara let Eliza hug her close, too scared to hug her back, too scared to hurt her. Jeremiah’s steady hand never stopped stroking her hair, and Eliza never let go.

Kara didn’t say how no matter how many kind words Eliza spoke, they would never make up for the fact that this planet’s sky was the wrong color, that this planet’s people were strange and hostile, that this family was nice, but nowhere near as nice as the family she _missed_ with every cell of her body, the family she ached to get back.

Alex stood up and quickly walked away, clearly not at all comfortable with the sudden outpouring of emotions before her. But just when she passed the corner of the couch, she paused. Just for a second.

She glanced at Kara’s crying form, and the blue eyes caught her own.

She hesitated for a split moment before she reached out and quickly but softly squeezed Kara’s balled little fist, her thumb brushing the top of her hand.

Kara looked up at her through tear-filled eyes, and Alex just stood there, uncomfortably. Kara’s fingers relaxed, and slowly slid out of the tight fist she’d been holding for a long time. Alex shot Kara the briefest of smiles, before she quickly ran out of the room before anyone could include _her_ in some melodramatic family meeting.

It was more than enough though, Kara thought as Eliza and Jeremiah held her. More than enough.

After a while, after Kara was almost completely exhausted by the emotional turmoil and pain she hadn’t anticipated, and had almost dozed off against Eliza’s chest, Jeremiah spoke up.

“We’re so sorry about the movie, Kara,” he said gently.

“We shouldn’t have shown it to you. God, if I’d just remembered – ”

“It had been so long since Alex had seen it, kiddo. We forgot how sad it was. We didn’t think it’d make you said,” he added apologetically.

“I just thought you’d like to see a movie about a little alien,” Eliza sighed. “But I guess we kind of ruined it for you, huh?”

Kara sat up straight.

“You didn’t ruin it,” she said with a little frown on her face, her voice a little rough from crying. “I liked the movie.”

“Y-you did?” Jeremiah asked surprised. “I thought it made you sad?”

Kara shrugged but didn’t look at her adoptive parents.

“I liked some parts.”

From the corner of her eye, she could see Eliza and Jeremiah exchange a fleeting, relieved smile.

“Oh yeah?” Eliza asked gently. “Like what?”

Kara shrugged again. A small flush worked its way up her cheeks and ears.

“I liked the songs.”

“There are some really nice songs in the movie,” Eliza agreed with a smile. “I do like Elvis.”

“Oh,” Jeremiah grinned. “She loves Elvis,” he joked. “Did you know I won her over serenading her with some of the songs in the movie?”

Eliza rolled her eyes.

“You courted Eliza with a serenade?” Kara asked.

“Badly,” Eliza interjected. “But yeah he did.”

“Oh she loved it,” Jeremiah laughed. “I sang _Bette Davis Eyes_ for her at the lab constantly.”

“Scaring all our lab rats,” Eliza retorted.

“And sang _can’t help falling in love with you_ at her window.”

“Almost getting the cops called on you by our neighbors.”

“And when I proposed, we were dancing to _take on me_ – power ballad, can’t go wrong with one of those,” he said to Kara with a wink.

Kara didn’t get much from what was being said, but she observed the banter with a growing smile, tears temporarily forgotten.

“It’s a miracle he still got to marry me,” Eliza said with a raised eyebrow. “It’s a miracle he even got me to say yes!”

But the loving look she shot Jeremiah softened her words, and somehow made her look ten years younger. Suddenly, Kara could imagine very clearly how very much in love those two still were.

“Not a miracle, babe – just the power of these stellar vocals.”

“Jeremiah,” Eliza warned, seeing the spark in his eyes, “don’t you dare!”

 _“There’s no place I’d rather be,”_ Jeremiah belted out enthusiastically, closing his eyes and dancing around wildly, _“than on my surfboard out at sea!”_

He broke out in a horrifyingly bad impression of the Hawaiian rollercoaster ride song, and Kara almost covered her ears and pulled a face when he tried hitting all the high notes.

“Jeremiah, stop!” Eliza laughed. “You’re going to scare our kids away!”

 _“Lingering in the ocean blue!”_ he sang. “Come on Dr. Danvers, join me!”

He pulled Eliza up from the couch by her hand and made a vague – bad – impression of a dance they’d seen in the movie.

“What was next – ehm, _lingering in the ocean blue –_ ya gotta help me out here, Liz, I’m drowning here!”

Eliza was laughing too hard to join in, holding her stomach with one hand, while Jeremiah flailed her into a failed pirouette by her other hand.

 _“And If I had one wish –_ ah ha! I’ve got it – _and if I had one wish come true I’d surf till the sun sets – na nanana – flyin’ by on the Hawaiian roller coaster ride!”_

“Is dad singing again? Oh my God, tell him to stop, it’s embarrassing!” Alex yelled from the top of the stairs.

“Sorry, sweetie!” Jeremiah yelled back, and Eliza and Kara laughed on the couch, Eliza sinking down into the cushions with a loud sigh.

“So much for those stellar vocals,” Eliza teased.

Jeremiah threw his hands up. “Some kids just don’t appreciate good music.”

After the laughter died down, Kara looked up at Eliza.

“Can I learn how to surf too?” she asked. “Will you teach me?”

“Oh for sure,” Jeremiah said enthusiastically. “I mean, I taught Alex too! I’m a master surfer!”

Eliza shot him a warning look before she ran a hand through Kara’s curls.

“How about we teach you to swim first, okay? You need to know how to swim in the ocean before you can do all the other stuff, okay? Baby steps.”

Kara thought for a moment, but decided that would do too.

“Baby steps,” she repeated back, and Eliza smiled.

“I think it’s about time we start dinner. Kara, will you go upstairs and take a shower and get into some pj’s?”

Kara nodded before a thought popped into her head.

“Can I bring the DVD upstairs?” she asked nervously.

“Ehm,” Eliza looked confused, and Jeremiah stopped to look at them both. “There’s no TV in your room, baby. Why would you want it upstairs?”

Kara shuffled on her feet.

“Just because?”

Jeremiah and Eliza exchanged a confused look, but eventually decided it was fine.

“If you’d like that, sure. You can take it upstairs.”

Kara smiled gratefully before taking the DVD case and dashing upstairs.

Late that night, after everybody else had gone to sleep, and Alex was snoring softly in the bed next to her, Kara used her improved vision to stare at the DVD case under her blanket.

Her finger traced Stitch’ broad, toothy smile on the cover. His blue ears. His fuzzy belly. His weird claws.

In the nighttime, it was easier to forget all the funny things that happened in the movie. In the nighttime, with no one around her to talk to, to comfort her, to sing the happy songs, it was easier to forget the kind and reassuring words. It was easier to let the fear and discomfort in the pit of her stomach grow into a festering, black, rotting world of pain.

She peeked out from under her blanket to stare at the endlessly dark night sky outside, where a billion little unfamiliar lights stared back at her, reminding her how far from home she really was. Kara frowned, staring into the deep dark, trying to find anything that looked like home – a rocket, a spaceship, a flickering light to reassure her, to guide her home, anything! – but only the stars and their strange constellations greeted her. Not even a plane passed through the sky.

Kara gave up, and looked back at Stitch.

“Lost,” she whispered slowly. “I’m lost.”

* * *

“Oh my God, does this kid ever stop crying,” Lex sighed as he pushed the buttons on the pad’s screen. “I swear every time I’m looking for a memory, I get these Greek tragedies. Blabla home. Blabla mother. I swear, she’s like you when you first came to live with us, Lena. Truly insufferable.”

Lena clenched her jaw, blinking away the tears she felt welling up at Kara’s heart-breaking words.

“You’re saying this is all the automatic memory association aspect?”

Lena nodded, but Lex wasn’t even looking in her direction.

“This is insane,” Lex muttered. “I should be able to flip through these memories at random. Who even wants to see all this crap? I should just be able to insert a key word – and voila! Get the memory, I need.”

He shook his head before he cursed, and Lena stiffened automatically.

Lex was a dangerous and unpredictable man. Lena had seen him lash out at people for insignificant, minor things. He could smile when cops came to his house and arrested him. He could laugh at alien activists screaming in his face as he walked through the streets. And then the very next second, he could blow up at his secretary because he didn’t like the font she used on a document he needed to read.

Lex was impatient, rash, and frustrated. That paired with the helpless Kryptonian on the slab in Lena’s lab, and the lack of results he’d hoped to get that night – Lena figured she had every right to be on edge.

If Kara’s life wasn’t on the line, she’d kill for a soothing four fingers of Whiskey right about now.

“You know what,” Lex sighed as Kara’s memory seemed to got muddled – usually a good indication that a new memory was coming up. “This isn’t working. I need to make some changes. As usual, Lena,” he raised his eyebrow, “I need to fix your little projects again.”

Lena didn’t say a word.

Let him have his fun. Let him tease her. If only he knew how many murderous fantasies were going through her head right now, and how graphic and deliciously violent they were, he’d grow so pale his fucking, bald head would look like a shiny ping-pong ball.

“Where is your engineering office, Lena? Research and development?”

Lena clenched her jaw and Lex sighed.

“Lena, don’t make me do the whole threatening thing again. I’m tired. I want to go home. Let me fix this, get the memories I want, and go home.”

Lena knew it wouldn’t be that simple.

It would never be that simple. Lex went from torturing Kara to discovering the possibilities and opportunities of having another person’s brain on display for him. She could only imagine what other horrors he could concoct. On the other hand, if he went to the other department, she’d finally have a moment without him. Lex was smart, few things actually escaped his eye, but the gorillas with him didn’t seem to be up to the same standard.

If he was out, then maybe Lena could think without him breathing down her neck. If only she could just –

“Fine,” Lex said impatiently.

He looked at the people around him and his eyes settled on Nia, pale and scared – yet still fierce and overly-brave – behind the glass wall.

“Do you want me to have one of these guys have a one-on-one with her, Lena?” he asked. “Do I really need to tell you that he could break every little bone in – ”

“One floor up!” Lena said quickly, the horror inside her growing so fast she could barely breathe. “One floor up, door opens with the key in my jacket on the chair over there,” she motioned with her chin.

Lex went to retrieve the key, and held it up with a smile.

“Thank you, Lena,” he said almost kindly, as if he hadn’t just threatened to torture a young girl. Maybe it had barely registered in his mind. “I’ll be right back. My friends will keep you company.”

Lena eyed him darkly as he turned his back on her and slipped out of the room, followed by two of his henchmen.

She quickly ran over to Alex and Kelly, for once not getting stopped by those idiots her brother had hired. She guessed not letting her escape was their main priority, besides that, they didn’t much care what she was up to. They seemed like the type to put in the minimal effort for a job.

“I’ve got icepacks,” she muttered to herself, walking over to a freezer where she kept her chemical elements that needed a checked temperature (and the occasional box of icicles, just in case) – clenching her teeth when she had to let one of the men open the door of _her_ fridge in _her_ lab for her, to check for weapons – before getting the okay and rummaging through her stuff. She quickly took out two icepacks, and brought them over to Alex, who gratefully took one and held it to Kelly’s head.

Lena quickly looked over Kelly, and had to swallow her worries.

A dried red patch of blood stuck to her dark hair, her eyes were shut tightly, her face contorted in a pained grimace.

“Kelly,” Lena whispered. “God, I – I’m so sorry. I am so, so sorry,” Lena tripped over her words in her haste to apologize, eyes glued to the red patch of blood on Kelly’s head, taunting her stupidity. “I – I wish I’d never – oh God, Kelly, I – ”

She stopped talking when Kelly stuck out her arm, and blindly patted her hand around until she found Lena’s arm.

Kelly took a deep breath, and a pained frown passed over her face.

“Not your fault,” Kelly rasped, trying to sound a lot stronger than she looked. “As you might recall, this was all my idea. I knew what I signed up for.”

“I – still,” Lena tried to argue, shaking her head. “This isn’t – ”

“You heard me, Lena,” Kelly said, opening her eyes just a bit to look at her. Her smile and the kind gleam in her eyes, devoid of any and all judgement hit Lena square in her chest. “It’s not your fault. You’ve got nothing to apologize for.”

Lena’s lip trembled a bit, but she forced herself to bite back the storm of emotions inside, and managed to smile weakly at her friend.

“Okay,” she whispered.

“Right now, we have to find a way to _fix this,”_ Kelly mouthed the last words, sneaking a look at the men in the room. They seemed pretty confident that the seven people in the room, one of whom was cradling her unconscious boyfriend, the other cradling her very injured girlfriend, one of them currently unconscious on a slab having their dreams analyzed, the other unconscious on the floor and the last being their boss’ little sister – would not be able to fight back.

And Lena had to give it to them, they weren’t exactly at their strongest at the moment.

“We’ve got to get Kara to wake up,” Kelly whispered decisively. “She’s the only one who can stop all of this.”

“We can’t! Not safely, at least. Not without J’onn there to ease her mind and wake her up.”

“And with those henchmen guarding the red sunlight switch…”

“We need more time,” Lena sighed. “We need to give Kara the time to wake up, but we also need to do it before Lex does irreparable harm to her mind.”

“What’s he going to do?” Kelly asked, brow creasing worriedly. “What does he _want_?”

“I don’t think he actually wants anything,” Lena shook her head. “He keeps talking about finding specific memories… but I think he just wants to keep going for as long as possible.”

“Which Kara won’t survive,” Kelly whispered.

Lena looked over her shoulder to find a memory of Kara as a child playing on the screen.

It was a happy one.

She recognized Alura, Kara’s mother, smiling at them all from the screen as Kara handed her something – a drawing of some kind. Alura spoke in a language Lena had grown familiar with, but without Brainy there to translate, the words were meaningless. She could only catch Kara’s name, pronounced so differently, more… melodically, almost. The ‘r’ rolled a little longer, the final ‘a’ sounded just a tad different from the American pronunciation. It sounded beautiful.

It made Lena wonder how long Kara had had to live without ever hearing her name pronounced the way it should be, and she vowed to spend all the time she could to recreate the exact sound of Kara’s Kryptonian name.

The memory was sweet and short, and while Lena was well aware of how horrifyingly dangerous the situation around them was, she could at least relish in the knowledge that Kara was at the very least experiencing one happy memory. She deserved as much. She deserved some peace and calm, when they didn’t know how much worse it could get for her.

“Look,” Lena said, turning back to Kelly, “it all comes down to time. Kara’s mind is strong. We’ve seen in previous sessions that excessive trauma is too much for her to process. She could scare herself awake,” Lena explained. “A figure of speech of course.”

“So we just let her suffer while Lex takes apart her brain?” Kelly hissed. “That’s horrendous!”

“Well, I don’t know what else to do!” Lena said, her voice rising just a tad too high, making one of the gorilla’s turn around to look at them.

Lena held up the icepack to show she wasn’t doing anything nefarious, and with one long suspicious look-over, the man decided she wasn’t worth his time, and he turned back to his partner, continuing their pointless conversation.

Lena thought she heard them talking about football. She had to resist the urge to take off her heels and stab the both of them in their eyes with her very own stilettos for being so fucking casual that they’d just discuss something as meaningless as fucking football while her friends were lying hurt and maimed all around them.

She swallowed her rage, and looked at Alex, who had been quiet for far too long.

“What about you, huh?” Lena asked. “What do you think?”

But Alex didn’t look at Lena. Her eyes were glassy, staring fixatedly at the screen still playing in front of them.

“Alex?” Lena asked again, more concern in her voice. “Alex, are you okay?”

A tear slipped from Alex’ eye, and dripped onto the hand on Kelly’s arm.

“Babe?” Kelly asked, the pain in her face giving in to worry. “Are you alright?”

Alex was silent for a short while more. She opened her mouth to say something, but couldn’t actually form any words. She just stared at the screen in front of her with so much sadness that Lena didn’t know what to do.

“Alex?” Kelly asked again, a hand sliding over Alex’. “What is it?”

“He – he, ehm,” she scraped her throat. “He never got to teach her.”

Kelly and Lena exchanged a confused look.

“Before he died,” Alex explained hollowly. “My dad, he – he never got to teach her how to surf. He said we’d stay together. He promised her… and then he left. And then he died.”

“Alex,” Kelly said softly, but Alex looked away, and dried her cheek with her sleeve.

“It’s fine,” she said gruffly. “I just hadn’t thought about it is all. It doesn’t matter,” she reiterated. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Alex – ”

“We have to help Kara,” Alex said, focusing again. “We need a weapon. Anything. Anyone will do.”

“Yeah, but as far as I can tell, like all of us are out of commission. Look around,” Lena gestured vaguely. “We’re outnumbered.”

“No, we’re not,” Alex insisted. “Most of us are just a little impaired is all. We still outnumber them.”

“We’ve got like four people unconscious – semi-unconscious, sorry Kelly – by my count, that gives them the advantage. It’s not going to take Lex long to figure out how to tinker with the pad, and we’re all out of options.”

“Then let’s think,” Alex insisted. “Lex is due back any minute. If there was ever a time for us to think up a plan, it is right the fuck now.”

Kelly nodded slowly.

“She’s right. There’s gotta be a way out of here. I mean, we’re in a lab,” she insisted. “Aren’t the both of you trained scientists?”

Alex and Lena looked at each other.

“There’s gotta be something in here we could use. A weapon, maybe? You’ve gotta keep some things around in this lab of yours, right? A scalpel?”

Alex shook her head.

“They’d shoot us before we could attack, a weapon is too obvious.”

“Then what?” Kelly whisper-huffed, a slightly hysterical edge in her tone. “We have to get out of here before people start dying!”

“A distraction,” Lena said slowly, instantly cutting Kelly’s panic short. “We could create a distraction.”

Alex narrowed her eyes.

“What were you thinking?”

“I can’t get to my dangerous chemicals,” Lena explained in hushed tones. “Lex’ guys are standing too close to the elements, I can’t get there, so I can’t fabricate a weapon or a bomb.”

Kelly nodded.

“But I might be able to gather some things around the lab, if I’m careful,” Lena reasoned aloud, almost as quiet as a whisper, suddenly very afraid of anyone who could be listening.

“How would you do that?”

Lena swallowed and took a quick look at Kara, lying so very still on the slab.

“When Lex gets back,” Lena whispered, “he’ll do something terrible. That is pretty much guaranteed.”

Alex tensed up.

“He’ll want to torture Kara with her own memories, so he’ll be completely absorbed by that.”

“Fucking sadist,” Alex said through clenched teeth.

Lena couldn’t disagree.

“But when he does, his goons will basically stand guard around him, to assure we won’t be able to attack him.”

“Right?”

“That gives us some leeway,” Lena whispered. “They aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed. If I can manage to walk through the lab inconspicuously, while keeping Lex distracted, I might be able to smuggle some things together. But I’d have to have someone else mix the elements. I can’t carry everything around together.”

“Someone who can easily hide things and cover them,” Alex realized, holding up the big icepacks, and the space between her, Kelly and the wall, easily rendered invisible to Lex’ goons.

“Exactly,” Lena released a shuddering breath. “If we – if I, can get the elements for a smoke bomb…”

“Harmless, yet very distracting,” Alex thought out loud.

“Then I might have the time to flick off the red sunlight switch.”

“Which would make her human again…”

“Which would immediately end the memory process,” Alex realized.

“Which is also insanely dangerous!” Kelly whisper-yelled. “We don’t do that for the precise reason that it would literally tear her from the memory process! It could do tons of damage!”

“More damage than what Lex is about to do with her?” Lena snapped back, just a tad too loud.

One of the men turned his head to look at her.

“Hey!” he yelled. “What’s going on over there?”

Lena sighed.

“Nothing,” she replied, looking over her shoulder. “Just finishing dressing up her wound.”

“Finish up and get away from them,” he growled. “You can have your little tea party some other time.”

The other guy laughed dumbly at the joke, and Lena had to fight not to roll her eyes.

Where _did_ Lex keep finding these guys?

Lena turned back to the women with an intense look, taking her hand from Kelly.

“It’s either a yes or a no. I can’t do it without you. But it’s the only idea I can come up with. So are you two in – ”

She looked at Alex, and then at Kelly, sweat pearling in her neck, making her hair stick uncomfortably to her skin.

“ – or out?”

Kelly shook her head before looking at Alex.

“Babe?” she asked quietly.

Lena slowly rose to her feet.

Alex’ face twisted into a pained expression. She brought a hand up to her forehead and squeezed her eyes shut for just a second. When she opened them again, she didn’t look at Lena or at Kelly. Instead, she looked at the TV, where a younger version of Alura twirled golden curls into braids with a tinkling laugh, accompanied by the sound of a children’s voice – unmistakably Kara’s.

“It’s our only shot,” she rasped finally. “It’s our only chance to salvage whatever’s left of Kara after this.”

Her words ended in a whisper Lena strained to hear.

“So we agree,” she mouthed, rising to her feet. “We do this?”

Alex nodded, almost imperceptibly, and at that sight, Kelly nodded too, very slowly.

“We’re in,” she said roughly.

Lena managed to shoot them both a tiny, fraction of a smile, before she straightened her skirt, and walked over to Kara.

She couldn’t talk, with Lex’ men so close to her, but she could take Kara’s hand in hers, and give it a slight squeeze.

One that meant that Lena was going to fight for her. That she wasn’t going to give up.

She hoped Kara could feel it.

Before she could have a moment’s relief – just a moment, in which she could get her ducks in a row, think about what she was about to do, the doors flew open, and Lena yanked her hand away from Kara’s.

“I have done it again!” Lex cheered. “I took you tech, took it apart, and made it better. In record time, I might add. Only required a change in settings. You’ve truly gone weak, Lena. That, or you’ve become incredibly stupid over these last few months.”

“Lex,” Lena warned.

“Instead of just skipping through memories,” he said, brushing past her as if she weren’t even there. She might as well be a piece of furniture with ears, only there to hear how ‘wonderful’ and ‘superb’ his intelligence was. “We will be able to select them ourselves.”

Lena’s stomach turned.

“Lex, please,” she whispered, as he stood in front of the screen. “Please.”

He didn’t even hear her.

He pulled up a new program on the L-pad, and tapped in a series of numbers and codes before a key-board appeared on the pad.

A grin spread over Lex’ face.

“All those years,” he said to himself. “All those years of being denied what is rightfully mine. Knowledge, science for me to improve. For me to help save mankind… that knowledge is mine.”

His fingers glided over the edges of the pad.

“It’s all mine,” he muttered, a demented gleam in his eyes.

“Lex,”

Lena became desperate. Kara flinched on the table, as the memory on the TV flickered, Alura’s face glitching on the screen.

The world was collapsing.

“Lex, please,” Lena’s eyes flickered between Kara and the screen. “God – if I was ever your sister, if you ever – ”

Lex loudly tapped in some words in the search bar, ignoring her.

His face snapped up as the TV screen darkened for just as second, before it was replaced with an ominous red glow.

Lex grinned and Lena’s stomach turned.

“Show me Krypton!” he said loudly.

Kara’s body made a tiny, uncomfortable movement on the table, her fingers clenching around nothing in a painful stretch. Alex made a whimpering sound and hid her face in Kelly’s dark hair, while Kelly could do nothing but squeeze her girlfriend’s upper arm tightly while they watched powerlessly as the screen changed, like someone had switched channels.

And then Kara’s mind obeyed Lex’ order, and Kara’s memory of Krypton appeared on the screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!!!
> 
> Sorry it's taken so long, but I've finally found the time to update this story! I hope you all liked this very lengthy chapter (of over 18k words!) and that it was worth the wait! I've added two more chapters, because our girls' story just isn't finished yet :) i hope that's okay with you guys.  
> Today's chapter is dedicated to the (anonymous) person who supported me on online, and to everyone who's been so patient and kind to me these last months as I had to work for uni instead of on these stories. Thank you so much! 
> 
> Please let me know what you thought of this new (experimental) chapter! It's a little different with the interjections, but I hope it was still enjoyable! You can let me know what you thought either here or on my [tumblr](https://thingsanddreamsandstuff.tumblr.com)
> 
> I hope you guys have a great day/ evening, and that you're all safe, happy and healthy. 
> 
> Lots of love!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Hope you liked this! I couldn't get this out of my mind, so I wrote it down in one setting! (Hence the possibility of some mistakes) I hope it's not too cheesy, and you guys enjoy it! 
> 
> Talk to me right here or on my Tumblr: https://thingsanddreamsandstuff.tumblr.com/
> 
> Have a great day!


End file.
